Because they allow people like me who are able to give out full-sized candy bars this year the pleasure of making all of those tiny bars look like wrapped poop in comparison. Due to my having Festivus planned from now on instead of Chrismahannakwaanzika, I can spruce up my other holidays which deserve attention and are often more fun. So there will be at least fifty children this year dumping out their haul to see this big shining beacon of chocolate sitting out, lame-ifying all the surrounding heathen chow. A proverbial sweet Jesus among the lepers lounging in a pillowcase. Then the parents may do the "you can get two pieces to eat now and save the rest so you don't get sick" spiel to which a full bar will count as one when really being equivalent to six or so others. Not to forget you can't tell your child to eat just half a Snickers. It feels wrong to leave a sticky food half-eaten. Muwhahahaaa!!!

My only regrets are that I couldn't find the big three feet long pixy stix and that Monster energy drinks are not viable to give out.