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I need ur help🥲
3 years ago
Hi.
I'm embarrassed to ask for help because I'm used to coping alone, but now I need it.
I've been living with mental problems for a very long time, almost since I was a kid, it all came out of: stress, "being a doll" (I listened to absolutely everything I was told), bullying, etc.
After the backdrop of the war I got a lot worse, but I hung in there. I really tried to cope with it myself: to rethink everything, to think about existence, the meaning of my stay.
And now I notice that it only got worse. I got:
Hallucinations, fear (emptiness, I don't know what I'm afraid of), uncontrollable aggression, crying every day for eight hours, sadness, sociophobia, sudden mood swings.
Actually, I wouldn't want to ask others for help, but I'm tired of fighting with my inner self not to kill myself. I hate myself, I want to kill myself since 15 years, I always feel that I am a mistake of this world...
I need your help. I want to finally fix myself and make me go to a therapist, but I don't have a job (because I have no education, no work experience and there is a war outside the window (no vacancies for any jobs))
I need about $180-$200 to pay for 3-4 sessions.
If you are interested in helping me, I would really appreciate it:
Open YCH
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....r/1000771/YCH/
Commissions (I can do a discount if you need it!)
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9999770
Or you can just support me with a kind word, it would be my pleasure too!
I'm embarrassed to ask for help because I'm used to coping alone, but now I need it.
I've been living with mental problems for a very long time, almost since I was a kid, it all came out of: stress, "being a doll" (I listened to absolutely everything I was told), bullying, etc.
After the backdrop of the war I got a lot worse, but I hung in there. I really tried to cope with it myself: to rethink everything, to think about existence, the meaning of my stay.
And now I notice that it only got worse. I got:
Hallucinations, fear (emptiness, I don't know what I'm afraid of), uncontrollable aggression, crying every day for eight hours, sadness, sociophobia, sudden mood swings.
Actually, I wouldn't want to ask others for help, but I'm tired of fighting with my inner self not to kill myself. I hate myself, I want to kill myself since 15 years, I always feel that I am a mistake of this world...
I need your help. I want to finally fix myself and make me go to a therapist, but I don't have a job (because I have no education, no work experience and there is a war outside the window (no vacancies for any jobs))
I need about $180-$200 to pay for 3-4 sessions.
If you are interested in helping me, I would really appreciate it:
Open YCH
https://www.furaffinity.net/gallery.....r/1000771/YCH/
Commissions (I can do a discount if you need it!)
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9999770
Or you can just support me with a kind word, it would be my pleasure too!
I know that you are amazing person, so please don't hate yourself
For example: I see a person freaking out/crying, my first thought is "I've hurt/upset/angry him, I'm stupid." and I just start beating myself up for it through the moral pain that I'm bad
Until my health insurance decided "oh, this person's not starving yet--let's hike up their bill since they can 'afford' it."
I have found that trying to go for a walk for at least forty-five minutes to an hour every day has been as good for my state of being as taking antidepressants. Oregano (herb that goes on pizza) is also a natural antidepressant. These might not be an option where you are, but they've both saved my life a few times, and if they can be of any use to you--I am happy to offer every bit of knowledge I have on how to survive yourself.
You have an amazing amount of strength, to just be able to push yourself as far as you have--living with things like this forces us to have to be twice as strong as others, because everything is twice as difficult. You're a badass for that.
Chamomile will do wonders for any sort of anxiety spikes.
Non-THC CBD oil is excellent for getting your mind to empty, if you've found yourself stuck in a pattern of emotional self-harm / self-loathing / emotional hurt. I tried to resist getting some for ages, due to incredibly bad experiences with cannabis smokers / stoners, but it's effective.
Neither of these can fully take the place of the right medication, but they can make all the difference when you need strength or can't get your mind to just shut up for a few minutes. I consider them part of my personal "emergency kit," but any time you're hurting can count as an emergency--don't try to forbid yourself from using them.
I hope these can help, and if you ever want to prod about more--feel entirely welcome to. If I can help even just a little bit, then I'll know that my own struggles were worth something. ^,.,^
Working on new ideas for you to draw soon! :3
More than anything else in my life, after my family, I'm grateful to you.
When a was a child and for years until young adult (around 30 YO), i had the feeling of being diferent and not belong to this world.
Bullying, anxiety, having that any social interaction was an attack and having the sensation of only reacting of stimulus and not being myself was my daily routine.
I was saw few psy and nothing was beter. I gave up as teen and assume that my life will not be beter.
Few years after, i still had the feeling that i needed to see somebody and a gave a test one more time. This person was apsolutely amazing for me and gave me tools for being myself and fix issues.
I'm now maried and i'm really happy in my life so i just have 2 tips very important in hindsight:
- Find the right person for therapy, it a life changer.
- The therapy will not change everything with a magic wand.
It will give tools and fix some past trauma. Being yourself in the life is the next step. See that like remove a bulet from a wound. It's painfull but you need to do it to heal.
I really hope you will get well, you deserve it.
<3
I have a person who tries to make me happy, but it doesn't work... I mean it works, but for a few minutes: my happiness is very short and consists of very big things for happiness, usually any other person gets from this happiness for a few weeks (at least), but I either get no happiness from it at all or for too short a time (up to 20 minutes) and again my stupid thoughts about suicide haunt me (and what a bad person I am)
I know psychotherapy won't solve everything all at once, but I should try taking the first step with someone who knows how to channel it, because I'm only breaking myself, I can see it.
I'm glad you're feeling better ^^ I hope I can get out of this mess, too.
Thank you so much!