I think i'm just going to quietly disappear and never art again because I forgot I'm me and am like.... full of shame and embarrassment at everything I do and nothing in my life ever goes well. Like the art was fun for a bit. Honestly I've gotten more attention on this shit in under 5 months than over 6 plus years doing art online. But.... then I just got more and more ashamed and cringed by myself because I hate myself. Hate my own thoughts. Hate my own art. I don't know why I thought getting a degree in animation was ever a good idea. I'm worthless and can't get a job in the industry I majored in. I don't know why I bother. I mean i fucked up my own body permanently at college and can't really art to the extent I want to. So like.... i can't actually get a job because I'm technically disabled and can't do anything. I will never be able to afford to move out of my parents house so they can keep telling me i'm worthless forever. I don't want to be alive. I don't want anything. I don't want friends. I don't like anyone ever knowing me. I just don't want...

I don't know. I made this whole thing as a hail marry get to be a point I can get out of this fucking hole i'm in. But... I don't and can't. I hate myself too much to keep doing shit like this. Like... who'd even want this shit anyway? it's ugly. it's gross. I hate it. I hate everything i like. I don't want to do this. I don't want to be online. I don't want to but I don't even know how to make it as artists outside of this. What i want is to fucking die. I wanna die. I wanna die.

My parents can just collect my life insurance and use that to retire. I'm just a failed investment at this point anyway. My friends will get over it. Nobody on here gives a shit about me. I'll just be one artist not uploading. My friends and shit don't need me or care about me that much and if they do it's because they like what they think i am. Whatever. I just hate. I am full of hate. I am an awful person and i want to killmyself