wanna see me vent about my life? wanna see me do it for several paragraphs? here's 10% of it all
I'm... Really dysfunctional.
I... Don't know how to function.
I struggle with diagnosed and unmedicated bipolar disorder and adhd
i've been through so much in these past few years and my family hasn't been much help.
I hate asking for help but... I kinda really need it.
I don't have a job, I've been unable to get one since I don't know how to drive and don't have a car. Things have been getting really expensive in my area and my family hasn't been stable for many... ever. I need... I need to put myself out here and I guess this is how I'm doing it a little. Hopefully I can do this but more professional in the future but... like putting a price on my art is so hard when I literally have to put a price on my time when I don't- like i'm 22 and i've never had a first job and for medical reasons I can't get hired but i'm also rehabilitated enough that I can't pass as disabled. Like I *might* have seizures and I *might* go into cardiac arrest if I forget to take my meds or just like- keep accidentally over dosing but I mean thats a whole other thing.
I've been doing commissions here and there but i'm really bad about putting myself out there since net working and keeping track of literally anything is- just- so impossible for me at this time...
we've stopped being able to have clean tap water for over a year and hurricane season is coming soon and soon we might not get water at all and will have to resort to just- hopes and prayers.
Food and water right now is rather unreliable.
I've eaten like a college kid who can't feed themselves for as long as I can remember. counting
I can't ask family for money since recently my fathers side lost their house recently? and literally- like they don't have a house anymore due to the water in their house hold being toxic. Florida is a hell state n e v e r m o v e h e r e
i'm hoping to save up and try and not be a waste of space or a burden on my family and friends- I want to contribute. I've been holding myself back from making a post like this for about- 6 years and its- a lot.
Like I feel so bad for not uploading and I want to just be honest and tell people " h e y I don't know how to sell myself but heres my art, heres my prices- I'm kinda falling apart right now and i'm low key like- h o w- do I set myself up to... like do... better.
Like I can't even feed myself and remember to take my life saving pills and waiting for it all to blow away doesn't- work.
Like it never ends, Its like you look into the future and you realize its just gonna be more of the same thing.

I don't know how to do this- n o r m a l... professional stuff.
So i've been- basically just not- doing- anything? like i'm afraid of sounding too fake and ironed out or too real and just ending up telling people "Hi i'm a mess! :>" out of no where by accident. Like pretending to be a neuronormie is s o fucking - like- I can't do it anymore.
I'm not gonna re-read this- or edit it- I'm done. i'm tired. I haven't really eaten a full meal in days and I haven't slept for more than 5 hours without waking up repeatedly for at least a week or so and im just not going through the effort- I'm going through the motions.