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Fucking Need to Vent
3 years ago
General
Fuck fucking fuck. Just...
Holy fuck the end of this month is turning into a fucking shitfest oh my fucking god. What can I even say about the last few days that is just literally making me fucking break down? I don't think the last three days haven't had tears in some way.
Sunday:
Brother's birthday party (his birthday was Tuesday/Today, but everyone was working). We went boating. My dad and I were the only registered drivers for the boat: Mom, Sister, and Brother's Wife were not comfortable doing so, while my brother wanted to drink. I didn't want to drive either because boat, but well, I still was backup. And honestly, I no longer trust my dad driving. We went boating in late June and my dad would constantly drift towards docks. Here, literally five minutes in, he ran into a buoy (one of the floating ones that warned of nearby hazards, not a pole or metal one). Didn't hit the blade, so we wrote it off. But he wouldn't relinquish control of the boat. I tried to... not think about it. For the most part, and I agree that it was an issue on all our parts, we were backseat boating, but he did have issues with trying to anchor on a public beach, but we did also constantly tell him about oncoming boats/jet skis that were not an immediate threat.
At one point, after leaving an area we anchored at, we have a raft that my brother and I get on for some fun. Towed by the boat. It is only after the boat starts going that it dawns on me, and I make this aware to my brother.
Me: You know, I just realized. You and I are the only ones probably able and cognizant to drive the boat. And we're on this...
Bro: Oh... oh shit.
Well, first run before we got flung off (which is supposed to happen and is fun), no issue. The second time, as we are holding on, everyone is looking at us and mom is even taking pictures. We're trying to pose but we see a pole buoy approaching. They do not. We started waving and screaming "buoy", but it isn't until my sister turns around and points that we turn. We just narrowly miss the fucking thing, both boat and us on the raft. And (looking back) I understand why my dad crossed left at it, but we freaked out because it would have been easier to go right.
At this point, dad and I get into an argument about this, but he refuses to relinquish control.
As we get ready to head back to the dock, I decide to finish off a sandwich. As we're talking and he drives the boat, we hit some choppy water (wake of a larger ship). Well, as I sit up front, I'm getting more and more soaked. As I think of moving back, we hit a big wave. ONE THAT MAKES THE FRONT HALF OF THE BOAT SUBMERGED. We react how you expect: First thinking its going to go away, freaking out when the ship starts to tilt, etc. We scramble to the back to try to weigh that shit down. All while my dad was still driving the boat. He was trying to drive the boat towards an island nearby. Other boats see us and try to tell my dad what to do: Put the motor in reverse (something we were saying and thought he was already doing). After less than 15 seconds of that, we get the boat righted. Everyone agreed, let's go home. That would be a horrifying experience on its own. But it happened another time. We were able to recover quicker, and maybe it wasn't my dad's fault, but everyone was just absolutely done. Especially because this whole second sink attempt was in a no wake zone with natural waves. The worst part is that when we docked the boat, my dad tried to undersell what happened (called it swamped, not sinking), but the dude literally said "Oh, that happens a lot. It's not an issue." DUDE! WE HAVE FUCKING PONTOON BOATED FOR YEARS! NEVER ONCE HAS THAT HAPPENED! CHECK THE FUCKING BOAT!
Now my dad is upset with me (the whole family, but me especially) for backseat boating and telling him what to do. I told him that he's fucking over 80 and he's not as sharp as he used to be. He's making mistakes. He's going deaf. He reacts slower. You absolutely should NOT be driving boats anymore. (Heck, I honestly think he shouldn't be driving). I'd feel bad for him about this, and I really do, but he does NOTHING to help. No hearing aid, no pills, nothing. "Doesn't need them."
The sinking boat thing has also started some nightmares. Shit like drowning and waking up choking on my own spit. Fucking... breaking because of that.
Tuesday:
For the most part, work is okay, but I'm stressed as I have moved to a new position, and learned things, but now am doing something completely different in the new position. I am picking it up quickly, but man, I am feeling a little off from my co-workers. Under the old stuff, nothing but compliments. But now, they're a little more... abrasive. Like, "don't do that, not your job." whereas before it was "Well, if you do a little extra, things you learned, it will really help."
But this evening, shit went pearshaped quickly.
Got a call from my mom. She was in an accident. She's alright, first and foremost. She was in the hospital, but mostly for cuts and bruises and a health check. Her car, on the other hand, is completely gone. Nothing but scrap. The person she hit was thankfully unhurt. It was unfortunately a good samaritan who was helping someone else, but apparently parked his car in the road and not on a shoulder. Not sure of the complete story, but mom promises to tell me everything in person. She's freaking out though. Not just because this is her first major accident ever, but apparently, she's now doubting her age. She's seeing my dad go, and now she's wondering if this was a fault because of that. That.... was not something I wanted to hear.
AND, as a double whammy. I made a huge ass mistake on Twitter. Talking to a friend about "what made you become a furry." Was my granddad working on Fritz the Cat. A second person was curious because they're apparently really into it. I thought I recognized the person, so I felt comfortable talking with them about it. When they asked about my granddad's involvement, I figured, since I know this person, I'd share who he was. He freaked out and gushed. Cute yes, but then he tags professional animators and says "THIS DUDE'S GRANDDAD IS FAMOUS ANIMATOR! HE CAN CONTRIBUTE TO ANIMATION HISTORY SITE! ASK HIM QUESTIONS!"
A furry account, tagged by professional animators, grandkid of a professional and respected animator. Furry account, with fetish material in likes. Where I be gay and do crimes.
Holy fuck I was not ready.
I've locked my account for now and I am just panicking that I didn't realize I didn't know this person. I've told him that I'm very uncomfortable with that, but he's really into animation and wants to work on the history site, and is hoping I can donate my granddad's animations (stuff I don't have) or knowledge of him for their site.
Dude, I am just saying, I have never cared about my online identity. I like being dwarf_ninjas, I like experimenting, and love being a kink machine. Heck, I like humiliating my friends in a playful manner. Now I feel humiliated, not so much for myself, but for grandpa. Like... why the FUCK DID I DO THAT!
Christ, I'm shaking as fuck right now.
Figure I'd say this if the person I am talking about comes across this. I'm not mad at you for sharing that information. You're an animation student and passionate about what you love, more power to you. I just feel so fucking exposed by this and with my mom's car accident, I was totally NOT able to process.
Fucking... what God did I piss in the cornflakes of to get this punishment...
Holy fuck the end of this month is turning into a fucking shitfest oh my fucking god. What can I even say about the last few days that is just literally making me fucking break down? I don't think the last three days haven't had tears in some way.
Sunday:
Brother's birthday party (his birthday was Tuesday/Today, but everyone was working). We went boating. My dad and I were the only registered drivers for the boat: Mom, Sister, and Brother's Wife were not comfortable doing so, while my brother wanted to drink. I didn't want to drive either because boat, but well, I still was backup. And honestly, I no longer trust my dad driving. We went boating in late June and my dad would constantly drift towards docks. Here, literally five minutes in, he ran into a buoy (one of the floating ones that warned of nearby hazards, not a pole or metal one). Didn't hit the blade, so we wrote it off. But he wouldn't relinquish control of the boat. I tried to... not think about it. For the most part, and I agree that it was an issue on all our parts, we were backseat boating, but he did have issues with trying to anchor on a public beach, but we did also constantly tell him about oncoming boats/jet skis that were not an immediate threat.
At one point, after leaving an area we anchored at, we have a raft that my brother and I get on for some fun. Towed by the boat. It is only after the boat starts going that it dawns on me, and I make this aware to my brother.
Me: You know, I just realized. You and I are the only ones probably able and cognizant to drive the boat. And we're on this...
Bro: Oh... oh shit.
Well, first run before we got flung off (which is supposed to happen and is fun), no issue. The second time, as we are holding on, everyone is looking at us and mom is even taking pictures. We're trying to pose but we see a pole buoy approaching. They do not. We started waving and screaming "buoy", but it isn't until my sister turns around and points that we turn. We just narrowly miss the fucking thing, both boat and us on the raft. And (looking back) I understand why my dad crossed left at it, but we freaked out because it would have been easier to go right.
At this point, dad and I get into an argument about this, but he refuses to relinquish control.
As we get ready to head back to the dock, I decide to finish off a sandwich. As we're talking and he drives the boat, we hit some choppy water (wake of a larger ship). Well, as I sit up front, I'm getting more and more soaked. As I think of moving back, we hit a big wave. ONE THAT MAKES THE FRONT HALF OF THE BOAT SUBMERGED. We react how you expect: First thinking its going to go away, freaking out when the ship starts to tilt, etc. We scramble to the back to try to weigh that shit down. All while my dad was still driving the boat. He was trying to drive the boat towards an island nearby. Other boats see us and try to tell my dad what to do: Put the motor in reverse (something we were saying and thought he was already doing). After less than 15 seconds of that, we get the boat righted. Everyone agreed, let's go home. That would be a horrifying experience on its own. But it happened another time. We were able to recover quicker, and maybe it wasn't my dad's fault, but everyone was just absolutely done. Especially because this whole second sink attempt was in a no wake zone with natural waves. The worst part is that when we docked the boat, my dad tried to undersell what happened (called it swamped, not sinking), but the dude literally said "Oh, that happens a lot. It's not an issue." DUDE! WE HAVE FUCKING PONTOON BOATED FOR YEARS! NEVER ONCE HAS THAT HAPPENED! CHECK THE FUCKING BOAT!
Now my dad is upset with me (the whole family, but me especially) for backseat boating and telling him what to do. I told him that he's fucking over 80 and he's not as sharp as he used to be. He's making mistakes. He's going deaf. He reacts slower. You absolutely should NOT be driving boats anymore. (Heck, I honestly think he shouldn't be driving). I'd feel bad for him about this, and I really do, but he does NOTHING to help. No hearing aid, no pills, nothing. "Doesn't need them."
The sinking boat thing has also started some nightmares. Shit like drowning and waking up choking on my own spit. Fucking... breaking because of that.
Tuesday:
For the most part, work is okay, but I'm stressed as I have moved to a new position, and learned things, but now am doing something completely different in the new position. I am picking it up quickly, but man, I am feeling a little off from my co-workers. Under the old stuff, nothing but compliments. But now, they're a little more... abrasive. Like, "don't do that, not your job." whereas before it was "Well, if you do a little extra, things you learned, it will really help."
But this evening, shit went pearshaped quickly.
Got a call from my mom. She was in an accident. She's alright, first and foremost. She was in the hospital, but mostly for cuts and bruises and a health check. Her car, on the other hand, is completely gone. Nothing but scrap. The person she hit was thankfully unhurt. It was unfortunately a good samaritan who was helping someone else, but apparently parked his car in the road and not on a shoulder. Not sure of the complete story, but mom promises to tell me everything in person. She's freaking out though. Not just because this is her first major accident ever, but apparently, she's now doubting her age. She's seeing my dad go, and now she's wondering if this was a fault because of that. That.... was not something I wanted to hear.
AND, as a double whammy. I made a huge ass mistake on Twitter. Talking to a friend about "what made you become a furry." Was my granddad working on Fritz the Cat. A second person was curious because they're apparently really into it. I thought I recognized the person, so I felt comfortable talking with them about it. When they asked about my granddad's involvement, I figured, since I know this person, I'd share who he was. He freaked out and gushed. Cute yes, but then he tags professional animators and says "THIS DUDE'S GRANDDAD IS FAMOUS ANIMATOR! HE CAN CONTRIBUTE TO ANIMATION HISTORY SITE! ASK HIM QUESTIONS!"
A furry account, tagged by professional animators, grandkid of a professional and respected animator. Furry account, with fetish material in likes. Where I be gay and do crimes.
Holy fuck I was not ready.
I've locked my account for now and I am just panicking that I didn't realize I didn't know this person. I've told him that I'm very uncomfortable with that, but he's really into animation and wants to work on the history site, and is hoping I can donate my granddad's animations (stuff I don't have) or knowledge of him for their site.
Dude, I am just saying, I have never cared about my online identity. I like being dwarf_ninjas, I like experimenting, and love being a kink machine. Heck, I like humiliating my friends in a playful manner. Now I feel humiliated, not so much for myself, but for grandpa. Like... why the FUCK DID I DO THAT!
Christ, I'm shaking as fuck right now.
Figure I'd say this if the person I am talking about comes across this. I'm not mad at you for sharing that information. You're an animation student and passionate about what you love, more power to you. I just feel so fucking exposed by this and with my mom's car accident, I was totally NOT able to process.
Fucking... what God did I piss in the cornflakes of to get this punishment...
I do thank you for the well wishes.
*squeezehugs* You still a good bean though, bwuh. I'm sorry you've had so much to deal with at once.