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93 - Unification
18 years ago
General
Hi, this is the first draft of the first half of the first chapter of a little novel i am currently writing on :D
Let me hear what you think about it.
It would also be nice if you could describe your feelings about which time and space this is taking place in, i know its pretty vague (i know where its taking place) but i want to know if it creates the motion i intend :)
All comments are highly appreciated !
Also if you like it, please tell your friends to review it aswell :)
So lets get on with it:
Let me tell you a story:
Some would say its a fairytale so i could begin like "Once upon a time...",
but others would say its history so i should begin with something like "In B.C.600481...".
The thing is, i remember it as if it were just yesterday so i´ll begin like this:
I woke up as the first rays of the sun touched my skin.
It was early morning and the air was still cold and clear.
The sun had crept just above the curved horizon.
Water, seemingly endless blue ocean.
And the city, a shining jewel in the middle of this magnificent painting.
I watch the light, slowly creeping from roof to roof until it reached the two towers.
Silver gleaming opals reaching high in the sky.
The tip of the northern one was hit first,
the transparent structure splitting the rays up in a blaze of colors,
bathing the city in its glow.
Only the second later the other spire went alight, joining its brother in a silent celebration of the new day.
Other early-birds were up as well, enjoying the morning, brushing their teeth, reading, working, creating, procreating.
Work...
In the back of my head a few nagging requests lingered around, a file not found, and errand to run, later...
I turn my eyes outward into the blackness of space,
in perfect silence the Brent nebula filling the lower part of the spectrum.
Countless stars were out there, 9034833 currently seen by my naked eye.
A small cluster of white dwarf stars were currently undergoing and interesting change in their photo-activity.
I set the images to recording to review them later, or file them in case i shouldn´t find the time.
Dead stars still burn they say.
And of course our own sun, now completely risen above the horizon, Gabriel.
Burning bright and hot just as strong as the sun in my heart.
A quick glance revealed that its functions were within normal parameters.
Gabriel... , that reminds me of something...
People say staring up in the sun all day makes you blind.
Reflections, refractions...
They also say that staring in the sky all day is also not good for you.
So i turned my view back inwards.
The reconstruction of the ozone layer looked good.
It should be in perfect shape for the summer,
only one or two deliveries of nanomachines left.
The city is awake now, the streetlights have shut down
and people are buzzing busy around.
Time to get to work.
Gabriel...
I wake up, open my eyes, gravity crushing me to the ground.
Or rather my bed, it seems. Things could be smoother.
I get up, put the blankets back in place.
Picking some clothes, only shorts for today, its gonna get hot.
I pick up my small bag hanging from the door.
On the way outside i meet Mrs. Lenka, she governs this block with a motherly hand.
She had a son last year, despite her age.
I greet her warmly, giving her the morning paper she ordered.
She thanks me and gives me an orange, which was imported from the southern mainland.
It is perfectly ripe.
I thank her for it and consume it on the way out.
The two towers Arthur and Izabel, i can hear the wind singing around their curved surfaces.
They can be seen from everywhere in the city.
Beautiful architecture, functional yet gentle.
Maybe some gardens on the upper floors...
The sky is blue, only dotted with a few fluffy white clouds moving around by the wind.
The city will be in the shade during the hottest hours of the day, the people will like that.
On the street i greet the people that come my way, some recognize me, some are too busy.
46a, this is the place. I knock on the door.
>Who is it?< An elderly voice calls from inside.
>Its the Doctor, you made a house call< I reply, a little louder than necessary.
The door opens, an old man with clear blue eyes stares at me from the height of my chest.
>Al< he smiles, laying his hands on my hips >come in, please<
>Gabriel, how are you today?< I close the door behind me.
He awaits me in the main room.
>Its still the same, my hips, you know<
He is one of the old people, second generation.
He doesn´t trust the technology, or at least he chose not to trust it.
While i get a scanner out of my bag, actually a non functional replica,
built from now ancient data-logs of the pre-era,
he whips up some herbal tea from the kitchen.
>I was waiting for you< he says.
The tea is a non-caffeinated blend of local herbs.
>Its delicious< i tell him >So, shall we begin?<
The readings indicate the same than the ones before.
>Its still the reconstruction of your hipbone<
>The pain should subside in a few days at most< i comfort him
He should barely feel it, even if he is moving around like that.
>So everything going as planned?< he asks, i reassure him.
The same routine for the last three days, since he broke his hip
in that unfortunate climbing accident on the mainland.
...
Let me hear what you think about it.
It would also be nice if you could describe your feelings about which time and space this is taking place in, i know its pretty vague (i know where its taking place) but i want to know if it creates the motion i intend :)
All comments are highly appreciated !
Also if you like it, please tell your friends to review it aswell :)
So lets get on with it:
Let me tell you a story:
Some would say its a fairytale so i could begin like "Once upon a time...",
but others would say its history so i should begin with something like "In B.C.600481...".
The thing is, i remember it as if it were just yesterday so i´ll begin like this:
I woke up as the first rays of the sun touched my skin.
It was early morning and the air was still cold and clear.
The sun had crept just above the curved horizon.
Water, seemingly endless blue ocean.
And the city, a shining jewel in the middle of this magnificent painting.
I watch the light, slowly creeping from roof to roof until it reached the two towers.
Silver gleaming opals reaching high in the sky.
The tip of the northern one was hit first,
the transparent structure splitting the rays up in a blaze of colors,
bathing the city in its glow.
Only the second later the other spire went alight, joining its brother in a silent celebration of the new day.
Other early-birds were up as well, enjoying the morning, brushing their teeth, reading, working, creating, procreating.
Work...
In the back of my head a few nagging requests lingered around, a file not found, and errand to run, later...
I turn my eyes outward into the blackness of space,
in perfect silence the Brent nebula filling the lower part of the spectrum.
Countless stars were out there, 9034833 currently seen by my naked eye.
A small cluster of white dwarf stars were currently undergoing and interesting change in their photo-activity.
I set the images to recording to review them later, or file them in case i shouldn´t find the time.
Dead stars still burn they say.
And of course our own sun, now completely risen above the horizon, Gabriel.
Burning bright and hot just as strong as the sun in my heart.
A quick glance revealed that its functions were within normal parameters.
Gabriel... , that reminds me of something...
People say staring up in the sun all day makes you blind.
Reflections, refractions...
They also say that staring in the sky all day is also not good for you.
So i turned my view back inwards.
The reconstruction of the ozone layer looked good.
It should be in perfect shape for the summer,
only one or two deliveries of nanomachines left.
The city is awake now, the streetlights have shut down
and people are buzzing busy around.
Time to get to work.
Gabriel...
I wake up, open my eyes, gravity crushing me to the ground.
Or rather my bed, it seems. Things could be smoother.
I get up, put the blankets back in place.
Picking some clothes, only shorts for today, its gonna get hot.
I pick up my small bag hanging from the door.
On the way outside i meet Mrs. Lenka, she governs this block with a motherly hand.
She had a son last year, despite her age.
I greet her warmly, giving her the morning paper she ordered.
She thanks me and gives me an orange, which was imported from the southern mainland.
It is perfectly ripe.
I thank her for it and consume it on the way out.
The two towers Arthur and Izabel, i can hear the wind singing around their curved surfaces.
They can be seen from everywhere in the city.
Beautiful architecture, functional yet gentle.
Maybe some gardens on the upper floors...
The sky is blue, only dotted with a few fluffy white clouds moving around by the wind.
The city will be in the shade during the hottest hours of the day, the people will like that.
On the street i greet the people that come my way, some recognize me, some are too busy.
46a, this is the place. I knock on the door.
>Who is it?< An elderly voice calls from inside.
>Its the Doctor, you made a house call< I reply, a little louder than necessary.
The door opens, an old man with clear blue eyes stares at me from the height of my chest.
>Al< he smiles, laying his hands on my hips >come in, please<
>Gabriel, how are you today?< I close the door behind me.
He awaits me in the main room.
>Its still the same, my hips, you know<
He is one of the old people, second generation.
He doesn´t trust the technology, or at least he chose not to trust it.
While i get a scanner out of my bag, actually a non functional replica,
built from now ancient data-logs of the pre-era,
he whips up some herbal tea from the kitchen.
>I was waiting for you< he says.
The tea is a non-caffeinated blend of local herbs.
>Its delicious< i tell him >So, shall we begin?<
The readings indicate the same than the ones before.
>Its still the reconstruction of your hipbone<
>The pain should subside in a few days at most< i comfort him
He should barely feel it, even if he is moving around like that.
>So everything going as planned?< he asks, i reassure him.
The same routine for the last three days, since he broke his hip
in that unfortunate climbing accident on the mainland.
...
