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A hole in my heart that's, sadly, still there...
3 years ago
General
I debated with myself as to whether or not I was going to make this journal or not. I thought about it for weeks. I ultimately decided I needed to, if only to get some of the pain out.
On Tuesday, February 19, 2019, I lost someone very dear to me. My friends all know I'm referring to
yaegashi, who passed away, due to an asthma attack. It's been three years, and it still hurts me to think about. For the last week, every time my mind has strayed, it's gone to him. Today would have been his birthday. Why it's affecting me this much, I'm not sure, but I've caught myself tearing up multiple times in the last week, and came close to fully crying when I brought him up to my roommate yesterday. Him being gone is not stopping me from living my life or anything like that, but I find myself cycling through the same emotions any time I think about him that I did the day I learned he passed. This last week, though, felt almost the same as it did that day.
I miss him. I know that won't bring him back, but it doesn't change the fact that I'd give anything to hug him again. Am I being stupid? Am I overreacting? I don't think so. But I will admit that, while I know I didn't think I'd ever FORGET Wessy, I thought, by now, it wouldn't still hurt as much as it does.
Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just... really miss him.
My original tribute
Cover of tribute song
On Tuesday, February 19, 2019, I lost someone very dear to me. My friends all know I'm referring to
yaegashi, who passed away, due to an asthma attack. It's been three years, and it still hurts me to think about. For the last week, every time my mind has strayed, it's gone to him. Today would have been his birthday. Why it's affecting me this much, I'm not sure, but I've caught myself tearing up multiple times in the last week, and came close to fully crying when I brought him up to my roommate yesterday. Him being gone is not stopping me from living my life or anything like that, but I find myself cycling through the same emotions any time I think about him that I did the day I learned he passed. This last week, though, felt almost the same as it did that day.I miss him. I know that won't bring him back, but it doesn't change the fact that I'd give anything to hug him again. Am I being stupid? Am I overreacting? I don't think so. But I will admit that, while I know I didn't think I'd ever FORGET Wessy, I thought, by now, it wouldn't still hurt as much as it does.
Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just... really miss him.
My original tribute
Cover of tribute song
It shows you still love and remember him. Like I still love and remember my mum and grandpa.
And I'm glad he got to see his cameo in my (unfortunately now neglected) story.
So I say again, you're just a big hearted loving guy who misses their close and beloved friend.
*hugs, and tears up*
May I also say, though, thank you for sharing some of your own personal losses.
I lost my father almost fifteen years ago. The thing I learned from that is the pain doesn't fade, really. The hole left in your life by their abscence is still there and always will be. However it does change over time. It maybe the special times you miss. The holidays and birthdays. The missed opportunities.
What I've learned to take solace in though is the knowledge that they would be proud of me if they were alive and could see what I've done and accomplished.
I never knew your friend, however I can say with some certainty they'd be (and in some way certainly is) very proud of you.
And thank you for your condolences earlier. I forgot to thank you last time.
I cant look at any of the art Ive done for him with out a twinge of sadness, or maybe a tear or two welling up.
You arent stupid at all, you loved and cared for him.
I miss him too.
"What is grief...but love persevering?" -The Vision, WandaVision.