FA+
Shop
When the Hammer Falls
3 years ago
Interested in commissions? Check here!
Hello all! I hope everyone's enjoying this great weekend! Especially for Father's Day and Juneteenth this year.
I am especially thankful to to all who took the time to reach out to me in the past week. From comments on FA, to personal messages on Discord, Telegram, and even on Twitter, thank you all who took the time to comfort me in this trying week. If I missed your message I am sorry; know that I appreciate every message I receive. The outpour of support has kept me going through mundane work and days leading up to the funeral for my aunt. It's been a few days since the funeral has completed, yet such support has pushed me further than that day to look ahead.
Before she died, my aunt made mention of what I could do for writing. She knew I could write something big and had faith in me, even when general life hasn't shown that. My own parents too have shown support; especially by my mom's encouragement of writing a book and my dad sharing his old D&D adventures and materials with me. You've all shown that support too. I remember writing something, what took only 30 minutes which to me felt like napkin scribbles unworthy of my friend, making my friend so excited I teared up behind my screen. I remember being late by years for a gift writing I promised; arriving on my knees in forgiveness and handing what - to my perception - written scrap I could hammer together. It is still my friend's most favorite story as he reminds me on a monthly basis. I tremble at the thought of writing commissions; fearing none would like it, or none may buy it, perhaps even if I let someone down. I know it's amusing to imagine an over 10 foot tall, built just as wide, solid golden, titanic dragon trembling like the boogie man's under his bed. But this is what my over-thinking mind has done to me all the time. Thankfully friends remind me they enjoy the writing I do, sometimes to a rapturous applause I feel I'm too undeserving of.
I don't mention this to jerk my ego off. It's quite opposite in fact; to bring up how my inner self has beaten me up when the world around me wants to see what I can do. There's a lot in my life to reflect on; the long days of work where nothing happens, the passing of my aunt and the words she offered, the encouragement of you all, not to mention meditation, a focus on my mental health, and especially what joy writing really brings to me. (An abridged version? A lot!)
To come back to writing for me feels like pulling tarps off sections of an abandoned forge. I can feel the rust in my moments like I've carried 80 more years on my frame than I should have. But to write something - even this journal entry - makes me smile. It rings in my ears like a hammer fall on anvil. To forge worlds, to tell stories, to share visions of giants, growth, silliness, or more serious worldbuilding to come. I've turned away from it out of so many doubts both virtual and real.
I think I want to give it another shot. This time as well? I think it's time I finally attempted commissions. Allowing my writing to pen the stories others have and maybe to make a humble trade at this. I'll be writing some stories at first; some for pleasure and some for testing this out. But if you have patience for me? If you're willing to see what I can do? I'd be humbled beyond measure if you wanna see what I can do. Likewise too if you want to support me still and see where this grows from here.
No amount of writing I can forge can match the generosity and care of you all. No matter what comes, I am forever grateful to have you all in my life. Perhaps it's finally time I left some relics of that appreciation in more than just journal entries. Thank you as well for taking the time to read this journal entry - I know it's rambling and meandering. I hope you all have a great weekend and weeks ahead! I'll keep all in updates as I experiment with this. Perhaps this is what I've always been meant to do. I smile at the thought and look forward to it.
I am especially thankful to to all who took the time to reach out to me in the past week. From comments on FA, to personal messages on Discord, Telegram, and even on Twitter, thank you all who took the time to comfort me in this trying week. If I missed your message I am sorry; know that I appreciate every message I receive. The outpour of support has kept me going through mundane work and days leading up to the funeral for my aunt. It's been a few days since the funeral has completed, yet such support has pushed me further than that day to look ahead.
Before she died, my aunt made mention of what I could do for writing. She knew I could write something big and had faith in me, even when general life hasn't shown that. My own parents too have shown support; especially by my mom's encouragement of writing a book and my dad sharing his old D&D adventures and materials with me. You've all shown that support too. I remember writing something, what took only 30 minutes which to me felt like napkin scribbles unworthy of my friend, making my friend so excited I teared up behind my screen. I remember being late by years for a gift writing I promised; arriving on my knees in forgiveness and handing what - to my perception - written scrap I could hammer together. It is still my friend's most favorite story as he reminds me on a monthly basis. I tremble at the thought of writing commissions; fearing none would like it, or none may buy it, perhaps even if I let someone down. I know it's amusing to imagine an over 10 foot tall, built just as wide, solid golden, titanic dragon trembling like the boogie man's under his bed. But this is what my over-thinking mind has done to me all the time. Thankfully friends remind me they enjoy the writing I do, sometimes to a rapturous applause I feel I'm too undeserving of.
I don't mention this to jerk my ego off. It's quite opposite in fact; to bring up how my inner self has beaten me up when the world around me wants to see what I can do. There's a lot in my life to reflect on; the long days of work where nothing happens, the passing of my aunt and the words she offered, the encouragement of you all, not to mention meditation, a focus on my mental health, and especially what joy writing really brings to me. (An abridged version? A lot!)
To come back to writing for me feels like pulling tarps off sections of an abandoned forge. I can feel the rust in my moments like I've carried 80 more years on my frame than I should have. But to write something - even this journal entry - makes me smile. It rings in my ears like a hammer fall on anvil. To forge worlds, to tell stories, to share visions of giants, growth, silliness, or more serious worldbuilding to come. I've turned away from it out of so many doubts both virtual and real.
I think I want to give it another shot. This time as well? I think it's time I finally attempted commissions. Allowing my writing to pen the stories others have and maybe to make a humble trade at this. I'll be writing some stories at first; some for pleasure and some for testing this out. But if you have patience for me? If you're willing to see what I can do? I'd be humbled beyond measure if you wanna see what I can do. Likewise too if you want to support me still and see where this grows from here.
No amount of writing I can forge can match the generosity and care of you all. No matter what comes, I am forever grateful to have you all in my life. Perhaps it's finally time I left some relics of that appreciation in more than just journal entries. Thank you as well for taking the time to read this journal entry - I know it's rambling and meandering. I hope you all have a great weekend and weeks ahead! I'll keep all in updates as I experiment with this. Perhaps this is what I've always been meant to do. I smile at the thought and look forward to it.
I hope you have an amazing week ahead as well! I'll keep you and everyone posted on what I learn about my writing and if, then how, commissions could go. Thank you so much for your kinds words then and now Otterplop! :D