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Been Awhile
3 years ago
General
It's been awhile since I did a journal update, but if you've read my blurbs in my recent music pieces, you can guess part of this update post.
First off, hi! Hello! I do still exist, just at a slower pace online! In the process of recovery, I've stepped a bit more outside the online hubs, and it adds up quite a bit. I've played most of Legends Arceus, raised about $150 USD for that charity stream back in NOVEMBER, been getting out to play MTG in person, bowling, and recently I've been getting into going for walks! Among other small things.
The big one for me is getting to play MTG in person again, because over the holidays up until the Neon Dynasty release we were on another strict lockdown, and then for 4 weeks after we had snowstorms on Fridays! But getting back into it has been such a blast, playing new decks, becoming arch enemy more frequently because I like to play more powered up decks. Not cEDH level, but higher than generally what the table is playing. It's fun though, unless it's a 6 player game. Then it just becomes "You played a thing? TABLE! ANNHILATE HIM!"
Bowling has been more fun lately, now with some family matters aired, and we have team members that ACTUALLY show up! I've been less harsh on myself, and save the competitiveness for tournaments, which I've become official captain of! That technically happened awhile ago, but it's become less of a headache now that I have dedicated players.
And with summer coming up, and a couple other factors, I've decided to try and get outside more, by walking, and hopefully can build enough stamina to eventually bike around and not die. I know I work in a trade that gets me moving and lifting, and I bowl, but I haven't done much actively outside that in years. I wanted to change that. So I started walking around my neighbourhood, extending the route at the end of the week, and will probably cap it off at a certain point. I'm also gonna try to keep it to a schedule; Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I don't need to lose weight, but getting good exercise and fresh air is never a bad thing.
And the big update, again if you haven't read my blurbs in my recent music pieces, I've been in the process of mental health recovery. To catch you up to just before this update: In September I went through a break up that left me feeling shattered, I felt it very hard to keep myself together, so I reached out to local mental health services, had an appointment in October that set me up with a therapist which started in January. Updates anew: With the very minor appointment and my own research giving me new coping strats, I found I was able to get over the break up before therapy even started, which is good, but then what? Well, I know full well I still had things I needed to deal with, or wanted to improve, so I took the opportunity to use therapy to work on my personal social anxieties, from phone calls to interacting during in-person conversations.
Well, suffice to say it's been working wonders, whether people see it or not. Phone calls have become so much easier to make, even if answering could use a little more work. I've been making more "meaningful" eye contact during conversations and interactions, and speaking up more during conversations both one-on-one and in groups. Like, I had to call one of my bowlers to see if he was still able to make it. Normally I'd avoid it, or make it as quick a call as possible, but the call turned into a phone conversation about a few topics, and nothing catastrophic happened like my mind was falsely telling me! I've made more eye contact with people than ever probably, because I know that eye contact is a big factor in developing closer connections to people, and I haven't gotten any weird looks or remarks like my mind told me it would! Not only have I been jumping into conversations more, I've been having FULL conversations, and about things I wouldn't have ever guessed I would, and I don't feel the panic that my mind normally created in silence! Hell, on the way out leaving Friday Night Magic, I just blurted out "G'night everyone!" without really any thought, and it felt good! I felt fine! Hell even just going for a short walk and having a small disconnect from the web for an hour just to be at peace feels amazing!
I don't wanna say I feel like a whole new person, but I definitely feel more like the person I've always wanted to be, and that alone is enough to make me happy.
And you know what else? I've been happier with myself as a whole more, and in doing so, felt different about my singleness. Long long loooong ago-okay, September 2020-I made a tinder account, which led to a relationship, and a current new friendship. Well, I grew tired of the same things over and over popping up, so I deleted tinder, just last week actually when I started walking! And even though it means I "see" less faces, I've felt better knowing I'm not in some rat race for a partner, that I can just be ME, and know people like me for me, however that may be. I still have a little ways yet with therapy, but like I said in the most recent piece, the series ain't quite done yet! One more song, when the time is right.
Long update over
Have a good one
-Shifter-
First off, hi! Hello! I do still exist, just at a slower pace online! In the process of recovery, I've stepped a bit more outside the online hubs, and it adds up quite a bit. I've played most of Legends Arceus, raised about $150 USD for that charity stream back in NOVEMBER, been getting out to play MTG in person, bowling, and recently I've been getting into going for walks! Among other small things.
The big one for me is getting to play MTG in person again, because over the holidays up until the Neon Dynasty release we were on another strict lockdown, and then for 4 weeks after we had snowstorms on Fridays! But getting back into it has been such a blast, playing new decks, becoming arch enemy more frequently because I like to play more powered up decks. Not cEDH level, but higher than generally what the table is playing. It's fun though, unless it's a 6 player game. Then it just becomes "You played a thing? TABLE! ANNHILATE HIM!"
Bowling has been more fun lately, now with some family matters aired, and we have team members that ACTUALLY show up! I've been less harsh on myself, and save the competitiveness for tournaments, which I've become official captain of! That technically happened awhile ago, but it's become less of a headache now that I have dedicated players.
And with summer coming up, and a couple other factors, I've decided to try and get outside more, by walking, and hopefully can build enough stamina to eventually bike around and not die. I know I work in a trade that gets me moving and lifting, and I bowl, but I haven't done much actively outside that in years. I wanted to change that. So I started walking around my neighbourhood, extending the route at the end of the week, and will probably cap it off at a certain point. I'm also gonna try to keep it to a schedule; Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I don't need to lose weight, but getting good exercise and fresh air is never a bad thing.
And the big update, again if you haven't read my blurbs in my recent music pieces, I've been in the process of mental health recovery. To catch you up to just before this update: In September I went through a break up that left me feeling shattered, I felt it very hard to keep myself together, so I reached out to local mental health services, had an appointment in October that set me up with a therapist which started in January. Updates anew: With the very minor appointment and my own research giving me new coping strats, I found I was able to get over the break up before therapy even started, which is good, but then what? Well, I know full well I still had things I needed to deal with, or wanted to improve, so I took the opportunity to use therapy to work on my personal social anxieties, from phone calls to interacting during in-person conversations.
Well, suffice to say it's been working wonders, whether people see it or not. Phone calls have become so much easier to make, even if answering could use a little more work. I've been making more "meaningful" eye contact during conversations and interactions, and speaking up more during conversations both one-on-one and in groups. Like, I had to call one of my bowlers to see if he was still able to make it. Normally I'd avoid it, or make it as quick a call as possible, but the call turned into a phone conversation about a few topics, and nothing catastrophic happened like my mind was falsely telling me! I've made more eye contact with people than ever probably, because I know that eye contact is a big factor in developing closer connections to people, and I haven't gotten any weird looks or remarks like my mind told me it would! Not only have I been jumping into conversations more, I've been having FULL conversations, and about things I wouldn't have ever guessed I would, and I don't feel the panic that my mind normally created in silence! Hell, on the way out leaving Friday Night Magic, I just blurted out "G'night everyone!" without really any thought, and it felt good! I felt fine! Hell even just going for a short walk and having a small disconnect from the web for an hour just to be at peace feels amazing!
I don't wanna say I feel like a whole new person, but I definitely feel more like the person I've always wanted to be, and that alone is enough to make me happy.
And you know what else? I've been happier with myself as a whole more, and in doing so, felt different about my singleness. Long long loooong ago-okay, September 2020-I made a tinder account, which led to a relationship, and a current new friendship. Well, I grew tired of the same things over and over popping up, so I deleted tinder, just last week actually when I started walking! And even though it means I "see" less faces, I've felt better knowing I'm not in some rat race for a partner, that I can just be ME, and know people like me for me, however that may be. I still have a little ways yet with therapy, but like I said in the most recent piece, the series ain't quite done yet! One more song, when the time is right.
Long update over
Have a good one
-Shifter-
