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below rock bottom (health update)
3 years ago
CW: Discussion of bad health stuff, including: depression, memory problems, and brief mention of suicidal urges.
Greetings.
First of all, to anyone who was messaged me in the last 10ish days or so: I am in a super bad place in my recovery process atm. I can barely do shit. I will focus on replying once I am in a better headspace, which will hopefully be sometime next week. Sorry for the wait and thanks for understanding.
Now to the main order of business. . .
I thought I'd let y'all know where I'm currently at. To begin, let me copy a summary from a message I sent to a buddy yesterday:
"I'm sorry to tell you that I hit what I thought was rock bottom, but then sunk even lower into a metaphorical, sunless abyss. That is where I am currently, and it is hard to see the light from down here. Logically I know I will not be here forever--I have been through so many difficult times in my life it is sometimes hard to remember them all--but unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier. The emotional toll (overwhelming depression) along with the physical shortcomings (mainly severe memory problems) is a lot."
That sums it up. To elaborate, my mental state is in a cloud of hopelessness existentialism. My energy levels are minimal at best. My brain can barely remember the events of yesterday, nevermind plan for the days/weeks/months ahead--I see the past in broad strokes, able to know what generally occurred, but specific details are harder to pinpoint.
I know it's not as "bad" as it could be--I still have my long-term memory, so I'm not forgetting my own name or the people I care about; I can also still manage the monthly game and Patreon-exclusive stories, along with a few other things. But that doesn't make this easier to experience. In addition, I've had memory problems all my life due to neurodivergency, and have feared a deterioration like this since I was a child--so this kind of thing is literally a nightmare come to life.
I'm not fully sure how any of you can help me. Well, now that I think about it, I suppose there is one thing you can do:
Tell me your favorite works of mine. It can be a long or short, one or many. But my sick mind is stating that I produced nothing of value into the world, so hearing evidence of that being a lie is very much needed right now.
Please. I would appreciate it immensely.
That's all I have the energy to write. Thanks for reading. This'll be put on Patreon and on my main accounts.
Later.
Greetings.
First of all, to anyone who was messaged me in the last 10ish days or so: I am in a super bad place in my recovery process atm. I can barely do shit. I will focus on replying once I am in a better headspace, which will hopefully be sometime next week. Sorry for the wait and thanks for understanding.
Now to the main order of business. . .
I thought I'd let y'all know where I'm currently at. To begin, let me copy a summary from a message I sent to a buddy yesterday:
"I'm sorry to tell you that I hit what I thought was rock bottom, but then sunk even lower into a metaphorical, sunless abyss. That is where I am currently, and it is hard to see the light from down here. Logically I know I will not be here forever--I have been through so many difficult times in my life it is sometimes hard to remember them all--but unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier. The emotional toll (overwhelming depression) along with the physical shortcomings (mainly severe memory problems) is a lot."
That sums it up. To elaborate, my mental state is in a cloud of hopelessness existentialism. My energy levels are minimal at best. My brain can barely remember the events of yesterday, nevermind plan for the days/weeks/months ahead--I see the past in broad strokes, able to know what generally occurred, but specific details are harder to pinpoint.
I know it's not as "bad" as it could be--I still have my long-term memory, so I'm not forgetting my own name or the people I care about; I can also still manage the monthly game and Patreon-exclusive stories, along with a few other things. But that doesn't make this easier to experience. In addition, I've had memory problems all my life due to neurodivergency, and have feared a deterioration like this since I was a child--so this kind of thing is literally a nightmare come to life.
I'm not fully sure how any of you can help me. Well, now that I think about it, I suppose there is one thing you can do:
Tell me your favorite works of mine. It can be a long or short, one or many. But my sick mind is stating that I produced nothing of value into the world, so hearing evidence of that being a lie is very much needed right now.
Please. I would appreciate it immensely.
That's all I have the energy to write. Thanks for reading. This'll be put on Patreon and on my main accounts.
Later.
I really enjoy your OCs Gris and Dwayne, as well as writing a story for them awhile back. They really connected to me on a somewhat person level and when you feel better in the future, I would love to read more about them (and maybe even write more about them :)) in the future.