Fuck those people putting you down, man. Hang in there and keep on going outta spite!

Yea, my family thought I was just being lazy when I was so bad at school and afraid of going out and getting a job. Took too many years to diagnose me with agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, and aspergers and my brain processes things at the bottom 4% of all other humans tested- so the reason I did shit at school is because I was in a constant state of terrified and my brain works in slow motion.

I never bothered to think about what I would be 'when I grow up' because my original plan was to cross a highway slowly with my eyes closed at night the day I graduated. But I never had the balls apparently and it worked out once I was diagnosed because then the government started to pay for me to continue to exist since there is no way in hell I could hold a real job (tried many, failed horribly)

If people were mad about your rants they could just... not... read them. Just because the post shows up in their feed doesn't force them to click on or read it. The number of favorites your stuff gets shows you, your art is good. There is a billion artists they could have already gone to, but they came to you instead. There will always be someone better no matter how skilled you are, so using that as a metric is pointless.

There is a saying in Russia- 'If you ever find yourself at the absolute rock bottom- knock on the floor'.
Or a favorite of mine, a Japanese saying- 'To continue is power'.

That's the thing is that my family is so used to people like my dad and grandpa using their bipolar episodes as an excuse to do nothing, but that somehow groups me in with the bunch despite how I've got 3 jobs, I take care of a whole family, cook and clean etc and literally work myself to the point of collapsing--I hate that generalization of mental health stigma.

But oh yeah no I've had someone tell me before to "shut up or just go kill yourself already" and that stuck with me from venting but that's aight, he sure showed me.

Sorry about all that though, that's a rough deal when your family won't cut you any slack.

I feel like you dare people to dislike you, sugar. Like it would actually be relieving to receive confirmations on your suspicions, or maybe offer some justifications on having them.

Nobody's gonna come down on you for struggling.

I've had some people come down on me for struggling--whether it be a friend, somebody online, or family. Hell even my grandma snapped at me one day with the whole "Well if you kill yourself that'll save us a bunch of stress" and I'm like YEAH

Family is usually the main reason these things never get fixed, they usually have outdated ideals on what mental health is or even predate mental health.

So so so so much this^ .

I am a survivor of the big R. And being a S3x sl@ve. [ trying to not trigger anyone ♡] and my family doesn't think that the things I have going on mentally are "real". I have severe ptsd,depression,anxiety, and many other things. I was in therapy for, and currently take meds for. I for YEARS didn't get help or talk to my family about it, because even as a child [when some of this took place.] I knew I couldn't tell them. I knew they would do exactly as they do now,that I've come out about it. I'm victim shamed. And told I desvered what happened. It's thrown at me any chance they get.

Soooo 20000% family and mental health USUALLY don't mix! ( if your family isn't toxic like this like you have a gem!)

I'm really fucking sorry to hear that--I absolutely cannot stand people who criticize and "victim shame" others for dealing with trauma. My mom was in a similar boat where she had been molested and her family was all "well maybe you shouldn't dress like a slut" LIKE COOL, THAT'S GOOD COMFORT.

but yeah toxic family mindsets mixed with other mentally ill folks who deny therapy or a reason to seek help and instead take it out on others, death threats, violence etc etc

"just leave" i'm told sooooo many times, oh you have no idea you guys how easy it is to say to save up and leave

It's all good dull! Ty! And ifkr. You aren't wrong. But I've noticed like older generations as well like mental illness like aren't accepted/acknowledged. Very bizarre.

Hell my dad thinks my autism is just "me being a brat" I have suspicions that he himself might have something undiagnosed.
I grew up with teachers thinking I'm crazy, then thinking I was some sort of genius which goes without saying it fucked up a lot of things for me.

Family can be just so unhelpful and even outright detrimental to any form of improvement, whether they realize it or not.

This!! So so so much this!!^^^

I'm actually super sorry though. Sucks how parents could be.

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll listen. I deal / have dealt with a lot of the same stuff

If you ever want to vent to someone, I'm here to listen if you like. I can offer some opinions if you want those too... I don't think anyone who watches you gets upset or annoyed because you are struggling with self doubt and what I assume is a low self esteem, Your work is fantastic and people love it... Comparing it to others work can leave you feeling inadequate despite your own strengths and qualities shining through your art.

Your feelings are important and you are worthy of being heard and listening to, no one is going to push you away for having a bad day and wanting to talk about it... And if someone is so low and shallow they DO... Well they're not a very good friend or person worth your time. When you're feeling down you shouldn't bring yourself down with thouse bad and negative thoughts. You have people here who care about you and want to see you be happy and content with your work because they look up to you, and think "Gosh I wish my art was as good as theirs! it's amazing". So try not to let those thoughts bring you down. *Hug*

Thanks tho, I just wanted to get the same thing I've been regurgitating over and over off my chest again for the 900th time

Fair enough, but don't be afraid to talk about how you feel, it's important to talk about these kind of feelings. A problem shared, Is a problem halved.

It really enrages me to hear how people have to put up with that intolerant shit from their “family”, had people who had to deal with it as friends in school, and I’ve lost someone very close to me because they couldn’t escape. Stay strong, vent as many times and as intense as you want, we are here for you.

Those people who get mad at you for venting shouldn't get your two gold pieces. You need to vent to let it out, and they're just pitiful for trying to put you down. They're worthless nobodies who are just jerks, so don't give them ground..

I'm not going to unfollow for speaking your mind and venting how you feel about all this. And no one should dictate that you still have a long way to go, you are a good person, and you deserve every ounce and shred of love and support you get, because you are amazing!

Nobody should unfollow you for having feelings. I hope these vents can help you actually get a bit off your chest in ways that you otherwise can't.

You’re all good dude

So, it sounds like you've been talking with some outright radioactive "people." I don't know much about your circumstances, but I do know that it sounds like they're the ones with the massive social malfunction, not you. I'm just some random douche on the Internet, but if you need a discreet sounding board that's removed from your circumstances, I can offer that.

it's like, someone with a mental illness (me) living with other people with mental illnesses who deny that these are actual problems to overcome and expect WAY too much out of one another and then i go vent to someone and they're just like "aight just deal with it"

I get how frustrating and invalidating that must be, and I can relate to a lot of it. And I mean, you already are "dealing with it," right? That's kind of the point, and you just want someone to know how it makes you feel, without judging you?

YUP, not so much sympathy but more so empathy to get an understanding of how some shit is VERY UNFAIR

it's like getting framed for something, like you're fine you're in a good mood and someone in your family's like "Why do you look like that? You're mad, you hate us" and it's like what????

So, they're not really getting that you express differently? I'm making some educated guesses.

correct, even if i'm objectively in a good mood

My wife's family had a big change of attitude towards me when I was diagnosed with AS. Up to that point it hadn't occurred to them that I might seem 'weird' for legitimate reasons. Is there some way to help your family make the connection that you're doing your best?

nope, "mental health" is a "bullshit excuse" etc etc in their eyes unfortunately

Yup, that's unfortunate, alright. And also bullshit. I guess the only thing to do is to try and make sure you have a more open-minded 'chosen family', and remember that everything is transient.

It's impossible to please everyone but you shouldn't silence yourself or allow to be suppressed by anyone.
Feel free to vent more around here and with your REAL friends, and if you need something you can message me on Discord.
Don't lose the hope of better days, and stay safe.

it's impossible to appease every single person ever but then the OCD hits and you wanna be good at everything equally and liked by everyone and it's like stop just stop lol

but thank you

I see. I also worry about my reputation, and I get nervous of thinking of what people think about me. I guess the way is not care or think too much about it and focus on people who actually give a damn about you.

You're welcome.

between you and me, I don't care about anyone venting somewhere like here or dA because it's all in journals. when I clicked on this journal I knew what I was getting into. on twitter it just gets thrown in your face regardless of what mood you're in, or whether or not you're ready for it. some days are good days, I have extra spoons and I can listen to a vent, some days I don't.

yeah, sometimes i do nottttt feel like listening to others vent and that's EXACTLY why i feel bad for venting cos i imagine they're 100% the same

gotta make some venting friends, bro. commisserating buddies are top shelf!

When you vent, do you want advice, or is just venting enough? Do you want messages of support, etc? I like giving advice but when people vent to let it out, giving advice is often not wanted

honestly i don't know anymore cos some advice makes sense but it's the execution of it--90% of the advice is "just leave you'll be better off" but they can't take into consideration there are some people in the family i do NOT wanna leave behind with abusive others

THE PROBLEM with that is that they won't leave with me either--whether it be due to pride or just being so used to living here that they don't wanna go, so even though i could easily pack up and leave, i'd leave with so much guilt i may just find a quick way to end it for me cos i wouldn't be able to live the rest of my life like that


TLDR it's just hard trying to live with another victim of an abuser that won't leave said abusers MULTIPLE abusers i mean

A lot of people want to inherently help, but sometimes the person venting just wants to vent and isn't seeking advice, and then it can turn ugly real fast as emotions get raw. Especially when the advice comes in almost condescendingly! On top of that, people on the outside only get snippets of the true issue, and thus only really give limited advice. "Just leave" without knowing all the conditions around the situation beyond what was vented about etc. Like right now, I knew you have had issues, but I didn't know the full extent, and that there were other victims.

Honestly I don't know what kind of advice I would even give at this point because it could get messy and ugly fast. My gut feeling would be to check if there are any advocacy groups / help centers for it and see if you can get an anonymous conversation going to see what your options are. Especially if you can do it while away from the house/people involved. See what kind of options they are, what to do, if they can help, etc. At the end of the day you know your situation best and advocating for another abuse victim might be something you can do if given proper resources. Either way my heart bleeds for you, sorry you have a shitty dynamic going on :(