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A change in Content (Heavy)
3 years ago
Hey there @everyone, I am here today to let you know of everything planned for the upcoming future. Now this post is going to be longer, so please bear with me. If you have any questions I will be happy to answer.
-What to Expect-
Due to my increased responsibilities with my father and the estate, I will be concentrating more on Brushpacks, Content Creation Assets, Emotes and some shorter term Commissionwork. Building more "Evergreen" content to lighten to workload in Active Clientwork.
I will take shorter commissions, but on a first come, first serve basis. I cannot confidently hold a queue at this current time. Currently my limit is about 3 hours per art "session", larger pieces that require more time are something I cannot confidently offer.
If a project is large in scope, but the assets are quick, such as a pack of Discord Stickers. I will be able to do those projects so long as you, the commissioner, are okay with a potentially unstable time frame. If there will be delays I will always notify you.
-Content Changes-
I am looking to merge both the content creation and furry business together. I cannot feasibly hold up both at once from my previous system structure and above mentioned responsibilities.
This means the content I post will likely vary moreso than before. As you may have noticed I also have been using PostyBirb and other post-schedulers to upload work in my stead while I am away from the computer. My responses may be slower, but I will ALWAYS answer messages and talk to everyone. You guys are important to me, This is still an open door for everyone should you wish to chat or otherwise.
Now I mentioned a change in content.
I will be no longer doing Adult Works (NSFW).
I will go as far as risque. Pinups, light nudity in exceptional circumstances. "Artistic nude" is okay. Safe bet, if it shows up in the works of Frank Frazetta, I will like be okay with it.
This is due to personal reasons. Recently I've begun to face significant trauma of sexual, verbal and mental nature that I've spent a very, very long time forgetting about. I will post a document below this message if you wish to read more. If you have any questions regarding anything, I am an open book.
_______________________________________
-Why?-
Now, I don't discuss this much as I don't like how it changes people's perspective of me, but it's gotten to the point where I cannot ignore it. This is long winded, and heavy, but explains why I made such a drastic change
My father and I do not get along at all. He has always made sure we were fed, clothed, and housed, however he's got a narcissistic personality and likely some OCD in the mix there. We're either in the way, we do a project he asks us to do wrong, or even if we do it right, it's not good enough. Growing up he was a recovering alcoholic and a Cokehead with my mother, with schizophrenia and a pentient for emotional manipulation.
As a result I tend to be a bit of a doormat in the face of confrontation or even casual conversation. I have a tendency to attempt to overachieve and I frequently panic if I don't hit that mark. I have spent my entire life trying to solve people's problems before they even begin and it's gotten me into trouble before.
It's gotten to the point where if people raise their voices, even just getting loud spooks me. To the point where I will get mad or loud and scare myself on occasion.
This set a foundation as if we were too sensitive, we'd get told to stop being a little bitch. If we were too assertive, we'd get told to stop fucking arguing, sometimes followed by threats of physical violence. If we didn't put something back the right way we were useless, and if we did anything in error or dropped something we were a total fucking dumbass.
The constant verbal and mental abuse put on, combined with my mom always guilt tripping me into helping her do things, meant I tended to bend over backwards to make everyone happy. The last thing I wanted is more verbal abuse, or mom threatening to kill herself if I didn't help her again. Not to mention the struggle with schizophrenia she had meant her mind would "turn off" and there were times where she throttled me or got just as abusive because she just saw my dad in me. It turned off my own personal comfort zone and put in me a lot of dangerous situations. Stalkers, people putting hands on me and I wouldn't fight back, Multiple predatory grooming relationships in which I deluded myself into believing I cared or loved them. It's an absolute mess.
Now that I take care of dad too, and his mental faculties are shaky at best, I very very often get screamed at because he doesn't understand something, or he thinks I'm wrong when in the end I was correct all along. We've talked more about it, and he's more aware. We're both trying to find common ground but it's hard.
But, like I said earlier, he never left us wanting, so I plan on doing the same. Underneath all that he still cares. So I owe him a comfortable sendoff. Right now we don't know if it's six months or two years. He's got lung cancer that has spread everywhere, including the brain. He has not been able to lay down long enough for the radiation procedures so those brain lesions are going unchecked for now. We have no clue on timeframe. Poor guy.
To add to the matter, recently Origami Dog stumbled shared a link from Blitzdrachin with me regarding grooming and sexual abuse.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43058935/
It was like looking into a mirror.
Over the past month or two I've been waking up with nightmares, or having a song, or some other outside stimulus cause me to freeze. I will panic and lock down for a while until I can get a hold of myself. I keep getting moments where something will make me remember experiences that I. Well. I guess I forgot to remember. Suppressed maybe? I'm no psychiatrist.
All of them instances of sexual assault, verbal and mental abuse, and multiple relationships involving heavy grooming. After growing up with parents that I had to throw my own needs away to please, I wound up getting into a lot of really bad relationships when I grew old enough, and for a while, barely old enough to date for. A particularly bad one involved an in person relationship that turned into a long distance relationship. I remember being "required" to answer his daily phone call, and speak for hours while he poured on heavy sexual advances, roleplay and otherwise. At the time I was too weak to fight it.
Other ones include intense emotional manipulation, being required to never speak up, to never fight, to always wear something incredibly sexy, to go on video calls and do private strip sessions. I was never allowed to voice my discomfort. It got to the point where when people would put hands on me in public I wouldn't fight back. I remember a time this old man sat on the seat beside me on a bus, pressed me up against the wall with his hip and kept running his had up my thing while I read a book. I just. Couldn't say anything. I got myself into really dangerous situations down side streets surrounded by guys who had hands on me, and wouldn't let go until one of their friends with a brain told them to let off.
There's more, there's always more. I keep having things come up that I've apparently spent so long to forget, that it's immensely, immensely difficult to face anything sexual if it has to do with me. I am fine if I see adult work around, I am okay if it's not related to me, but the second I become involved in any way it becomes incredibly, incredibly hard to function.
Drawing adult work, or even just reading graphic descriptions is super, super hard for me. Graphic words and dirty talk just cause that full freeze, and the panic starts to kick in.
I'm not sure how deep this goes. Things are STILL unbruying themselves and leaving me to struggle with something I haven't thought about in a long, long time. It's like I've been walking along as normal, and suddenly I realized I'm in a minefield. I now need to learn how to navigate this on the fly.
If you have any questions whatsoever, personal, business or otherwise, please let me know. I'm an open book. I want to be as candid as possible, thank you for your patience and understanding. Keep staying awesome.
Also, a Twitlonger post, but basically recaps everything here.
https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1.....?new_post=true
-What to Expect-
Due to my increased responsibilities with my father and the estate, I will be concentrating more on Brushpacks, Content Creation Assets, Emotes and some shorter term Commissionwork. Building more "Evergreen" content to lighten to workload in Active Clientwork.
I will take shorter commissions, but on a first come, first serve basis. I cannot confidently hold a queue at this current time. Currently my limit is about 3 hours per art "session", larger pieces that require more time are something I cannot confidently offer.
If a project is large in scope, but the assets are quick, such as a pack of Discord Stickers. I will be able to do those projects so long as you, the commissioner, are okay with a potentially unstable time frame. If there will be delays I will always notify you.
-Content Changes-
I am looking to merge both the content creation and furry business together. I cannot feasibly hold up both at once from my previous system structure and above mentioned responsibilities.
This means the content I post will likely vary moreso than before. As you may have noticed I also have been using PostyBirb and other post-schedulers to upload work in my stead while I am away from the computer. My responses may be slower, but I will ALWAYS answer messages and talk to everyone. You guys are important to me, This is still an open door for everyone should you wish to chat or otherwise.
Now I mentioned a change in content.
I will be no longer doing Adult Works (NSFW).
I will go as far as risque. Pinups, light nudity in exceptional circumstances. "Artistic nude" is okay. Safe bet, if it shows up in the works of Frank Frazetta, I will like be okay with it.
This is due to personal reasons. Recently I've begun to face significant trauma of sexual, verbal and mental nature that I've spent a very, very long time forgetting about. I will post a document below this message if you wish to read more. If you have any questions regarding anything, I am an open book.
_______________________________________
-Why?-
Now, I don't discuss this much as I don't like how it changes people's perspective of me, but it's gotten to the point where I cannot ignore it. This is long winded, and heavy, but explains why I made such a drastic change
My father and I do not get along at all. He has always made sure we were fed, clothed, and housed, however he's got a narcissistic personality and likely some OCD in the mix there. We're either in the way, we do a project he asks us to do wrong, or even if we do it right, it's not good enough. Growing up he was a recovering alcoholic and a Cokehead with my mother, with schizophrenia and a pentient for emotional manipulation.
As a result I tend to be a bit of a doormat in the face of confrontation or even casual conversation. I have a tendency to attempt to overachieve and I frequently panic if I don't hit that mark. I have spent my entire life trying to solve people's problems before they even begin and it's gotten me into trouble before.
It's gotten to the point where if people raise their voices, even just getting loud spooks me. To the point where I will get mad or loud and scare myself on occasion.
This set a foundation as if we were too sensitive, we'd get told to stop being a little bitch. If we were too assertive, we'd get told to stop fucking arguing, sometimes followed by threats of physical violence. If we didn't put something back the right way we were useless, and if we did anything in error or dropped something we were a total fucking dumbass.
The constant verbal and mental abuse put on, combined with my mom always guilt tripping me into helping her do things, meant I tended to bend over backwards to make everyone happy. The last thing I wanted is more verbal abuse, or mom threatening to kill herself if I didn't help her again. Not to mention the struggle with schizophrenia she had meant her mind would "turn off" and there were times where she throttled me or got just as abusive because she just saw my dad in me. It turned off my own personal comfort zone and put in me a lot of dangerous situations. Stalkers, people putting hands on me and I wouldn't fight back, Multiple predatory grooming relationships in which I deluded myself into believing I cared or loved them. It's an absolute mess.
Now that I take care of dad too, and his mental faculties are shaky at best, I very very often get screamed at because he doesn't understand something, or he thinks I'm wrong when in the end I was correct all along. We've talked more about it, and he's more aware. We're both trying to find common ground but it's hard.
But, like I said earlier, he never left us wanting, so I plan on doing the same. Underneath all that he still cares. So I owe him a comfortable sendoff. Right now we don't know if it's six months or two years. He's got lung cancer that has spread everywhere, including the brain. He has not been able to lay down long enough for the radiation procedures so those brain lesions are going unchecked for now. We have no clue on timeframe. Poor guy.
To add to the matter, recently Origami Dog stumbled shared a link from Blitzdrachin with me regarding grooming and sexual abuse.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43058935/
It was like looking into a mirror.
Over the past month or two I've been waking up with nightmares, or having a song, or some other outside stimulus cause me to freeze. I will panic and lock down for a while until I can get a hold of myself. I keep getting moments where something will make me remember experiences that I. Well. I guess I forgot to remember. Suppressed maybe? I'm no psychiatrist.
All of them instances of sexual assault, verbal and mental abuse, and multiple relationships involving heavy grooming. After growing up with parents that I had to throw my own needs away to please, I wound up getting into a lot of really bad relationships when I grew old enough, and for a while, barely old enough to date for. A particularly bad one involved an in person relationship that turned into a long distance relationship. I remember being "required" to answer his daily phone call, and speak for hours while he poured on heavy sexual advances, roleplay and otherwise. At the time I was too weak to fight it.
Other ones include intense emotional manipulation, being required to never speak up, to never fight, to always wear something incredibly sexy, to go on video calls and do private strip sessions. I was never allowed to voice my discomfort. It got to the point where when people would put hands on me in public I wouldn't fight back. I remember a time this old man sat on the seat beside me on a bus, pressed me up against the wall with his hip and kept running his had up my thing while I read a book. I just. Couldn't say anything. I got myself into really dangerous situations down side streets surrounded by guys who had hands on me, and wouldn't let go until one of their friends with a brain told them to let off.
There's more, there's always more. I keep having things come up that I've apparently spent so long to forget, that it's immensely, immensely difficult to face anything sexual if it has to do with me. I am fine if I see adult work around, I am okay if it's not related to me, but the second I become involved in any way it becomes incredibly, incredibly hard to function.
Drawing adult work, or even just reading graphic descriptions is super, super hard for me. Graphic words and dirty talk just cause that full freeze, and the panic starts to kick in.
I'm not sure how deep this goes. Things are STILL unbruying themselves and leaving me to struggle with something I haven't thought about in a long, long time. It's like I've been walking along as normal, and suddenly I realized I'm in a minefield. I now need to learn how to navigate this on the fly.
If you have any questions whatsoever, personal, business or otherwise, please let me know. I'm an open book. I want to be as candid as possible, thank you for your patience and understanding. Keep staying awesome.
Also, a Twitlonger post, but basically recaps everything here.
https://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1.....?new_post=true
It seems you a long road ahead of you. I hope you can get of find any kind support and/or therapy to get through all of this bullshit, it sounds like you could seriously use it.
I guess I'll be there, cheering you from the benches, not much else an internet stranger can do (cheerleading is harder than it looks I swear!).
The NSFW parts is too bad, since you had some talent for it, but it is what it is. Wack and Bap anyone that insist otherwise! One day hopefully you might be able to overcome it but in the meantime I'll still hang out in that comment sections of yours, ready to witt and snark over familly-friendly content.
Yep, but every journey starts with a single step, or however the saying goes. I'm in a place where thankfully I've had past experience with therapy and psychiatric help, so I'm not going in completely unarmed. A boon, as I've had very little time to sort everything out when taking care of my father currently. At least until the proverbial flood gates broke.
I believe it! You're going grand work :D It's always a treat to see you around! Keep on being awesome <3
Yeah, I thought I could handle it. I would start work, ready to go. I would read the description, and I would just consistently lock on specific words, descriptions or themes. When there were changes, I would get immensely frustrated, and even worse so I'd start showing contempt or flightiness, depending. Until my SO pointed out Blitzdrachin's post and that just blew things wide open.
The mind works in weird ways. All this locked up stuff just blew out like Pandora's box.
But anyhow, It's not all going to be gone for sure. I know I can go as far as Frank Frazetta, Boris Vallejo, and Mike Hoffman. Lot of high fantasy figures, idealized bodies, risque pinups, nudity that isn't a primary focus. I'm sure it'll still be around in some format. I just have to find my new line, as it's nowhere where I thought it was.
We'll get there though, as I mentioned, one step at a time! :) If there is anything I can do for YOU too, let me know, as you've always been a bit of a legend!
Also, good to hear your dad is willing to at least try, though I hope he'll shout less over time.
We can do this! I will be back to doing more stuff here too <3 I know I've been quiet lately and owe it to people to post more works :D
Thank you, you absolute legend. Stay absolutely wonderful okay?
Sounds good! Hopefully art is good for maintaining your sanity, too.
Heh, you're welcome, thanks, and you too!
It has been honestly. Though works have taken quite a bit of a darker turn it's been good to re-evaluate and sort of re-situate things on the fly. It means content might change quite a bit, but I'll still be posting many different stuffs! Just needed time to figure everything out. I've still just barely scratched the surface I think.
You got it <3
Good to hear you'll still be doing a variety!
And soft-core, gentler NSFW arts are always lovely too!
Whatever works for you and keeps you going, your fans can still enjoy it.