I hate to start out these journals on a downer but unfortunately this has been on my mind recently. I have been getting used to being single after being with someone for nearly two years. She may feel differently about how long but who honestly cares about numbers? It actually has been quite awhile since she broke up with me but recent events brought her back into my mind. Halloween has come and past and well that holiday has always been a favorite of mine. It was expecially fun last year being in a long term relationship that I thought was actually going to last...looking back at the relationship sucks because one always has 20/20 when you look back at things. I see things a whole lot clearer and there were holes and things that needed mending but the majority of the relationship I still feel good about looking back on it. I thought by now I would be over it but I realise that I'm not...at least not fully. What hurts the most I feel is that I was falling in love with her and she unfortunately was not with me. What also sucks looking back on the relationship is you start seeing faults on both sides. I see where I was lacking and I see parts where she was lacking. I don't like holding grudges on anyone so I don't like the fact that I do feel a little animosity towards this woman who I was falling for. She did however do something that was quite wrong I feel though, which she admitted to me. She treated her relationship with me as if i was a stepping stone. As if her relationship with me was just something she was going to have in order to move on to the next step with someone else. I mean who does that? Who thinks like that? A highschool relationship I can somewhat grasp why someone might think like that, but an adult I feel shouldn't get into a serious relationship thinking this is just someone I'm using to get to the next step. Don't get me wrong had I known that the relationship wasn't that serious I would have kept my own feelings in check. I understand being and feeling lonely. I can even understand hookups that are only temporary. However she wasn't honest with me or herself and that is what hurts the most. Despite how it may seem after reading this; I am actually in a pretty good mood. I guess I'm just writing this stuff all out to help me sort it out, to help me get it over with. ^_^