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I'm angry that I let you have this power over me
3 years ago
As most of you know, I made this account to have a fresh start after I realized a friend of mine was making me feel awful
Earlier this week, they contacted me, they'd found my new Twitter accounts
It's been months, and it solidifies one of the reasons for the break
It took them 4 months to try and talk to me. When the break was new, I blocked them on most things, but kept one and our most common channel open, as I'd been waiting a year for a commission. I blocked them in late January, got the art in July. It's been 4 months
It took them 2 months, in March, to realize I'd blocked them. And they were mad, because why would I block a friend?
Who didn't notice they couldn't talk to me for 2 months. After I got my art, I deleted all our chats, and it made me realize that while the longest, this was normal. Ignoring me was normal
Not wanting me to make or change characters was normal. That they didn't like seeing other people's art so much, me showing a commission I got became awkward. They only wanted to see their own
That I gave far more than they did in the relationship
Since they've contacted me again, I've been a mess. I've been on the verge of crying the whole week. Any creativity is shot, and I don't like my characters. Even, and ESPECIALLY the ones that are 'me'
Because I was bound by their perimeters. I hear them critical of every thing I want to change or add. My characters all look the same, you can't keep a character more than a day, why even bother treading old tired ground? Looks too similar to mine, you know that's a staple of mine. I'm sick of people copying me
I thought Matt would be my final name, but all I hear is them saying it. When I'm happy again, I'm happy with Dane
I've had good friends tell me to not even bother with their crap, and my friends are right. But I can't get them out of my head again
I know it'll go more mute as time goes on, I've spent the past few months on a creative hey-day. Really coming into Me. If I want 500 sonas who are just a different species, I can. They're me, of course they look like me
I'll put overbites because that's what I have in real life, and I dig the look. Beards for everybody!
But not now. I know I have genuinely good friends who love me. I've made friends because of this, including befriending the guy I warned because despite being a complete stranger, the ex friend decided to do a 4 day harassment spree for the heinous crime of having a similar inspiration sona
And they're more true to me than anything in the world. But now all I hear is them.
I'm writing this as to not bother my friends. They've been very supportive of my crisis, and I appreciate it so much
But I'm not over it yet, because that guy is bedbug infestation in my mind, and I don't want to keep burdening them with my angst
That's not a friendship, my moping, treading the same ground with this topic. Why do I let someone so terrible take over my mind more than the people who care?
I've locked down accounts, so hopefully it won't happen again. January 20th is the anniversary of me waking up. I want to work towards exterminating them for good
If you read all this, thanks for letting me vent and why.
Earlier this week, they contacted me, they'd found my new Twitter accounts
It's been months, and it solidifies one of the reasons for the break
It took them 4 months to try and talk to me. When the break was new, I blocked them on most things, but kept one and our most common channel open, as I'd been waiting a year for a commission. I blocked them in late January, got the art in July. It's been 4 months
It took them 2 months, in March, to realize I'd blocked them. And they were mad, because why would I block a friend?
Who didn't notice they couldn't talk to me for 2 months. After I got my art, I deleted all our chats, and it made me realize that while the longest, this was normal. Ignoring me was normal
Not wanting me to make or change characters was normal. That they didn't like seeing other people's art so much, me showing a commission I got became awkward. They only wanted to see their own
That I gave far more than they did in the relationship
Since they've contacted me again, I've been a mess. I've been on the verge of crying the whole week. Any creativity is shot, and I don't like my characters. Even, and ESPECIALLY the ones that are 'me'
Because I was bound by their perimeters. I hear them critical of every thing I want to change or add. My characters all look the same, you can't keep a character more than a day, why even bother treading old tired ground? Looks too similar to mine, you know that's a staple of mine. I'm sick of people copying me
I thought Matt would be my final name, but all I hear is them saying it. When I'm happy again, I'm happy with Dane
I've had good friends tell me to not even bother with their crap, and my friends are right. But I can't get them out of my head again
I know it'll go more mute as time goes on, I've spent the past few months on a creative hey-day. Really coming into Me. If I want 500 sonas who are just a different species, I can. They're me, of course they look like me
I'll put overbites because that's what I have in real life, and I dig the look. Beards for everybody!
But not now. I know I have genuinely good friends who love me. I've made friends because of this, including befriending the guy I warned because despite being a complete stranger, the ex friend decided to do a 4 day harassment spree for the heinous crime of having a similar inspiration sona
And they're more true to me than anything in the world. But now all I hear is them.
I'm writing this as to not bother my friends. They've been very supportive of my crisis, and I appreciate it so much
But I'm not over it yet, because that guy is bedbug infestation in my mind, and I don't want to keep burdening them with my angst
That's not a friendship, my moping, treading the same ground with this topic. Why do I let someone so terrible take over my mind more than the people who care?
I've locked down accounts, so hopefully it won't happen again. January 20th is the anniversary of me waking up. I want to work towards exterminating them for good
If you read all this, thanks for letting me vent and why.
