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Finding Another Truth.......
16 years ago
General
Its funny on how Life works. Ever had moments in your life that you knew that something was up but didn't what to look into it because it really didn't involved you.
The best way to describe it s this, last night after work I called my father to find out how he is doing and perhaps learn a bit of what is going on. So we talked about thirty minutes and it relieved a fact that I have known for awhile but didn't want to believe it or thought that it could get better. First off, he said that he is never planning on coming back home; that he would rather be homeless under a bridge or die in a car wreck and that if I had any 'magical' thoughts that we could become a family again, it is never going to happen. Second, he confirmed that there was some problems between him and my mother and that he didn't just up and left on a short noticed, that he has been thinking about for a long time. He left because he felt that there was nothing in the marriage anymore and that he is trying to find his old and happy self again. And thirdly, he told me that while he is proud of what I have done so far and still loves me, he said that up to this point, my life has been a privilege; that everything has been given to me on a sliver platter and that if my mother dies the next and such, I would not survive long on my own. All and all, he simply said that I should just get over what has happened and move on with my life.
After that phone call, I have been in deep thought. And have come to this conclusion:
That he is wrong.
True, maybe my life has been given to me, but there were times when I try to repay and give some of it back in return. But they either didn't want it or say that it was not needed. And given my life, it was no walk in the part; given that I have died god knows how many times and even how many times I have been remade or reborn.
I still love my parents, that has never changed even after all of this. From here on out, this entire thing between them is theirs I want absolutely nothing to do with it anymore. Let my father think what he will of me, but in truth he doesn't truly know what I am capable of, like Gohan from Dragonball Z.
I know that there are some people out there that may be tired of hearing the 'emo' moments that I have been posting, but I rather speak the truth and get it out off my chest.
Again, sorry
The best way to describe it s this, last night after work I called my father to find out how he is doing and perhaps learn a bit of what is going on. So we talked about thirty minutes and it relieved a fact that I have known for awhile but didn't want to believe it or thought that it could get better. First off, he said that he is never planning on coming back home; that he would rather be homeless under a bridge or die in a car wreck and that if I had any 'magical' thoughts that we could become a family again, it is never going to happen. Second, he confirmed that there was some problems between him and my mother and that he didn't just up and left on a short noticed, that he has been thinking about for a long time. He left because he felt that there was nothing in the marriage anymore and that he is trying to find his old and happy self again. And thirdly, he told me that while he is proud of what I have done so far and still loves me, he said that up to this point, my life has been a privilege; that everything has been given to me on a sliver platter and that if my mother dies the next and such, I would not survive long on my own. All and all, he simply said that I should just get over what has happened and move on with my life.
After that phone call, I have been in deep thought. And have come to this conclusion:
That he is wrong.
True, maybe my life has been given to me, but there were times when I try to repay and give some of it back in return. But they either didn't want it or say that it was not needed. And given my life, it was no walk in the part; given that I have died god knows how many times and even how many times I have been remade or reborn.
I still love my parents, that has never changed even after all of this. From here on out, this entire thing between them is theirs I want absolutely nothing to do with it anymore. Let my father think what he will of me, but in truth he doesn't truly know what I am capable of, like Gohan from Dragonball Z.
I know that there are some people out there that may be tired of hearing the 'emo' moments that I have been posting, but I rather speak the truth and get it out off my chest.
Again, sorry
It comes down to this, We grow up when we decide to do for ourselves.
We make our own choices, right or wrong, they are our choices...
I think you are doing pretty good.
At annnnny rate. Talking is better than bottling up. I tried bottling up before, makes you feel crappier and crappier until you explode. Exploding isn't good.
Sooooooooooooo, I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Keep on going and keep on living!" ^^
*snuggles*
There is little enough truth out there as it is and the world could use a bit more.
Second, I think you are right in telling yourself that your father does not know what you are capable of. But in reality, I think you don't know what you are capable of.
I think that in the time ahead you are going to surprise yourself.
Your journal tells me that you are allready taking the important psicological stepps to going foreward, getting on with life and facing all the chalenges that are set before you.
Thirdly, you are allso partially right, your parents have problems and if they are going to have any singular semblance of a life together they are going to have to work things out for themselves.
I think you can influence them, but your influence can only be little compared to what they must do with each other.
I think that you have your own life to live and while they do play a part in it you are the one in command of it.
Finnally i think that you are doing a great thing writing this.
I think it helps you conceptualize what you are going through and helps you identify what it is you are dealing with.
It gives you an outlet for the feelings that are inside you and you can understand exactly what is happening to you and around you and what stepps you must take.
I would wish you better days ahead, but i know that better days, like luck, are not gifts from above, they are forged inside you.