so, tomorrow, i was invited to a convention to be part of the jury in the cosplay competition. i feel so happy, because it means that they saw all my hard work in my first cosplay and they think i am able to see that in the competitors. I bought contact lenses and i manufactured fangs starting false nails so i can be more Bill than the last time, i really hope having fun again this time with my husband, taking photos and all that.

but apart from all this, there is something that is causing me pain, today my father came home to pay me a visit, I had breakfast whit him, we talked about the future, i showed him my mini garden that i am very proud of, and well... despite everything was relaxed and calm, when he gone i was like... okay, now back to my day but... I just couldn't even though I tried. i've been crying all day. I cried as i ate my lunch, I cried as I picked up the clothes from the clothesline, as I advanced commissions. perhaps it is that "that" date of the month is approaching. maybe it's that most of the day I spend alone. maybe its because my mom doesn't want to talk to me and i miss my dad so much, or maybe its because this fucking depression, again. idk

how someone can be so happy and so sad at the same time?