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Where I have been.
3 years ago
As you can see, my very, very, very overdue kinktobers have finally been uploaded.
Truthfully I have been off the map since October, and I could sit here and talk to you about all the shit that's happened between now and then. But in the end? that's all an excuse and it's not okay for me to up and leave and not tell my commissioners why I'm not finishing their owed art.
It wasn't my intention to ghost everyone, I was scared they'd get angry if I told them I was struggling but that was all super unfounded because all of you are so sweet and understanding. You still deserved updates, even if it was "not yet."
So I'm very sorry about that! I will likely not do kinktobers like I have in the past again just because I clearly cannot keep up with them so that this doesn't ever happen again.
TLDR; I take full responsibility for not being in contact with you guys. There is zero excuse for it and I'm sorry. But I have uploaded ALL of my queue! So it is no worries now!
Now I want to kind of open up and talk about what's been going on, not to excuse my bad business practices but just to sort of talk about it openly and professionally.
So late 2020 I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID.
I've been trying to be open about it was mt therapists recommendation and I don't think I ever have explained it here before, but it's been a huge part in making it difficult to maintain a professional work schedule.
DID used to be called Multiple Personality disorder, but that's outdated, inaccurate and harmful.
For me, I'm not the only person who operates and controls my body. I don't know what these other people in my brain do, I have full on amnesia. As if my soul gets sucked out of my body and theirs get's put in for a short time.
I am. One of 3 people that draws, and many of the people who have been coming forward lately due to my living situation haven't been one of those 3 artists.
They take my time up, there's no control over when someone is out or not. They are really nice, and they don't mean to keep me from work, but it's been supremely hard to work around these gaps in my memory. Gaps that have been months at a time. I don't want anyone to get the impression DID is evil or dangerous, it isn't, they're people just like me and I treat them like a family. It would just be if your family had to take turns piloting your body to get through the things THEY wanted to do. you know?
Aside from that, I live with an abusive parent in the middle of nowhere. Our tensions have been growing steadily since november and it's gotten to a point where my mental health has declined so much, I was begging to be put in a ward. I didn't have to do that, thankfully! And I am much better but i am. definitely struggling right now.
With DID plus my physical health issues ( I walk with a cane) I've just been super rotting away in my bedroom unable to control much of my life from November until now, and I'm just starting to get myself back on track after this giant spiral.
I am coming back to commissions full swing!
We are learning to work around our time gaps better as a system/body with DID, and with that we're beginning to open up and educate people more on it too.
So if anybody has questions about it, or thinks a little informational post about it could help I would be happy to make one.
I hope everyone is still around <3 I miss you all, you're all such a sweet understanding community and I owe a lot of the good things in my life to you for allowing me to live off of my art. So thank you for reading and understanding.
Truthfully I have been off the map since October, and I could sit here and talk to you about all the shit that's happened between now and then. But in the end? that's all an excuse and it's not okay for me to up and leave and not tell my commissioners why I'm not finishing their owed art.
It wasn't my intention to ghost everyone, I was scared they'd get angry if I told them I was struggling but that was all super unfounded because all of you are so sweet and understanding. You still deserved updates, even if it was "not yet."
So I'm very sorry about that! I will likely not do kinktobers like I have in the past again just because I clearly cannot keep up with them so that this doesn't ever happen again.
TLDR; I take full responsibility for not being in contact with you guys. There is zero excuse for it and I'm sorry. But I have uploaded ALL of my queue! So it is no worries now!
Now I want to kind of open up and talk about what's been going on, not to excuse my bad business practices but just to sort of talk about it openly and professionally.
So late 2020 I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID.
I've been trying to be open about it was mt therapists recommendation and I don't think I ever have explained it here before, but it's been a huge part in making it difficult to maintain a professional work schedule.
DID used to be called Multiple Personality disorder, but that's outdated, inaccurate and harmful.
For me, I'm not the only person who operates and controls my body. I don't know what these other people in my brain do, I have full on amnesia. As if my soul gets sucked out of my body and theirs get's put in for a short time.
I am. One of 3 people that draws, and many of the people who have been coming forward lately due to my living situation haven't been one of those 3 artists.
They take my time up, there's no control over when someone is out or not. They are really nice, and they don't mean to keep me from work, but it's been supremely hard to work around these gaps in my memory. Gaps that have been months at a time. I don't want anyone to get the impression DID is evil or dangerous, it isn't, they're people just like me and I treat them like a family. It would just be if your family had to take turns piloting your body to get through the things THEY wanted to do. you know?
Aside from that, I live with an abusive parent in the middle of nowhere. Our tensions have been growing steadily since november and it's gotten to a point where my mental health has declined so much, I was begging to be put in a ward. I didn't have to do that, thankfully! And I am much better but i am. definitely struggling right now.
With DID plus my physical health issues ( I walk with a cane) I've just been super rotting away in my bedroom unable to control much of my life from November until now, and I'm just starting to get myself back on track after this giant spiral.
I am coming back to commissions full swing!
We are learning to work around our time gaps better as a system/body with DID, and with that we're beginning to open up and educate people more on it too.
So if anybody has questions about it, or thinks a little informational post about it could help I would be happy to make one.
I hope everyone is still around <3 I miss you all, you're all such a sweet understanding community and I owe a lot of the good things in my life to you for allowing me to live off of my art. So thank you for reading and understanding.
Like, I saw the word plurality on this comment and got so excited that someone knows what they're talking about? XD it was exciting! I also have a partner system and a lot of our headmates date eachother. It makes it easier to have someone IRL for support but it's not like they can really help with whose been fronting :((
We might do a little introduction! There are. A lot of us, but not a lot of people front. I think it would be nice to have something like a carrd to stick in our profile sometime! ^^
I wish I was brave enough to be that open omg. People tend to be so nasty about Plurality, even other plurals.
That's really cool though! and very reassuring ;;; I will probably make a card like that too. Just Very difficult bc we have a lot more people than they do PFFT.
I will probably end up sharing more about it here since a few people were curious.
That's really sweet ;;; Honestly just people extending a hand in understanding already makes me feel a lot better. I don't think you have to have DID to relate experiences you know? Plus I think both of us have BPD? I might be misremembering fhghf.
Thank you Toon, it really means a lot to me!