Emotional Exhaustion
3 years ago
<Insert witty banter here>
I suppose this has been a long time coming, but it has finally reached the limits of my mental faculties. I am emotionally exhausted from all the drama, bullshit, and chaos in this world. Between dealing with the loss of my mother, a group of former "friends" stabbing me in the back, and now the recent decision about women's health rights being actively celebrated by people (and their excitement on the prospect of other rights like those of the LGBTQIA+ community being stripped away)... there is nothing left in my tank. My emotional well has run dry and become barren.
This world is truly falling apart, if it is acceptable to be so cruel and rotten to our fellow human being. The fact that we can happily cause one another misery or suffering and not only feel no remorse but to go unpunished feels so hollow. Good people are made to suffer, and those in power never seem to care--or even go so far as to delight in it, in some cases. There are people who cheer on the pain and anguish, saying it is "what they deserve" without any hesitation or self-reflection on how the person might be feeling. What kind of world is this where someone can look at a person and tell them "you deserve to suffer" and then take an active role in ensuring the person endures agony upon agony. Rather than improve the person's existence, they would sooner use their energy to cause more misery in this world.
The older I get, the more I start to realize that Terry Pratchett's version of Death was completely correct when he ruminated on how things like "justice" and "mercy" are big lies we as humans train ourselves to believe. They are not concepts inherent to this world. Should we--as Death suggested--"grind [the universe] down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve," we will find no atom of justice nor one molecule of mercy. I am realizing I lived too long believing the fantasy that there was an innate "rightness" to the world by which life and action might be judged--a standard to which we can be held. With the veil ripped away and seeing the "man behind the curtain," so to speak, I confess to finding myself not only disappointed but drained of the ability to feel any lingering speck of hope for this world.
As of now, I find myself too tired to want to continue on, despite knowing I have to--for the memory of my deceased mother, if nothing else. But, if I am to be completely honest, all I want to do is sleep--to let myself fall into the beautiful realm of oblivion where real life becomes the dreams and we experience imagination as reality. With what was once considered "inhumane" becoming the new standard for humanity, taking refuge in the peace of a death-like dreamland for the rest of my physical existence is a sorely tempting option. At least there, the fantasies of "justice" and "mercy" can be the law of the land, rather than the ethereal, unattainable concepts that we pretend have any hold in this existence.
No, this is not a "oh, comfort me and reassure me and make me feel better" journal. This is mostly an exercise to vent my emotions and give myself an opportunity to reflect. If my words resonate with anyone reading this, I hope it can serve as a reassurance that you are not alone in how you feel, no matter how much it may seem so.
This world is truly falling apart, if it is acceptable to be so cruel and rotten to our fellow human being. The fact that we can happily cause one another misery or suffering and not only feel no remorse but to go unpunished feels so hollow. Good people are made to suffer, and those in power never seem to care--or even go so far as to delight in it, in some cases. There are people who cheer on the pain and anguish, saying it is "what they deserve" without any hesitation or self-reflection on how the person might be feeling. What kind of world is this where someone can look at a person and tell them "you deserve to suffer" and then take an active role in ensuring the person endures agony upon agony. Rather than improve the person's existence, they would sooner use their energy to cause more misery in this world.
The older I get, the more I start to realize that Terry Pratchett's version of Death was completely correct when he ruminated on how things like "justice" and "mercy" are big lies we as humans train ourselves to believe. They are not concepts inherent to this world. Should we--as Death suggested--"grind [the universe] down to the finest powder and sieve it through the finest sieve," we will find no atom of justice nor one molecule of mercy. I am realizing I lived too long believing the fantasy that there was an innate "rightness" to the world by which life and action might be judged--a standard to which we can be held. With the veil ripped away and seeing the "man behind the curtain," so to speak, I confess to finding myself not only disappointed but drained of the ability to feel any lingering speck of hope for this world.
As of now, I find myself too tired to want to continue on, despite knowing I have to--for the memory of my deceased mother, if nothing else. But, if I am to be completely honest, all I want to do is sleep--to let myself fall into the beautiful realm of oblivion where real life becomes the dreams and we experience imagination as reality. With what was once considered "inhumane" becoming the new standard for humanity, taking refuge in the peace of a death-like dreamland for the rest of my physical existence is a sorely tempting option. At least there, the fantasies of "justice" and "mercy" can be the law of the land, rather than the ethereal, unattainable concepts that we pretend have any hold in this existence.
No, this is not a "oh, comfort me and reassure me and make me feel better" journal. This is mostly an exercise to vent my emotions and give myself an opportunity to reflect. If my words resonate with anyone reading this, I hope it can serve as a reassurance that you are not alone in how you feel, no matter how much it may seem so.
All I see so far from the results of the bipartisan government is economic down turns, inflation through the years, increase mental illnesses and depression and medication rates. climate change never addressed to a satisfactory point when dems are in office. Why are all the problems you list before never were fixed completely and actually perpetrated? You can't blame Republicans since laws can easily go beyond the dems' terms in office like obama care. Anyways your dems are lobbied losers equally as losers as republicans. Can we give up the notion that millionaire stuffy suited idiots with million dollar sponsors are not crooked? I mean you have biden and Clinton having a money laundering foundation equally corrupted as Bush? People have such low standards if they want to rally up with sloganism and corporate figure heads.
A prime example of the dems' ineffectiveness is the golden calf that is climate change. A proxy to sway voters to vote for someone that will not fix anything and will just move the goal post for the politicians benefits
Anyways climate change won't get addressed since the person behind it won't fix an issue that got them elected and rich in the first place.
China and other third world nations that deploy slave labors make 90% of our products and dump crap into our oceans will always be the "sweep under the rug" nations. China skipped singing the Paris climate afford for ten years, rendering the tiny land mass in the west's effects vs the non western countries to null effects.
Why for the past three to four decades with right, left, center, and with other political affiliations have climate change have not been fully mended by now? You can't blame corporations for lobbying since you had campaigns ever since from the beginning being pro eco friendly with their environmental endeavors from the multi billion dollar corporations; You had captain America, video games on the SNES about climate change awesome possum, tv shows addressing climate change, corporate pacts and public campaigns all designed to attack "man made climate change." (Sounds like a easy to remember corporate slogan now does it?)
And you can't blame republicans since no republican politicians beside a very few tried to counteract an environmental law and they even propped up some environmental laws to cater to the more left leaning crowds.
Now let me ask this, why do we still have this problem in 2022?
Why are all of the life necessities such as Gasoline, power consumption, Water consumption, self reliance systems like crypto and NFTs, material consumption, and other life necessities all being targeted and sometimes vilified?
Why is it prohibitively expensive to get solar panels and why is it under so many red tape? Wouldn't the government want to give everyone solar panels or at lease deregulate solar panel installations to make it easier for people to use more clean energy while ignoring the whines of the electric companies?
Why are the politicians are talking about climate change when the economy is severely suffering? Seems to me they like counter productive methods that cripples people abilities to produce wealth to use that wealth for clean energy.
Wouldn't you want a well funded population to be able to invest into green energy? Like electric cars, domestic factories with better filtration systems than china's smog filled areas, and other self efficient based systems that reduce pollutive industrial emissions. Why starting in 2021 the economy all of a sudden suffered in a down turn after the enactment of climate change initiatives in that same time period? You cant blame supply shortages since we are supposedly producing more oil than usual (and selling it to foreign countries instead for ourselves.) And the only indications of the cause of shortages is from the effects of the rampant regulations set forth in mid 2021 and partly from US state government and non US government impeding production with the onset of covid in 2020.
Still though in 2020; even with the height of covid, we still had better aspects in our economy than we are in now.
My disgust is at the politicians from the single simple principal that NEITHER left or right winger politicians DO CARE, if they did, they wouldn't allow china to skip signing the Paris climate accord by 10 years(they can still try to wiggle out of signing it later.), they wouldn't be allowing China to constantly produce the majority of our goods while producing the major part of our planetary pollution along with other third world countries.
If they cared they would of focus on the economy so we can ween off from our old methods of consuming and producing and to help fund further research, or better yet, also had this stuff figured out a decade ago with out trying to destroy our way of living.
Look at the partisan politicians ten years ago, are we happier now? As an aggregate I would say we are not better off from the consecutive partisan cycles. Its all divide and conquer BS positioned to propagandize the population for easy votes and money. Btw neither the left or right cared about the poor, that's why California is such a miserable place .
I will never trust some politicians at face value, multi billion dollar systems like the UN, or think tanks that have no incentive to help me when the problem is too profitable for them in the first place. Why would they fix the problem when the problems is what's giving them the powers to begin with?
Many countries are phasing out paper notes in various degrees for credit cards. And crypto and NFTs can easily be a necessity for certain people who want to be less dependent on the failing and flawed traditional banking system. Plus it's good for the lower class to be more independent.
The principal alone can be good to decentralize a failing currency system with heavy concerted effort to reform the faults behind it. Even if people hate the two i believe it's a moral out cry to throw the potential filled concepts out like throwing a baby along with the bath water out the window. Why not argue for improving crypto and NFTs to be better and less resource intensive and stable? If we always called for end of technologies just because of their initial flaws and inefficiencies then we would never have computers or powerful program apis since we had vacuum tubes for computers and havd never Made compression algorithm before.
We would still be running on steam engines and the abacus if we still had that mindset.
Crypto evolved in many stages so this tells me that Crypto systems can simply move away from cloud flare and create a backup plan or completely different server structure? (Like more P2P based.)
Thats the benefits of crypto, it's dynamic unlike the aging banking system losing it's global value it self. Is cryptoperfect or implemented well? That's debatable but my main point is that the flexibility concept alone is why I think there's still potential and should still be tinkered even if we have to throw away cryptography for something completely diffrent. I mean it's heavily software based unlike the heavily physically reliant based banking system that allowed billions in identity fraud when they mixed in online banking.
that outage happening I believe will force companies who work with crypto to fix something that glaring so I don't think it's "stuck in the past." If anything me haven't hearing about of it probably signify to me that it was a momentary hiccup that'll adjust it self. And yes crypto gradually has been tanking for the past year... Just like the world economy too.
The fact that there were still 5% up shows me that competition is good and the fact that some crypto systems can withstand outages if certain implications are employed properly. So its not the technology and principal that is at fault, its the implementation. There's a lot of crypto currency out there that you must assume not all of the 95% were mainstream to begin with. Lots of them were probably entry leveled projects that were botched jobs. Theoretically like a statistical iceberg. Even if many major systems got affected that I see, they'll patched it up for the sake of their bottom line and for the sakes of trillions.
So no, it's not stuck in the past. Software updates and hardware updates alone make that impossible to flat out say that.
while it's not pristine you have to understand our banking system haven't changed much for centuries and caused far more death and misery with proxy wars, giga inflation, and national debts, than far more novek crypro. My point again is that if crypto simply exists then people have have at lease a back up plan and have alternative streams of revenue.
Crypto doesnt even have to be our main source of income to be beneficial.
Also don't forget that the inept feds are trying to manipulate crypto since they want to take money out of it for them selves, you you will see it's artificially induced effects. Like a cancer cell trying to latch onto a healthy cell.
The stocks market has been steadily decline rapidly too so you can't tell me it's all roses with traditional systems Again my point is the potential of it, not the quality. Throw the poisonous water out, not the baby along with the bath water. It's a concept, not a whole single edifice that can't change and morph. If we had that throwing away the baby with the bathwater mindset with any other part of technology we would still be using basic on our C64 and complaining that computers sucks and would have thrown away computers without of trying to improve computers. Instead we see it faults and made quantum computers and ray tracing APIs for complex maths possible.
They're Human Constructs. Meaning that whoever is in the seat of power to dictate what's right or wrong has the ability to codify that into the subjects they rule over.
In other words, have a despot in power who says it's Okay to be cruel to others because of an insignificant difference between people? Then you'll start seeing people be shamelessly cruel to others with no comeuppance.
Have someone in Power who makes it illegal to discriminate and has a power structure willing to enforce that? People will start being kinder towards others, even if they hate it.
So it's not something that is inherently put into this world.
If we truly want Justice and Mercy and Decency.... unfortunately, we'll have to fight for it.
"justice" and "mercy" is a true concept. We would never have romanticize it in playwrights throughout human history expressing it. Also how are we made to suffer when we have pleasure to be it's counter part? You can not have suffering without pleasure, otherwise it would be in a neutral state and no reference point would tell you otherwise. if anything the universe is a very neutral place with subjective people setting values to it. The milk is either half empty or half full, it's up to the person if he/she can fix it to the best of their abilities.
also we live in a cycle of moral tug of war so it's no surprise that we might be headed towards a more traditionalist mindset in the west, possibly since the progressive push from corporations and other authority figures in the west are causing social pressure. I'm not being a "Conservative." It's literaly the fact we are in a civil rights era from the 1960s and the pressures from the establishment is causing people wanting to counter act it. It's a simple fact. Ebb and flow, it's how sociological patterns works and the conservatives will soon come dominate and be overthrown like how all humans cycles have gone through, heck it's not even a bipolar concept, you might one day see left vs. right since events like the Romans over taking the Greeks was a thing. It's a general cycle.
also on Abortion:
What about hesitation or self-reflection on how pro lifers might feel about abortion?
You talk about abortion being a woman's right but what about the Pro lifer's side? you are talking about taking away an unit of life away that is related to human beings even if you agree or disagree with it, it's a substantial enough concept to have a moral debate about it. what constitutes a human life then? if a pregnat woman gets kill it's count as a double murder so why is it surprising that a person would use that argument against abortion when that type of law in certain areas constitutes a baby as a separate life from the mother? I'm not even arguing for or against abortion, I'm just saying, there's reasons why people have their moral views.
You hear partial birth abortion being a thing yet the majority of the population hate the concept of that but many political groups and politicians want to push it. Thus abortion should be debated more and not just a closed book on the federal level due to the complexities of the subject.
By my feeling it sounds like people are saying one group act in a certain way. Kinda like an act of throwing over a blanket just to assume all of them are a single architype with sets of stereotypes.
like all republicans are all hillbillies who hate gays even so I've seen a decent amount of gays on this site who are social progressives but economically and constitutionalist republicans.
Or all liberals are commies that want you to get soy milk IVs, even so I've seen liberals not supporting the current U.S. administration and some who are more conservative with morals and are Christians.
Thus, This is why I think that we live in decadence, where in a society many are so unhappy. People both left and right rather point fingers and be part of tribalistic groups yet never answer any questions on why the world is so sucky. Maybe society sucks because the people suck in it, society's inability to go pass tribalistic mindsets and destructive instincts to be TRUELY objective.
*"we would have never had playwrights if it wasn't true."
*"might not see right vs left"
Sorry 12am here and tired.
Political subject: Everyone has a different view of what Justice and Mercy are defined as. The old saying of “Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” (Charles Addams) fits well. Not to say the fly in this metaphor is at threat of being devoured, but the inherent difference in perspective casts a ruinous light on any subject.
TBH I thought we had already won. The decades of homosexuality in media, and the attention in the news it garnered like with Xena or Buffy, planted the seeds for marriage equality that we finally got to have. Although there is still an opportunity to make the Rep party pay for SCOTUS' ruling, it doesn't seem that they actually planned this move at all well.