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... unhappy again
3 years ago
I don't know how to put into words how bad I feel
psychologically speaking, my seizures have escalated a lot and are severe enough to the point that I really want to give up, sell my characters and erase everything about myself.
Last year in this period there was a ridiculous and out of context cancellation that clueless people made against me and well that affects me to this day,
I know I should be happy to have a home to live independently, people who like my work, family and friends, but no matter what I still find a way to be unhappy and think I don't deserve anything I've achieved.
It's surreal sabotage and it's hard to believe that a day will pass
I don't know what's wrong with me and even with therapy and medicine it never ends
I find my art mediocre, boring and like everyone could do 1000X better than me
I feel complaining with a full belly
I imagine that for you who accompany me you must think "wow again she's crying and complaining around, what a drama" but it hurts inside..
It hurts to know that I'm not behaving like I should and it's hard to find someone understanding enough to give you a hug and say "hey it's going to be okay, it's just a bad time"
I know dealing with mentally unstable people is exhausting and irritating.
It's very tiring, and believe me, I try every day to have enough strength to get out of bed and deliver a minimally adequate job, but these days I'm falling apart.
I don't know what to do even though I have a lot to do
Sorry for not being the artist you deserve.
psychologically speaking, my seizures have escalated a lot and are severe enough to the point that I really want to give up, sell my characters and erase everything about myself.
Last year in this period there was a ridiculous and out of context cancellation that clueless people made against me and well that affects me to this day,
I know I should be happy to have a home to live independently, people who like my work, family and friends, but no matter what I still find a way to be unhappy and think I don't deserve anything I've achieved.
It's surreal sabotage and it's hard to believe that a day will pass
I don't know what's wrong with me and even with therapy and medicine it never ends
I find my art mediocre, boring and like everyone could do 1000X better than me
I feel complaining with a full belly
I imagine that for you who accompany me you must think "wow again she's crying and complaining around, what a drama" but it hurts inside..
It hurts to know that I'm not behaving like I should and it's hard to find someone understanding enough to give you a hug and say "hey it's going to be okay, it's just a bad time"
I know dealing with mentally unstable people is exhausting and irritating.
It's very tiring, and believe me, I try every day to have enough strength to get out of bed and deliver a minimally adequate job, but these days I'm falling apart.
I don't know what to do even though I have a lot to do
Sorry for not being the artist you deserve.
BrutusBaylor
~brutusbaylor
I don't know your situation, but I can sympathize going through similar issues with my own mind. Though I can say your work is beautiful, you're very brave and strong to he able to admit let alone talk about these things. I know a lot of things can be said but not feel like they mean anything. Though nothing is for certain, but there are people who love you, and care for you. Love your work and everything you do, I can't say for certain it'll be better tomorrow. All I can say is give it a shot, and try your best. What little virtual hugs can do, and someone you don't know telling you you got this, and you're awesome.
SteelQuill21
~steelquill21
When you have these bad times, it's always the thing to do to reach out to friends. We care about you. We support you. And we believe in you. I would never have commissioned you so many times and asked for such fantastic art if I didn't have 100% faith in your abilities. You are a great artist; we love seeing your art show up in our feeds. It can be hard to work through depression and feeling hard on yourself. But we are here for you!
