The Journey of a Furry Awakened to Their Flawed Nature — or On Recognizing Demons and How to Say “No” to Their Temptations (With Respect)

My name is Steven, though the name that I have been known by in the world of “Furry” is Rainbow Roo. Rainbow, because I really enjoy rainbows — and Roo, because I am a big fan of kangaroos. To fill you in on what a furry is — basically, there is a large culture revolving around a fan-base and hobby world and appreciation of the behavior of mixing both the features of humans along with animal traits and characteristics. This can range anywhere in art and media from children’s books, such as the world that Richard Scarry creates that uses animal people in its population, to tv and media shows such as a variety of cartoons or well known movies: Zootopia, Disney’s Robin Hood, Sing, BraveStarr, etc.. There is even evidence and examples of this sort of behavior in ancient Egyptian culture, where their worshipped beings had animal qualities in their art as well.

Furries in most cases create a persona, or character to represent themselves that has these mixture of human and animal qualities. The amount of animal to human ratio varies, but it is usually a 50/50 mixture. Designs can be very basic to all sorts of imaginative additions to style. Some also choose to incorporate demonic or divine energy into their creation as well.

To some furries, this character that is created can become a bit of an idol — for one reason or another they feel an extreme attachment to the character and much prefer to identify as the character they have created rather then their all human counterpart. Some choose to simply see the character as something they have created that represents themselves in the world of furry but acknowledge that they are human and this is a creation of theirs. There are limits to when and how this character “represents” them.

Much of furry culture is contained to an online presence on the internet in the form of furry art related/hosting blogs/sites such as Furaffinity or Deviantart, or in meet-up sites such as FurrTrax, or even online interactive worlds such as SecondLife. There are however periodic real-world meet-ups called furry conventions where furries will go and stay the weekend to attend furry themed panels, dances, and run around in costume, known as fursuits. I have a fursuit myself of my character, though I have not used it in quite some time.

Now that you know a bit about the term furry and what it means to be done — the second part of this journal entry is to discuss a much more important topic and even why I am putting life back into this old journal from so long ago.

I am now a born again Christian. I have been born again since basically around 2017 — roughly five years as of writing this entry. It took the passing of my dad for me to hit a pretty low point and struggle to search for some greater meaning to my life, life in general, and what my purpose for being here is. I found that purpose after my dad passed — and it was a little voice that led me to his library of books that he left me — specifically, for some reason, to investigate one of the many “Holy Bible” books that are in my dad’s study. He had never really pushed or forced religion on me, but something inside me while I was at my lowest point pushed me to investigate this book. I simply cannot put it into better words. Call it a supernatural urging — something wanted me to read this book and look for answers to solve the pain and depression I was dealing with.

Up until my journey as a servant of God and His Son my savior Jesus Christ, my life had been filled with a lot of bad behavior. A lot of selfish behavior. A lot of sinful behavior. Since the late 1990’s/early 2000’s I had always identified as a “male to female” transgender. This was way before all the corporations and groups were out there to support and encourage you in making this kind of a decision. My childhood and young adulthood involved a very great deal of pain and some abuse. It took becoming a Christian and opening my heart to having a relationship with Jesus Christ and His teachings to realize this and just how much damage I had experienced in my earlier years. A lot of this damage caused me to seek validation and approval online. I didn’t really have a strong family dynamic so my “go-to” for approval and validation was in the online world — which I suspect is/was the case for many furries who may have a story or past similar to mine.

One thing furry is known for is being inclusive and accepting no matter who you are or how you identify as. Perhaps even maybe a little “too” accepting, given some of the past drama involving some past furries and their behaviors at conventions, their personal lives, or in how they behaved online. Whatever the case — people who entered into the world of furry would find other people, much like themselves who were seeking love and validation, and could very easily find it among others all while enjoying a very cool fantasy world of being a character or personality that was head and shoulders way more exciting and adventurous then the often boring lives we sometimes find ourselves living in the real world.

So I had found a home for myself in furry. There were rich text based “Role-play” environments where you could create your character and roleplay with other furries who had also created elaborate and beautiful characters for themselves. It was in a world like this that I managed to find friends and acceptance and a general sense of approval that helped me in feeling happy despite the rough and rocky childhood and adolescence that I had gone through.

The world and culture of furry has a bit of a stigma to it. Promiscuity, hedonism, eat drink and be merry, and so on.. Whether in the art, roleplay, or convention areas, furries were, and I am assuming are still well known to involve themselves with “adults only” activities. Adult furry art, BDSM themes — both of these things are no stranger to the hotels who hosted furry conventions. Furries at conventions would often have to struggle to explain some of the “after dark” behavior that they were known for to people that were at the hotel for other reasons and had trouble understanding what was taking place.

I was very much involved in this as a furry. My past sins were primarily that of lust. In my very early years getting involved in furry — I would frequent a text roleplay world where many who identify as furry would go to in order to satiate urges associated with lust and pleasure. These days there are also virtual/graphic worlds where furries can do this as well. I gave up quite a few years of my life towards this activity. I believe, in retrospect — I did so because from it I received a feeling that I was appreciated, enjoyed, accepted. I could have friends who would look forward to my coming around and spending time with them — even if it involved adult activities I still had the feeling and association of being appreciated — and I believe at the deep core of human existence it is natural for every one of us to desire to be loved and appreciated by others.

During all this time of roleplaying as my furry character and attending conventions — I also struggled with two very strong addictions. Opiates and cannabis. The former was first, and only afterwards did I eventually get involved with cannabis as it became more widely legalized and accepted for medicinal reasons. I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy the sensations that these drugs gave to me — I mean, this is why people do drugs and end up addicts. Drugs can make you feel good. They can take away the pain and struggles of being in the world. How easy it is to focus on the pleasure and good sensations instead of focusing on the struggle of life and trying to just find your purpose in a hectic world? Both of these drug habits went well on for a good portion of my life — 15-20 years I would say.

During that time I never really considered quitting either drug. I was able to get either with ease and there just didn’t seem to really be a need or a reason to stop. I also knew there was the pain and suffering of withdrawals that comes with quitting drugs — but that never really entered my mind much because I just never had serious thoughts about quitting. It wasn’t until my dad passed on and about a year had passed that it became an option. It was around 2016 and I was beginning my first steps at being a Christian. A servant of the LORD, as well as His Son Lord Jesus Christ, and of course a servant to all my brothers and sisters in the world (that includes you — that is why I am writing this entry.). I realized that being a true Christian — what it means, is to believe in the LORD, to believe that Jesus Christ died for all my sins — past, present, and future, and how very important it was and is to resist sinning, to flee from sin, and although as a Christian we acknowledge that we will still make mistakes from time to time and sin, we struggle with all that we are to try our hardest to not sin, and if we do — to learn from that mistake so we are better prepared the next time that temptation arises so we can perhaps win that battle the second time. I should note that I have been living drug free for around 1 and a half to 2 years now. Weird that I don’t keep track, I guess — but it’s just not much of a thought or issue for me. My love for the LORD’s Son who saved me from the old person I used to be is so intense that I just have absolutely no desire to go back to these drugs.

Not only is there a requirement to learn what activities and behaviors are sinful as a Christian — but you must share this knowledge with others as well. In Christian culture — this is known as taking the gospel to the unsaved. In other words — if by the grace of some supernatural divine being you found out that there is a God, that there is an eternal kingdom (Heaven), and accepted this all to be true and believed in it— how cold and unloving would your heart be to find all this out but keep it to yourself when you are living in a world where many others have not been so lucky as to have been shown the way like you have?

Yes, it is true that unrepentant sinners generally do not like to be preached the gospel to — and I was no exception. In the apex of my years as a furry I had no time for Jesus Christ, no time to read about or study sin and what the penalty for doing certain behaviors in this world were. I only had time for myself. Living for myself, having fun. The thought of devoting my time and obeying the laws and commands of someone other than myself seemed like it was just asking for way too much — especially when those commands would seem to be saying that the current life I was living would be considered sin, separate me from knowing and understand who and what God is, and that I never would get to know Him unless I turned away from that current life I had been living.

I mean, who likes to be told they are wrong, or bad, or that they are making God angry by how they live? Especially if you feel you are a nice person. A good guy or gal who tries really hard to be courteous and kind to those you come across? The thought of someone coming up to you and telling you that despite all that you are a sinner and that unless you turn to the Lord Jesus and repent none of that will matter just seems like something only a mean and unaccepting person would do, right?

Well, this is how I used to think. Because I didn’t want to humble myself and put the time and research into the matter. Who is some stranger to tell me that I’m not living my life correctly? My pride was getting between me and the thought that there is always the possibility that a stranger might be trying to help me rather than hurt me.

I think I’ve written enough for the first entry of this journal. I say ‘first entry’ even though there are past entries because, like myself, this journal is going to be born again in spirit and represent the new creation I have become. I have left my old journal entries up so that they can be compared in behavior by visitors to the new person I have become in giving my life over to Jesus Christ. When you give your life over to Jesus Christ — it means you no longer have a desire to live just for yourself. For the money, for the guys/girls/sex, for the fame and popularity, for any of the material things. It means you are willing to spend your time and efforts into furthering the LORD"s kingdom, and to trying to open the eyes of other sinners like yourself to the true nature of this world.

What do I mean by the true nature of this world? Well, this world is currently designed in a way to keep people asleep. Asleep to the truth through means of making lots of money, or getting lots of friends and popularity. Everyone wants to be a star and be loved and adored — this is often what social media is about. If something feels good, do it! If someone doesn’t agree with what you are doing or how you want to live, shame them until they accept it! Don’t pay attention to what people say is morally right or wrong — you do you! If anyone has a problem with it — they are the problem, not you or what you are doing. This is what I mean by the nature of this world. It is a world that deftly whispers into your ear to keep sinning, to keep doing certain behaviors that will keep you unable to “hear” or “see” God all around you — something I have certainly become more sensitive to and able to feel His presence the more and better I become at avoiding things considered sinful.

Before I go — a quick little tidbit on what this journal will be about. The majority of it will involve first and foremost my life as a servant of the LORD and His Son my Lord Jesus Christ. After that — it will be a mixture of things. Furry themes, sure — because so much of my life has involved the furry fandom — and just like a sober alcoholic is often a great boon and strength to those who are still alcoholics who are working on their recovery, it is my hope that showing the details and thoughts of my life as a “Christian furry” can help other furries to realize that yes, it very possible to have involvement in this community while being a Christian. You just may not be extremely popular. But then…who in Christian history did what they did in order to be popular? Perhaps our struggles as Christians become well known and approved of among the angels — but with humanity, you will be scorned and mocked. This journal will also discuss and delve into more obscure areas that involve faith and being a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. Angels, fallen (or rebelling) angels, demons, occult practices and symbolisms in society and culture, sin and temptation, understanding and delving into the battle between good and evil, etc.

I would like to say that I promise you a most exciting adventure and quite possibly one of if not the most important moments in the life of anyone who has been kind enough to continue reading this rather long entry and who would like to continue on this strange journey with me. This journal is most certainly not for the faint of heart or the weak-willed. If you have a desire to walk this path with me and understand what it means to be a flawed servant in a world filled with other flawed beings, angels and demons — then you will have to be brave and have an open mind.

Humility and courage, my brothers and sisters. You are entering into territory where there exist beings who provoke you to fear and hatred so that they may feed off of it.

More to come!