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It's called "Tough Love" for a reason.
3 years ago
My furry presence:
Fur Affinity: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/tamias6/
Devient Art: http://tamias6.deviantart.com/
Sofurry: https://tamiasthechipmunk.sofurry.com/
Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~tamiasthechipmunk
Inkbunny: https://inkbunny.net/tamiasthechipmunk
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/tamiasthec.....nk.bsky.social
Fur Affinity: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/tamias6/
Devient Art: http://tamias6.deviantart.com/
Sofurry: https://tamiasthechipmunk.sofurry.com/
Weasyl: https://www.weasyl.com/~tamiasthechipmunk
Inkbunny: https://inkbunny.net/tamiasthechipmunk
Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/tamiasthec.....nk.bsky.social
"I've let monsters (aka Toxic individuals) into my life before. It breaks my heart." says a well known furry youtuber.
Trust me, dude. You are NOT alone on that. I've done that. Others have done that. It's a common mistake us humans are liable of making. It's not necceserly soly because of being nieve, dumb, stupid, gullible, etc. Though such flaws can play a factor on those that don't keep a sharp mind when it comes to dealing with life and people in general. It's because atleast for those like me who tend to wear our hearts on the outside, aka have alot of empathy, it's easy to be taken advantage of. I know this to be a fact because I'm not proud to say I've been burned, used, and steped on before by toxic people. You bet your sweet ass it does hurt.
It brings up a problem for people that have open hearts. We want to care. Given how austere the world is especially nowadays, compassion, empathy, in otherwords actually giving a shit is a precious rare commodity that just about every human being on the planet desperately needs right now. But there is just not enough of it to go around.
That lack of empathy leaves people alone with what ever inner demons that eats away at them. A person that is made to feel like nobody cares eventually becomes the very things that tormented them in the first place. Hell, some are so damage by careless people that even all the care in the world they receive at long last becomes too little, too late, and the person degrades into a broken soul anyway.
Empathetic people are empathetic because, often times, they themselves have bore the brunt of a careless unfair world, and thus know full well how much hurt it can cause. They don't want others to experience that level of pain. They don't want others to feel alone. They want to do want they can to make sure others feel valid.
So empathetic people tend to reach out. They give second, third, fourth, fifth.....and so on....chances to transgressors, even if transgressors turn out to be careless, abusive, toxic people that should have NEVER been welcomed in the first damn place. This is why in too many instances, empathetic people tend to have the unfortunate luck of so-called friends turning out to be toxic people wreaking havoc on empathetic people and their social circles.
Now I could simply say, "Well you just need to grow a thick hide and just block the edglords and douchbages of the world and not invite anymore in your life ever again." In fact I have said this time and again.... so many times I feel like posting a sound clip of me saying those words and have the clip set on repeat. Why? Because that is what you should do!
But for those like me who are empathetic, I acknowledge its not that easy. Again you don't want others to feel the loneliness and the hurt that goes along with being yet another one the world doesn't gives a shit about no matter how much you need a friend let alone a reassuring hand on the shoulder. In my case when I'm forced to block, ban, eject, kick, a person out of my life over toxicity, it hurts me more so than the person I'm blocking and/or booting. I also hate having to be weary of those I first meet, having to keep them at arms length until I know for certain they can be trusted. I hate having my hand forced in these ways, because I feel like I'm putting the person I'm ejecting or not trusting right away, in a place that I myself dread being in.
But even though as hard it is for empathetic people not to immediately welcome anybody with open arms until they prove trust worthiness and be quick to eject toxic individuals, a cold hard truth needs to be understood here. Yes it seems to be a border line instinct to be caring, forgiving, to make others around you feel like they matter, and spare them the hurt you may have felt in your own life.
But that cold hard truth is the person that you need to show the most empathy to is YOURSELF! You need to have enough of a thick hide and enough resolve to weed out toxic people for YOUR OWN GOOD. Otherwise if you allow youself to be stepped on by toxic people enough times, you will eventually become the very toxicity that you have sacrificed yourself trying with all your heart and soul to save others from.
Bottom line, yes by all means be empathetic! The world needs more of that and less austerity. But you also need to be empathetic to yourself, your tender heart, your soul by weeding out people that take advantage of you. It's called "Tough Love" for a reason.
Trust me, dude. You are NOT alone on that. I've done that. Others have done that. It's a common mistake us humans are liable of making. It's not necceserly soly because of being nieve, dumb, stupid, gullible, etc. Though such flaws can play a factor on those that don't keep a sharp mind when it comes to dealing with life and people in general. It's because atleast for those like me who tend to wear our hearts on the outside, aka have alot of empathy, it's easy to be taken advantage of. I know this to be a fact because I'm not proud to say I've been burned, used, and steped on before by toxic people. You bet your sweet ass it does hurt.
It brings up a problem for people that have open hearts. We want to care. Given how austere the world is especially nowadays, compassion, empathy, in otherwords actually giving a shit is a precious rare commodity that just about every human being on the planet desperately needs right now. But there is just not enough of it to go around.
That lack of empathy leaves people alone with what ever inner demons that eats away at them. A person that is made to feel like nobody cares eventually becomes the very things that tormented them in the first place. Hell, some are so damage by careless people that even all the care in the world they receive at long last becomes too little, too late, and the person degrades into a broken soul anyway.
Empathetic people are empathetic because, often times, they themselves have bore the brunt of a careless unfair world, and thus know full well how much hurt it can cause. They don't want others to experience that level of pain. They don't want others to feel alone. They want to do want they can to make sure others feel valid.
So empathetic people tend to reach out. They give second, third, fourth, fifth.....and so on....chances to transgressors, even if transgressors turn out to be careless, abusive, toxic people that should have NEVER been welcomed in the first damn place. This is why in too many instances, empathetic people tend to have the unfortunate luck of so-called friends turning out to be toxic people wreaking havoc on empathetic people and their social circles.
Now I could simply say, "Well you just need to grow a thick hide and just block the edglords and douchbages of the world and not invite anymore in your life ever again." In fact I have said this time and again.... so many times I feel like posting a sound clip of me saying those words and have the clip set on repeat. Why? Because that is what you should do!
But for those like me who are empathetic, I acknowledge its not that easy. Again you don't want others to feel the loneliness and the hurt that goes along with being yet another one the world doesn't gives a shit about no matter how much you need a friend let alone a reassuring hand on the shoulder. In my case when I'm forced to block, ban, eject, kick, a person out of my life over toxicity, it hurts me more so than the person I'm blocking and/or booting. I also hate having to be weary of those I first meet, having to keep them at arms length until I know for certain they can be trusted. I hate having my hand forced in these ways, because I feel like I'm putting the person I'm ejecting or not trusting right away, in a place that I myself dread being in.
But even though as hard it is for empathetic people not to immediately welcome anybody with open arms until they prove trust worthiness and be quick to eject toxic individuals, a cold hard truth needs to be understood here. Yes it seems to be a border line instinct to be caring, forgiving, to make others around you feel like they matter, and spare them the hurt you may have felt in your own life.
But that cold hard truth is the person that you need to show the most empathy to is YOURSELF! You need to have enough of a thick hide and enough resolve to weed out toxic people for YOUR OWN GOOD. Otherwise if you allow youself to be stepped on by toxic people enough times, you will eventually become the very toxicity that you have sacrificed yourself trying with all your heart and soul to save others from.
Bottom line, yes by all means be empathetic! The world needs more of that and less austerity. But you also need to be empathetic to yourself, your tender heart, your soul by weeding out people that take advantage of you. It's called "Tough Love" for a reason.
