It's been a while since I wrote a full update thing. I wanted to get things out there that I more regularly talk about on Twitter, which I'd recommend following if you'd like to know what I'm up to. But I also want to drop things here to keep people who don't updated as well.

First and foremost, I was just denied (again) for Disability. After 9 months of waiting, they denied by after taking medical records from years of doctors appointments and emergency room visits. They know what medications I take, they know what my appointments are. They know what doctors have told me and everything. They still denied me because reason. There's a lot of speculation that it became that much more difficult for people like me to get on this program due to an event during the Trump administration, and while that would not be surprising, it was never confirmed or denied. Regardless, that leaves my future rather unclear. I have been needing this to go through to help me with bills. As I've mentioned in the past, my hands aren't always going to last, but I'll at least try.

That brings me to the next issue.

Over the past few weeks, I've been having issues with separating fact from fiction, so to speak. It's paranoia on a level I've never experienced, something that we'll surpasses normal anxiety. It's gone from thinking someone is lying to me, to wondering if they are even there. If I'm awake. If I'm dead and just in some sort of after-state. Back when I was first getting medication from my psychiatrist, he had told me one of the things he was worried about was Schizophrenia, as the mixture of medical disabilities I have can also align themselves and mask the same symptoms. Therefore, I've been taking the same medication to handle both. Now, with no medication changes, I've been having issues get worse seemingly by the day, aside from the past few days where there have been spouts. I've never felt so helpless and scared in my life dealing with this, being so unsure of everything around me, not knowing if anything is real, and having to "hope" it is. It's all so against my normal ways of thinking. We've been trying to do some things to help, as there are theories regarding PTSD that are causing this issue, and part of it seems to be helping, but only a little. I'm not sure if it's going to just be time related or what, but it's very distressing none the less.

As far as commissions go, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry things are taking so long. I can't keep in the right mindset to do this for long stretches of time, and when I do I can't finish a piece cause my hands are fighting me. I hope everyone who is waiting can forgive me for delays, I'm thankful for all of your patience. Please always feel free to contact me if you need to, I generally try to keep people updated.

If at all you feel like helping out during this time, I'd greatly appreciate it. Anything can help, as apparently sending a new appeal for Disability can take up to 9 fucking months.

I love you all, so much. Thank you for reading. Take care.

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