After Mom fell and broke her left leg two weeks ago, I’ve been having to take care of her. It’s something I am extremely new at. Waiting on her, taking care of her dogs, taking her to the toilet and to take a bath. She’s been unable to walk on her own since the fall and has to be pushed about in a wheelchair.

When my cousin came down last week, she caused a ruckus around the house, and that pissed Mom off.

She admits that her lashing out has more to do with her inability to take care of herself than any mistakes on my part, yet when she does complain, it hurts me.

Now her boyfriend, for the first time in the ten years that I’ve known him, came down allegedly eating snacks he bought for her (though she doesn’t mind), even if it was just a little bit (a bad habit I had in the past, that I’m doing better not doing) and that I only care if I eat.

I feel like I’m an asshole and I don’t realize it.
I’m scared about what I’m going to do with all these bad vibes. What I might do to myself.

I feel like I can’t make anyone happy, IRL or otherwise. I might even deactivate like I did in February and be away… who knows.

I don’t even think I have a real purpose except as someone to yell at.