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3 years ago
General
i don't post much because i've built it up to the point where everything has to be a internet shockwave inducing post, atleast that's how it feels like sometimes. Been watching this buddy's "shitpost" artstyle and i'm kinda jealous how they can create and post that stuff quickly. it's not about having no shame it's just about having a sorta carefree-ness about it again. Literally have no need or want for magic numbers to go up anymore, (been that for a while) no need for muns ( but want and always can have more - winky face ) so its like why even bother with commissioners anymore or even patreon unless it's out of kindness of them or mega bucks territory.
its hard too because it isn't really too much about not having motivation but more about my health. literally made it but eyes constantly burn and constantly exhausted. Sleep is no good never will be good ever again. very very demoralizing it is, cuz focusing on lines and colors and gradients and subtle hue shifts is very eye intensive. Maybe should just go with a quality "drop" or a shift to a "messier" artsier style...
i still believe that my mind (its not very special nor different from others, its just the hands can produce it) can make stories and situations and environments that would be appealing for a lot of people, also considering my unique background... people would like it a lot. Just feel shitty and scummy that its been so long and still nothing.
yeah yeah i've been practicing trying to stay sharp, but should make a serious push to get back on the horse i guess...
I'm really not narcissist enough to consider myself "this" but the quote is very true. Something i gotta get over probably...
"Celebrity is a mask that eats into the face. As soon as one is aware of being somebody, to be watched and listened to with extra interest, input ceases, and the performer goes blind and deaf in his overanimation." 1998#hsihpepod . its just funny being one that was always pushed into the corner, to want to be noticed and then to finally get that notice. kinda like a fear of success, fear of criticism, fear of all of those things.
It's not that it can't be taken, i went to art school for god's sake, having 30 pair of eyes on me and my work and discussing it with peers... It's just that over-rumination into paralysis thats the killer...
.... MEH. tick-tock
its hard too because it isn't really too much about not having motivation but more about my health. literally made it but eyes constantly burn and constantly exhausted. Sleep is no good never will be good ever again. very very demoralizing it is, cuz focusing on lines and colors and gradients and subtle hue shifts is very eye intensive. Maybe should just go with a quality "drop" or a shift to a "messier" artsier style...
i still believe that my mind (its not very special nor different from others, its just the hands can produce it) can make stories and situations and environments that would be appealing for a lot of people, also considering my unique background... people would like it a lot. Just feel shitty and scummy that its been so long and still nothing.
yeah yeah i've been practicing trying to stay sharp, but should make a serious push to get back on the horse i guess...
I'm really not narcissist enough to consider myself "this" but the quote is very true. Something i gotta get over probably...
"Celebrity is a mask that eats into the face. As soon as one is aware of being somebody, to be watched and listened to with extra interest, input ceases, and the performer goes blind and deaf in his overanimation." 1998#hsihpepod . its just funny being one that was always pushed into the corner, to want to be noticed and then to finally get that notice. kinda like a fear of success, fear of criticism, fear of all of those things.
It's not that it can't be taken, i went to art school for god's sake, having 30 pair of eyes on me and my work and discussing it with peers... It's just that over-rumination into paralysis thats the killer...
.... MEH. tick-tock
