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Moving Forward
3 years ago
We'll be right back after these messages, brought to you by N's Telegram Channel
Hello everyone. Apologies for the lateness of this journal, but my internet decided to crap itself for 2 days, go figure huh? I also wanna apologise if I may have scared anyone with my last journal.
See, my mental health hasn't been the best lately, and I've been carrying a fair bit of grief for... a while. Let's go with a while. Either way I don't wanna put this all as some kinds of episode or anything dimissive like that. But the fact remains that, really, I have a hard time fully letting go of certain negative feelings. Consequently, they cause me to act out in certain ways once they reach a certain threshold; in this case I was dealing with a lot of grief and frustration that resulted in me following certain trains of logic I could find to "alleviate" them, so to speak. I like to think I'm capable of handling this stuff, but in the end I just get overwhelmed and my mental health takes a nose dive until I can reassert myself.
As a writer, I hold myself to a certain standard. Namely, that I can achieve some kind of recognition on my own. Without help. Without needing some kind of artist sponsor. Without needing to pander. Without having to sacrifice my ethics or creative visions. When I feel like that isn't working, I develop grief and frustration I basically, put away for a while. I constantly strive to find what works, with little success I'll be honest.
I genuinely want to make a difference in the Furry Community, y'know? It's why I keep trying to engage with people all the time. I keep trying to share my ideas and wanna keep trying to find new potential in the same old stuff you find in it. Maybe I'm just asking to much.
Anyways, long story short I had a nice long discussion with my boyfriend, who helped me deal a lot of this grief and frustration I've been feeling. As such, no, I'm not quitting writing just yet, but I feel my mental state isn't in the most conducive place right now, but I'm going to keep trying. That's all I can do, I guess. I'm going to be working at it more. I'm going to talk more with my boyfriend to help maintain my mood.
Honestly though I think part of my issue is that I'm missing the support network I used to have back when I was hanging around Brock. I kinda miss that. And I miss him. RIP dude.
See, my mental health hasn't been the best lately, and I've been carrying a fair bit of grief for... a while. Let's go with a while. Either way I don't wanna put this all as some kinds of episode or anything dimissive like that. But the fact remains that, really, I have a hard time fully letting go of certain negative feelings. Consequently, they cause me to act out in certain ways once they reach a certain threshold; in this case I was dealing with a lot of grief and frustration that resulted in me following certain trains of logic I could find to "alleviate" them, so to speak. I like to think I'm capable of handling this stuff, but in the end I just get overwhelmed and my mental health takes a nose dive until I can reassert myself.
As a writer, I hold myself to a certain standard. Namely, that I can achieve some kind of recognition on my own. Without help. Without needing some kind of artist sponsor. Without needing to pander. Without having to sacrifice my ethics or creative visions. When I feel like that isn't working, I develop grief and frustration I basically, put away for a while. I constantly strive to find what works, with little success I'll be honest.
I genuinely want to make a difference in the Furry Community, y'know? It's why I keep trying to engage with people all the time. I keep trying to share my ideas and wanna keep trying to find new potential in the same old stuff you find in it. Maybe I'm just asking to much.
Anyways, long story short I had a nice long discussion with my boyfriend, who helped me deal a lot of this grief and frustration I've been feeling. As such, no, I'm not quitting writing just yet, but I feel my mental state isn't in the most conducive place right now, but I'm going to keep trying. That's all I can do, I guess. I'm going to be working at it more. I'm going to talk more with my boyfriend to help maintain my mood.
Honestly though I think part of my issue is that I'm missing the support network I used to have back when I was hanging around Brock. I kinda miss that. And I miss him. RIP dude.
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