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So tired... (Rant)
3 years ago
I've just had it... I'm just over ALWAYS being the one getting fucked over by life, I see friends get to go to conventions, buy games, PCs, avatars, commissions and etc. and while I am happy for them...
I am here, what things do I get? I get never walking again cause of this fucking MS, I get never going to conventions or movies or shit anymore, I get never having enough to buy stuff I want cause our cheap ass government can't take care of their disabled, $500 a month is pennies these days... When here, house note is $500 alone, electric? $300, gas prices going up so I have to give most of my money to help family so I'm lucky as hell if I can get ANY spending money a month.
If I go out, I risk DYING cause with my weaken immune system from my MS treatment, if I catch Covid of ANY kind, I'm 85% DEAD according to my doctors so I can't ever go outside anywhere.
I need a new PC as mine as y'all know is dead as fuck, it DOES turn on but only for 20-30mins then hard crashes again... Everything is just weighing on me too much, this shit been going on since I was a kid and it's just TOO FUCKING MUCH now...
It's making me REALLY not wanting to enjoy life, VERY much testing my faith in ANY higher power with ALL this BS happening to me but also the whole world at this current state.
I'm just tired, I can't keep enduring this BS of life fucking me over again and again... I try to put on a smile and let others know I'm fine but I am NOT fine, It's waring on me.
Sorry for the rant, just had too much frustration right now... And yes, I know many people are going through a lot and I want the best for everyone but I don't want to turn snitty and jerkish to others cause of MY own downfall currently. I just needed to rant out my feelings I've had for ages now.
I am here, what things do I get? I get never walking again cause of this fucking MS, I get never going to conventions or movies or shit anymore, I get never having enough to buy stuff I want cause our cheap ass government can't take care of their disabled, $500 a month is pennies these days... When here, house note is $500 alone, electric? $300, gas prices going up so I have to give most of my money to help family so I'm lucky as hell if I can get ANY spending money a month.
If I go out, I risk DYING cause with my weaken immune system from my MS treatment, if I catch Covid of ANY kind, I'm 85% DEAD according to my doctors so I can't ever go outside anywhere.
I need a new PC as mine as y'all know is dead as fuck, it DOES turn on but only for 20-30mins then hard crashes again... Everything is just weighing on me too much, this shit been going on since I was a kid and it's just TOO FUCKING MUCH now...
It's making me REALLY not wanting to enjoy life, VERY much testing my faith in ANY higher power with ALL this BS happening to me but also the whole world at this current state.
I'm just tired, I can't keep enduring this BS of life fucking me over again and again... I try to put on a smile and let others know I'm fine but I am NOT fine, It's waring on me.
Sorry for the rant, just had too much frustration right now... And yes, I know many people are going through a lot and I want the best for everyone but I don't want to turn snitty and jerkish to others cause of MY own downfall currently. I just needed to rant out my feelings I've had for ages now.
The only thing we can do is be there for one another, and help each other get through hard times.
I do wish you the very best. I only wish for myself the power to ease people's personal suffering, to which even Gods would never grant; the sadistic bastards.
If you ever need to talk to me or even if it's just to rant to me then go right ahead I will be your shoulder to cry on and always be an ear to listen to
It makes me so sad that you’ve been going through so much, it makes me feel so weak that I can’t do anything to help or make you feel better. I wish I could be there to hug you, to make things better and make you happy, I want to be a great friend, to give my love for you. I truly am so sorry, I really am, I love you Kiya, you mean so much to me, I don’t want to lose you *Hugs softly more, nuzzling and kissing again* 🧸❤️💝
I really wish I could help you with your situation, but I don’t have much to offer other than moral support. It’s okay to rant about how you feel—better to let it out now than let it get worse over time.
And I wish I could help you with the higher power thing but um I'm atheist so dunno if you'd want any advice on that.
Terribly sorry you have to deal with all of that.
Hope I can donate soon to help you.
We'll get through this man. I know we will. Stay strong.