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So Much Left Behind
3 years ago
Hi, I don't know why I'm typing this up, I guess I just have a bunch of nonsense in my head and feel like writing some of it out... I'm not very eloquent or wordy so forgive me.
I look back years and years and just see... Mess... People disconnected and drifted from, relationships soiled and ruined, friends turned to people who despise me... The myriad times I've been a stupid fuck and deserved every bit of clap back I got.
Part of me wonders what life would have been like if I got my shit together at the right time, if I had focused properly on improving, if I'd ever listened to the people going "hey you're an asshole"... Bleh
I miss those people, every last one of them, but there is no going back, no reconnecting and picking back up, and even if it was possible why would those people ever want to welcome me? It's not reasonable to ever... Expect people to take you back...
I know some day I'll do it again, drift away from everyone, forget who I am and what matters and just go. I don't want to, but I don't feel I have much control over it.
To those of you from the old days still hanging out, thank you, never feel like you can't say hello.
To those I've disappointed over the years, I'm sorry. And that's not enough I know, but it's all I will ever be.
To those around now, thank you for your support, I'm sorry for when I inevitably squander it.
I'll post art again at some point.
Peace.
I look back years and years and just see... Mess... People disconnected and drifted from, relationships soiled and ruined, friends turned to people who despise me... The myriad times I've been a stupid fuck and deserved every bit of clap back I got.
Part of me wonders what life would have been like if I got my shit together at the right time, if I had focused properly on improving, if I'd ever listened to the people going "hey you're an asshole"... Bleh
I miss those people, every last one of them, but there is no going back, no reconnecting and picking back up, and even if it was possible why would those people ever want to welcome me? It's not reasonable to ever... Expect people to take you back...
I know some day I'll do it again, drift away from everyone, forget who I am and what matters and just go. I don't want to, but I don't feel I have much control over it.
To those of you from the old days still hanging out, thank you, never feel like you can't say hello.
To those I've disappointed over the years, I'm sorry. And that's not enough I know, but it's all I will ever be.
To those around now, thank you for your support, I'm sorry for when I inevitably squander it.
I'll post art again at some point.
Peace.
We're here for you if you ever need someone to talk to, vent at, or just anything at all. Please take care. Wishing you all the best!
The fact you've written any of this, that you can reflect on your past and yourself as a person, says a lot on it's own. It says you aren't an asshole, it says you're someone worth knowing, that you're willing to accept responsibility for yourself. That alone is deserving of respect.
Lastly, some people do just drift apart, it's a natural course of life. I've known and been friends with plenty of people I no longer talk to, not because of negative outcomes, but because we just stopped heading the same direction in life. Sometimes it's worth rebuilding those connections, sometimes it's not, no one has unlimited energy to maintain hundreds of friendships.
Yours, oft-times in silence,
Mika