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I Am Ready
3 years ago
General
——————
Dear friends, fans, and acquaintances,
It has been almost one month since I last wrote to you and a lot has happened since then. Time sure does fly! I hope life has treated you well thus far as we carry on into November and the closing of this year. There is much to talk about, and so I will not delay it further.
I aim to discuss everything that has happened in my life during the entirety of October and what little has carried over into the past few days. I understand most people do not care for long reads, but I will make the effort to write this anyway. I have come to find that discussing my feelings through writing has proven to bring me peace. I also see it as an opportunity to make connections. Perhaps you and I go through the same things.
Nothing could have prepared me for how drastic my life would change come October this year. It all began one night in October whilst I was working. I was a custodian and, at the time, I was working full-time. It was honest work! I have been a custodian for at least three years and can say that it is not as bad as others make it out to be. I got to work alone for the majority of my shifts and was free of managers breathing down my neck.
In addition to working full-time, I also happened to be a part-time college student for five years. I was kept very busy whenever school was in session, as all I ever did was work and attend to my studies. The weekends would serve as my time for peace, but even then I would sometimes dedicate that time to school work. I was studying to become a digital forensics analyst with the hopes of working with law enforcement. It was the only subject that seemed to interest me.
One night whilst I was on the job, I had found myself lost in thought, as I always do, and had the realization of where I was and what I was doing. I asked myself, “What am I doing? Why am I here?” At that moment, all I could think about was how unhappy I was. Here I was with a good paying job, getting an education, living good, and yet I did not feel happy. At no point did I ever feel gratification with what I had achieved in my life thus far. It was then when I began to feel lost.
I was living a life with no direction. You may think to yourself, “but you were going to school for a reason. Your life clearly has some sense of direction. Why do you feel as though you do not?” I never wanted to go to college. I knew that well before I graduated from highschool.
My parents had been telling me to go to college for as long as I can remember. It was always about college. College this, college that. They would get upset at the mere thought of me not wanting to go. I am old enough to know that my parents only ever wanted what was best for me. To them, that meant living an average life. Going to school, getting a job, and having a family.
For many years that is what I worked towards. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to make my parents proud. I wanted to live up to the standards and expectations they had of me. No kid ever wants to hear that their parents are disappointed with them, and so I worked, and worked, and worked.
Nothing, no matter what I did, seemed to please them. It was never enough. The expectations only grew stronger as I continued. I felt trapped with no way out, or so I thought. The truth is that I was never trapped. At any moment I could have stopped and moved onto something else. The only “trap” was my mind.
So on that night in October whilst I was deep in thought, I told myself enough was enough. I am tired of living a life in the expectations of others. I am tired of living a life based on what others think of me. I am tired of living a life that is not mine. The following week I came to work with my letter of resignation and that was the end of it.
I applied for a part-time job and proceeded to drop out of college. Most people would see this as a poor decision, but not me. You see, I always cherished the time I had to draw. It was one of the few things in life that made me happy. With that in mind, why would I live my life doing what makes me unhappy when I could be doing the opposite?
This realization was reinforced by the countless motivational speeches I listened to throughout October. The speeches all said things in common, to pursue in life what makes you happy. To do what gives you a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. To have a purpose. I learned through the words of my elders that life is short. That we all check-in and check-out. What we do between now and then is up to us, and so I choose to live my life happily.
I do not care if I live poor, living paycheck to paycheck. I want to live a humble life, drawing for the rest of my days in my cozy little apartment with my significant other. Perhaps one day I could move to a cozy little home instead.
Currently, I have a dream of being able to live solely off of my own artwork. I know it can be done and that it is not impossible. There are artists in our community who are already there, that is how I know. I am no fool, for I know the path ahead is uncertain. Life is full of uncertainties. Nothing in life is guaranteed. One day you are here and the next you are not. Instead of desperately fighting against the whirling winds of life, I choose to face them head on.
Should I ever fail, I want to know that my failure was not caused by my own wrongdoing, but caused by forces beyond my control. Only then would I know with absolute certainty that I did all I could do. What more can we do besides doing all we can do? I will not lie to you, this past month has proven to be one of the most difficult times of my life. For the first time ever, I was finally making my own decisions.
I am afraid, worried, but also excited. One of the things I felt I needed was to speak with my parents. I felt as though I could not begin my journey without first conveying my feelings to them. No matter what they had to say, I was going to do what I wanted. To my surprise, my family was very supportive.
I was preparing for the worst and they proved me wrong. Words cannot describe how liberating it was to hear that my parents, the very same who judged my every move, supported my decision. Of course they had their opinions, but they were ultimately supportive. This was all I needed to hear. I feel now that I can take on the world. I am ready.
We reached the end my friend. A new chapter of my life unfolds. Where doors have closed, others have opened. As I step beyond the threshold and into my dreams, I look towards you. I say to you, do what makes you happy. Ask yourself, “Am I getting what I want?” If you are unhappy, you owe it to yourself to do something differently. Begin to strategically change directions.
Do not be afraid of change, to step into the unknown. Doing so will only help you grow. You cannot grow if you never take risks. If you fall, learn from your mistakes and get back up again. I am done talking. I have said all I had to say. From now on my actions will speak for me.
Thank you for reading and reaching my conclusion. I will be spending my time honing my skills and growing my audience. I have things planned, so be sure to keep an eye out for any new announcements. Thank you and have a beautiful day!
Sincerely,
Noctis
——————
Dear friends, fans, and acquaintances,
It has been almost one month since I last wrote to you and a lot has happened since then. Time sure does fly! I hope life has treated you well thus far as we carry on into November and the closing of this year. There is much to talk about, and so I will not delay it further.
I aim to discuss everything that has happened in my life during the entirety of October and what little has carried over into the past few days. I understand most people do not care for long reads, but I will make the effort to write this anyway. I have come to find that discussing my feelings through writing has proven to bring me peace. I also see it as an opportunity to make connections. Perhaps you and I go through the same things.
Nothing could have prepared me for how drastic my life would change come October this year. It all began one night in October whilst I was working. I was a custodian and, at the time, I was working full-time. It was honest work! I have been a custodian for at least three years and can say that it is not as bad as others make it out to be. I got to work alone for the majority of my shifts and was free of managers breathing down my neck.
In addition to working full-time, I also happened to be a part-time college student for five years. I was kept very busy whenever school was in session, as all I ever did was work and attend to my studies. The weekends would serve as my time for peace, but even then I would sometimes dedicate that time to school work. I was studying to become a digital forensics analyst with the hopes of working with law enforcement. It was the only subject that seemed to interest me.
One night whilst I was on the job, I had found myself lost in thought, as I always do, and had the realization of where I was and what I was doing. I asked myself, “What am I doing? Why am I here?” At that moment, all I could think about was how unhappy I was. Here I was with a good paying job, getting an education, living good, and yet I did not feel happy. At no point did I ever feel gratification with what I had achieved in my life thus far. It was then when I began to feel lost.
I was living a life with no direction. You may think to yourself, “but you were going to school for a reason. Your life clearly has some sense of direction. Why do you feel as though you do not?” I never wanted to go to college. I knew that well before I graduated from highschool.
My parents had been telling me to go to college for as long as I can remember. It was always about college. College this, college that. They would get upset at the mere thought of me not wanting to go. I am old enough to know that my parents only ever wanted what was best for me. To them, that meant living an average life. Going to school, getting a job, and having a family.
For many years that is what I worked towards. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to make my parents proud. I wanted to live up to the standards and expectations they had of me. No kid ever wants to hear that their parents are disappointed with them, and so I worked, and worked, and worked.
Nothing, no matter what I did, seemed to please them. It was never enough. The expectations only grew stronger as I continued. I felt trapped with no way out, or so I thought. The truth is that I was never trapped. At any moment I could have stopped and moved onto something else. The only “trap” was my mind.
So on that night in October whilst I was deep in thought, I told myself enough was enough. I am tired of living a life in the expectations of others. I am tired of living a life based on what others think of me. I am tired of living a life that is not mine. The following week I came to work with my letter of resignation and that was the end of it.
I applied for a part-time job and proceeded to drop out of college. Most people would see this as a poor decision, but not me. You see, I always cherished the time I had to draw. It was one of the few things in life that made me happy. With that in mind, why would I live my life doing what makes me unhappy when I could be doing the opposite?
This realization was reinforced by the countless motivational speeches I listened to throughout October. The speeches all said things in common, to pursue in life what makes you happy. To do what gives you a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. To have a purpose. I learned through the words of my elders that life is short. That we all check-in and check-out. What we do between now and then is up to us, and so I choose to live my life happily.
I do not care if I live poor, living paycheck to paycheck. I want to live a humble life, drawing for the rest of my days in my cozy little apartment with my significant other. Perhaps one day I could move to a cozy little home instead.
Currently, I have a dream of being able to live solely off of my own artwork. I know it can be done and that it is not impossible. There are artists in our community who are already there, that is how I know. I am no fool, for I know the path ahead is uncertain. Life is full of uncertainties. Nothing in life is guaranteed. One day you are here and the next you are not. Instead of desperately fighting against the whirling winds of life, I choose to face them head on.
Should I ever fail, I want to know that my failure was not caused by my own wrongdoing, but caused by forces beyond my control. Only then would I know with absolute certainty that I did all I could do. What more can we do besides doing all we can do? I will not lie to you, this past month has proven to be one of the most difficult times of my life. For the first time ever, I was finally making my own decisions.
I am afraid, worried, but also excited. One of the things I felt I needed was to speak with my parents. I felt as though I could not begin my journey without first conveying my feelings to them. No matter what they had to say, I was going to do what I wanted. To my surprise, my family was very supportive.
I was preparing for the worst and they proved me wrong. Words cannot describe how liberating it was to hear that my parents, the very same who judged my every move, supported my decision. Of course they had their opinions, but they were ultimately supportive. This was all I needed to hear. I feel now that I can take on the world. I am ready.
We reached the end my friend. A new chapter of my life unfolds. Where doors have closed, others have opened. As I step beyond the threshold and into my dreams, I look towards you. I say to you, do what makes you happy. Ask yourself, “Am I getting what I want?” If you are unhappy, you owe it to yourself to do something differently. Begin to strategically change directions.
Do not be afraid of change, to step into the unknown. Doing so will only help you grow. You cannot grow if you never take risks. If you fall, learn from your mistakes and get back up again. I am done talking. I have said all I had to say. From now on my actions will speak for me.
Thank you for reading and reaching my conclusion. I will be spending my time honing my skills and growing my audience. I have things planned, so be sure to keep an eye out for any new announcements. Thank you and have a beautiful day!
Sincerely,
Noctis
——————
I'll give you a few quick warnings on moving into doing artistic work full time though so you know what you're getting yourself into.
First off, long, long hours if you want to make it work. At least at first, and probably for quite awhile. Expect to have 60-70 hour work weeks as fairly standard for a few years. As long as you enjoy it though, it's not that bad.
Next, hopes of money will... probably take awhile. You can make some profit without too many issues, but making enough to be self-sufficient with artwork takes a long time to build up to. I studied under some really great animators who worked on some pretty big stuff... but their stories were all about the same: absolutely broke, living on a sofa or an air mattress on the floor for about a decade before things started changing. My own path has been pretty similar, about 12 years of abject poverty to degrees most people have problems comprehending, and it's only just started turning around this year on that front.
Another big issue is that the money in art is mostly in doing what other people want you to do, not what you want to do. People tend to pay you because you're doing what they want, and that usually means commissions. The harder it is to get, the more they tend to be willing to pay because there's a limited supply of it. Therefore, the more you're willing to do, the more extreme of fetishes and such, the more you'll make because they can't get that anywhere else. Drawing something you want personally for yourself tends to not make much money, especially if it's something fairly normal that people can find elsewhere. Doesn't really matter how good you are at it, it's the rarity that matters mostly.
I could go on, but if you're set on this path, I'm sure you'll make it, just understand that it's going to be pretty rough for awhile, as in a lot more so than you might imagine. If you really want to make it work though, I would highly recommend practicing the speed of your artwork as a massive first priority. Exercises to get the same quality done in a fraction of the time, learning to use tools like building your own custom brushes to make your work easier, learning little cheats and shortcuts that look just as good but take a fraction of the time to draw, pour effort into these things now while you can and it'll dramatically increase the volume you can produce. You can only use your hand and wrist so many hours before it's physically not really possible to continue so work at taking advantage of that time to be as efficient with it as possible. Lay out what you want to do before doing it so no time is wasted redoing stuff because you weren't sure where you were going with it, that kinda stuff.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll be fine, sounds like you have a lot of conviction and practice at doing difficult stuff for a long period of time already, just don't expect instantaneous returns. Doesn't sound like you are, and are trying to be realistic about it, just keep in mind getting to that self-sufficiency phase takes a lot longer than most people realize, and it can be crippling until you get there. Once you reach that point though, it snowballs hard and you'll be fine.
Good luck and hope you really do enjoy this as much as you think you will!
Whatever happens, I wish you the absolute best for your new life! I'd love to offer my own support and snag a comm from ya someday when things are more stable for me money-wise. Good luck and take care! 💜