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Gonna have to re-enter the workforce
3 years ago
General
Unemployment's about dried up and god knows they're gonna raise my rent again next year, they've done it every single year (But certainly didn't let that guilt them into fucking the fucking washer and dryer) so far.
Initially, my plan was to never work again and just kinda not being around long enough for that to matter but I botched that and ended up in college (sort of) so that complicates matters a bit. I need to keep time open for class and schoolwork and if I'm being honest, I can't function if I don't have adequate free time to just...do nothing and not be near anybody.
It's times like this when I super envy those super popular artists who can convince you guys to collectively pay them a couple large to draw a picture of boobs. I've considered if I wanted to try the Patreon route but I can't even get my following to leave me feedback on my birthday (I tried this once and lmao they just couldn't be assed but MORE PORN PLEASE WHIMSY :D) so I can't really see that succeeding and even if I did have some patrons, my moods just aren't reliable enough for that. It's one of my life's biggest frustrations, all the real artists can draw dumb shit no matter how they feel, that's how expertly detached they've gotten from their craft, once it stopped being about art and started being about money and I wish a thousand wishes that I could do the same. The temptation is there to say "besides I'm too shitty an artist for anyone to give a damn" and that should be true and it is when it comes to clean art where only the art itself is the would-be appeal but especially if you're known for a particular porn niche, which I guess I still am, the actual ability is kind of a non-factor. People will put up with absolute trash if it gets them off. So like I said, the primary issue is that I can't promise enough content to make it a worthy investment for even my loyalist of pervs. And that makes me angry. Why must I be so impeccably wired to avoid success in literally all areas.
...So that probably means trying to find a rather shitty job I don't want because my last one was the only one I was ever sort of okay with. And that means trying to explain to them "No, they said I was making threats, but it was just an off-handed silly remarked between buddies and - oh you've already rejected me because there's no room for nuance in the working (or real) world, got it." One thing I came away with on my last jobs is that I just don't really belong with or near other people. I don't understand them, I don't know how to relate to them, and I evidently don't know how to communicate with them without just getting myself into a problem. I was content to just stay away forever. Sure I could tell myself "Alright next time, don't say a word, just put your head down and work the 8 hour shift and leave" but again, there's that impeccable wiring again, I can't do that. I've never been able to do that. Hell I can't even turn in a homework assignment without adding in the comment box how much I hate Adobe.
I don't even know where to apply. My primary experience is in security but my last job was unique in how it entailed more than just sitting/standing somewhere for hours on end doing nothing. There's nothing and I mean nothing in this world I hate more than boredom. And I fucking loathe retail, hate working with customers, hate being responsible for money, hate how basically every retail manager in the entire history of time is a fucking sociopath.
Just do not like the working world at all, due in large part to its affiliation with the rest of the world.
But I don't have a lot of choice. I need to leave this shithole country and I can't do it without any money.
Initially, my plan was to never work again and just kinda not being around long enough for that to matter but I botched that and ended up in college (sort of) so that complicates matters a bit. I need to keep time open for class and schoolwork and if I'm being honest, I can't function if I don't have adequate free time to just...do nothing and not be near anybody.
It's times like this when I super envy those super popular artists who can convince you guys to collectively pay them a couple large to draw a picture of boobs. I've considered if I wanted to try the Patreon route but I can't even get my following to leave me feedback on my birthday (I tried this once and lmao they just couldn't be assed but MORE PORN PLEASE WHIMSY :D) so I can't really see that succeeding and even if I did have some patrons, my moods just aren't reliable enough for that. It's one of my life's biggest frustrations, all the real artists can draw dumb shit no matter how they feel, that's how expertly detached they've gotten from their craft, once it stopped being about art and started being about money and I wish a thousand wishes that I could do the same. The temptation is there to say "besides I'm too shitty an artist for anyone to give a damn" and that should be true and it is when it comes to clean art where only the art itself is the would-be appeal but especially if you're known for a particular porn niche, which I guess I still am, the actual ability is kind of a non-factor. People will put up with absolute trash if it gets them off. So like I said, the primary issue is that I can't promise enough content to make it a worthy investment for even my loyalist of pervs. And that makes me angry. Why must I be so impeccably wired to avoid success in literally all areas.
...So that probably means trying to find a rather shitty job I don't want because my last one was the only one I was ever sort of okay with. And that means trying to explain to them "No, they said I was making threats, but it was just an off-handed silly remarked between buddies and - oh you've already rejected me because there's no room for nuance in the working (or real) world, got it." One thing I came away with on my last jobs is that I just don't really belong with or near other people. I don't understand them, I don't know how to relate to them, and I evidently don't know how to communicate with them without just getting myself into a problem. I was content to just stay away forever. Sure I could tell myself "Alright next time, don't say a word, just put your head down and work the 8 hour shift and leave" but again, there's that impeccable wiring again, I can't do that. I've never been able to do that. Hell I can't even turn in a homework assignment without adding in the comment box how much I hate Adobe.
I don't even know where to apply. My primary experience is in security but my last job was unique in how it entailed more than just sitting/standing somewhere for hours on end doing nothing. There's nothing and I mean nothing in this world I hate more than boredom. And I fucking loathe retail, hate working with customers, hate being responsible for money, hate how basically every retail manager in the entire history of time is a fucking sociopath.
Just do not like the working world at all, due in large part to its affiliation with the rest of the world.
But I don't have a lot of choice. I need to leave this shithole country and I can't do it without any money.
I've got a phone meeting with my college adviser later, might ask her what she knows about positions on the campus. At least then I wouldn't have to go anywhere new. I hate new people and things, I truly do.