I won't lie that roughly 90% of my commissions are most likely from Russian artists and 98% from here on FA. As of this morning, Paypal and several other services shut off for the Russian populace. I've been staying quiet on the whole issue, because I felt what could I possibly contribute? I don't know what it's like to be living in either Ukraine or Russia or in the neighboring states. I have no clue what it is really like to be suffering under such hardship with sanctions or being in fear for my life with the next shell bombing. How could I possibly contribute anything worthwhile through words where it might just end up being construed as virtue signaling and making it all about me? Because it isn't. It's about them. The people being affected and their livelihoods being threatened. There was nothing I could say that they weren't saying better themselves. So I stayed silent.

So instead, I did it with action. I had already paid quite a few Russian and Ukrainian artists before the war kicked off for commission work. They already got my money and they could use it to fund their evacuation from their homes or whatever else they needed. Even if it was prior-war kick off, the money still went to a good cause and I was happy they got what they needed to continue living. I was looking into other artists to commission during this time, finding an American one (I think) for an idea, but costing like $1000-1200. I was interested, but then the war kicked off. I had to cancel this commission and felt my money would be better served elsewhere. With that $1000, I could help 3-4 artists in dire straits instead of just one - who said what was happening in Russia didn't affect them, so it shouldn't have mattered. Regardless, I took my idea and gave it to a Russian artist who was thankful for the income and did my idea to perfection. Was later called out as a liar by this non-Ukrainian/Russian artist because I took the same idea and gave it to another. Last I checked, what I did with my income and my ideas are my own business, especially if I had cancelled the commission beforehand with the first artist before seeking out another artist, which in this case, was what I did and the order it happened. If using my ideas and my money to help artists and people in need make me a liar, then so be it.

Now with the advent of Paypal and many other services shutting down for Russians and several pieces left unpaid/partially paid, I'm left out on a lot of money and now must speak up with this journal. All said and done, across multiple artists in my queue, without putting a firm number on it, I'm in the mid-quad digits in money spent on awaiting art. And with many Ukrainian/Russian artists either currently unavailable, unmotivated and/or evacuating or attempting to improve their life circumstances, the status of many of those commissions are in flux and may be cancelled or postponed. I've really no idea. I hope things return to normalcy for all of them and my heart goes out, but as it stands, I think I've reached my limit, as of today, of money I can spend and the people I can help. I have a lot of commissions waiting to be completed, but it would not be right or fair of me for those who got their full payment to take the idea I gave them to realize and give it to another (contrary to the example above, where no money was exchanged and was cancelled prior). So, my own ideas are held hostage by this war and I cannot afford anymore at this time. So commissions will stop for me for a time as I await the hopefully positive resolution for this war. I wish I could have helped more before payment services shut down, but life isn't so kind.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone affected by this. I know my words may not mean much and to some, this journal may appear shallow or hollow. I've no idea how you will interpret it, but just know my heart is at least in the right place. May you all be safe.