As of tonight, I just played through the original Shadow Warrior game for the first time. While the game had been a part of the family since I was a kid, it wasn't until now that I sat down and played through the whole thing. And that's no small feat, Shadow Warrior is one of the toughest classic FPS's there is.

Let's get this out of the way: This game does not age well. Not so much in terms of gameplay but...everything else. You take on the role of Lo Wang, a recently retired corporate mercenary working for the Zilla Corporation, until resigning for moral reasons after Zilla himself starts summoning dark creatures and demons as a means of attaining world domination. As the final test of his new army, Zilla's millions are instructed to kill Lo Wang and that's where our journey begins. And...okay look, it was 1997, it was 3D Realms, the protagonist was ambiguously Asian, you can probably see where this is going. If you're familiar with Duke Nukem 3D and all of the enlightenment that comes with that game, Shadow Warrior is essentially the same thing, but with stereotypically Asian set dressing, and that's putting it extremely mildly. Lo Wang himself is problematic in his speaking mannerisms and the shit he actually says, and the game can never seem to decide just who exactly it's directing its stereotyping towards, China, Japan, and whatever else all mashed into a sloppy ball of generally mish-mashed racism. One moment Wang's doing the "replace L's with R's" thing because haha, other languages, and the next moment he's saying "Ancient Chinese Secret" upon discovering a hidden area. On one hand, he's sexually harassing naked or nearly naked anime girls, but on the other hand, Lo Wang isn't even close to a Japanese name. Also, Lo Wang.

But with all that in mind, there's a part of me that can definitely laugh at this time capsule of 90's edgelord humor. It's one thing to be stupid, but when you're this unapologetically stupid, you're bound to earn a chuckle here and there just at the sheer brazenness of your stupidity.

As a game itself, it's a fast and crazy romp through a relentlessly difficult army of diverse and dangerous baddies with a ludicrous arsenal that fits right in with the shooters of the time. If one was a fine of the likes of Duke Nukem or Blood, there's a good chance that Shadow Warrior would earn a passing grade as well in terms of gameplay.

I decided to record a video of my virgin attempt at the final level, not knowing how it'd all go, so you're seeing all of my decisions and mistakes as they happened in real time. For the record, I HAVE fought the final boss before because dad had a save file positioned right outside the boss's door when I was a kid, but we're talking like, 20 years ago. But I never before actually went through the whole level. I didn't even remember what it looked like. It's a simple level at its core, a finale that doesn't try to overstay its welcome. All of the game's bosses make an appearance here along with many of its non-boss enemies so there's a little of everything here. The fight with the Serpent God especially is, in my opinion, good watchin'.

Anyway nobody's going to watch this or partake in any discussion of my non-porn personal interests but I like it so, here it is.

P.S. Best part about this level having 3 boss fights is that it means we get to hear that sweet ass boss track 3 times.