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13 days til homelessness [vent/rant]
3 years ago
***Transmission of Information Begins now...*** I'm going through a barrage of emotions, most not at all positive, knowing I'll be homeless in 13 days due to many factors beyond my control.
I'm watching my health dip, both physical and mental.
Since my eyes haven't gotten care it needs from specialist thanks to insurance companies...
my job is on the line just because I need my sight and it's getting progressively worse.
I have no savings or spendable income. I barely keep my head above water most weeks.
I eat at best 1 meal a day if you can even call it that and it's barely enough to sustain.
Because I need to cook my meals or eat fresh things, the price of fruits/veggies/meat/dairy/carbs are all crazy
$200 in food stamps sounds like a lot til you break it down as $50 a week and you can't even buy bulk to store foods
because your home which won't be a home in 13 days... Is over run by mice, roaches and other vermin.
I will lose everything I've built. The eviction order guarantees I will only be able to live in places that are super predatory at best.
While I have creative mind, I don't have the will or energy to act on it...
Been going through the motions in fear for so long, perhaps this will be a relief, but all I can recall is how bad I felt the last time I lost everything I had. I don't want to go back to that ever. IF they wanted to stop someone from having a mental breakdown if that is their goal, they succeeded in doing the opposite.
I don't know why anymore and it is NOT worth it. It is just not. I have no reason to want to do anything but waste away. Yet... I don't want to die yet... still I'm tired of fighting and maybe I should just let myself down in my despair.
I am hurt, I've been hurt, I do not wish to hurt myself more I've suffered enough.
To the mental health housing agency that has ignored my statements of ill health, yo me getting 14 blood transfusions wasn't an alarm of that? I'm slowly going blind and basic activities are painful. My coping device of playing games on PC is impossible since I can't see past the fog within my eyes. My metabolism is almost dead and thus I'm overweight to the point it hurts despite barely eating since my body is refusing to let the waste go and it's back to eating itself for energy. You asked me if I was up to getting housing assistance/rent assistance and then not giving me the information. I've eaten my retirement fund the past 5 years at a penalty to pay up the back rent. Rent that on hearing the $ I stated I couldn't easily pay but laws say I must. I got info from a life insurance that is paying itself through a loan of the cash balance. A cash balance I would cash out to bring rent arrears up to date... but I have to fight them for that too... I won't have it in 13 days. I told you this. So what am I to do?
I will continue to write my written response to your 14 day notice. With all of this re-listed. Life is hell, if you want to play for this, so be it. Long as my head is above the muck I will still fight... Do not help drag me under for I will haunt you in death.
I'm watching my health dip, both physical and mental.
Since my eyes haven't gotten care it needs from specialist thanks to insurance companies...
my job is on the line just because I need my sight and it's getting progressively worse.
I have no savings or spendable income. I barely keep my head above water most weeks.
I eat at best 1 meal a day if you can even call it that and it's barely enough to sustain.
Because I need to cook my meals or eat fresh things, the price of fruits/veggies/meat/dairy/carbs are all crazy
$200 in food stamps sounds like a lot til you break it down as $50 a week and you can't even buy bulk to store foods
because your home which won't be a home in 13 days... Is over run by mice, roaches and other vermin.
I will lose everything I've built. The eviction order guarantees I will only be able to live in places that are super predatory at best.
While I have creative mind, I don't have the will or energy to act on it...
Been going through the motions in fear for so long, perhaps this will be a relief, but all I can recall is how bad I felt the last time I lost everything I had. I don't want to go back to that ever. IF they wanted to stop someone from having a mental breakdown if that is their goal, they succeeded in doing the opposite.
I don't know why anymore and it is NOT worth it. It is just not. I have no reason to want to do anything but waste away. Yet... I don't want to die yet... still I'm tired of fighting and maybe I should just let myself down in my despair.
I am hurt, I've been hurt, I do not wish to hurt myself more I've suffered enough.
To the mental health housing agency that has ignored my statements of ill health, yo me getting 14 blood transfusions wasn't an alarm of that? I'm slowly going blind and basic activities are painful. My coping device of playing games on PC is impossible since I can't see past the fog within my eyes. My metabolism is almost dead and thus I'm overweight to the point it hurts despite barely eating since my body is refusing to let the waste go and it's back to eating itself for energy. You asked me if I was up to getting housing assistance/rent assistance and then not giving me the information. I've eaten my retirement fund the past 5 years at a penalty to pay up the back rent. Rent that on hearing the $ I stated I couldn't easily pay but laws say I must. I got info from a life insurance that is paying itself through a loan of the cash balance. A cash balance I would cash out to bring rent arrears up to date... but I have to fight them for that too... I won't have it in 13 days. I told you this. So what am I to do?
I will continue to write my written response to your 14 day notice. With all of this re-listed. Life is hell, if you want to play for this, so be it. Long as my head is above the muck I will still fight... Do not help drag me under for I will haunt you in death.
