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Heartbreak 💔
3 years ago
You know, life is strange. I Met this girl, she was on the edge of a slippery slope, confused and heading nowhere fast. Everything in her life seemed to be crap in one way or another from the outsiders perspective. She couldn't see it from having been in it all for so long but from where I stood she'd gotten the worst lot of life I'd ever come to see. It was really something I struggle to put in words for fear of saying things she would be upset to see. It was as if the poor girl had never received love in her whole life.
What followed were probably the happiest and most stressful times of my life. If I could go back I'd cherish it all twice as much. That girl was surely not long for this world but somehow I managed to keep her from going over fully and even helped her gain a desire to live. I was proud watching her change, grow, and become more healthy. We did plenty of things together, that I shall remember fondly someday.
It wasn't always the best, I went through some emotional hell to stay by her side but it all felt worth it. I hope it was for her at least. I hope that she came out of it better than she went in. I hope that she can live a better life now, some how, even if I can't be there anymore. I felt more alive during our time together than I have ever felt before.
We broke up recently. I've been in a few relationships over the years, but this one... It's funny, she came to me ready to rest for eternity and come out wanting to live. I came in desiring to find that special someone I'd love for eternity, I found it I think but now, after come out the other side and losing that someone, I'm the one the one that wants to die. Life lost its color, its meaning, and it showed me my true purpose in life. I can save others, give them smiles and a chance at happiness, but I can never be allowed it myself. I can only guide others to a treasure I can not posses...
I thought it was the easy way out, to die by your own hands, that it was a lack of strength that lead to it. Now I know how difficult it is. It requires a lot more strength to take it yourself, and even more so to keep living past that point. I'm too weak for either. I'm not alive because I have the strength to carry on, I'm alive because I don't have the strength to stop. I hope I gain enough strength for one of them soon. This suffering new suffering is something I don't want to bear. I just wanted to be finally be happy with living rather than just living to be alive, but even that has gone now.
I've feared death my whole life, I never wanted to cease to exist, to disappear and be nothing. I believe in heaven while at the same time fearing there would just be nothing in the end. Now I don't care. Oblivion would be better than this. Never existing would have been better than this. what is even the point if all you get out of life is misery? If someone has an answer please give it to me. I've heard so many before and given so many before, but it all feels worthless now. I feel worthless.
What followed were probably the happiest and most stressful times of my life. If I could go back I'd cherish it all twice as much. That girl was surely not long for this world but somehow I managed to keep her from going over fully and even helped her gain a desire to live. I was proud watching her change, grow, and become more healthy. We did plenty of things together, that I shall remember fondly someday.
It wasn't always the best, I went through some emotional hell to stay by her side but it all felt worth it. I hope it was for her at least. I hope that she came out of it better than she went in. I hope that she can live a better life now, some how, even if I can't be there anymore. I felt more alive during our time together than I have ever felt before.
We broke up recently. I've been in a few relationships over the years, but this one... It's funny, she came to me ready to rest for eternity and come out wanting to live. I came in desiring to find that special someone I'd love for eternity, I found it I think but now, after come out the other side and losing that someone, I'm the one the one that wants to die. Life lost its color, its meaning, and it showed me my true purpose in life. I can save others, give them smiles and a chance at happiness, but I can never be allowed it myself. I can only guide others to a treasure I can not posses...
I thought it was the easy way out, to die by your own hands, that it was a lack of strength that lead to it. Now I know how difficult it is. It requires a lot more strength to take it yourself, and even more so to keep living past that point. I'm too weak for either. I'm not alive because I have the strength to carry on, I'm alive because I don't have the strength to stop. I hope I gain enough strength for one of them soon. This suffering new suffering is something I don't want to bear. I just wanted to be finally be happy with living rather than just living to be alive, but even that has gone now.
I've feared death my whole life, I never wanted to cease to exist, to disappear and be nothing. I believe in heaven while at the same time fearing there would just be nothing in the end. Now I don't care. Oblivion would be better than this. Never existing would have been better than this. what is even the point if all you get out of life is misery? If someone has an answer please give it to me. I've heard so many before and given so many before, but it all feels worthless now. I feel worthless.
Sometimes life is hard, sometimes it is easy-peazy-lemon-sneezy.
If you put up a smile each morning it brightens your day slightly.
I feel that if you continue the search, the UNIVERSE, every now and then throws a bone at you.
But then again... I'm a NEET, so what do I know.
Appreciate being able to experience and live instead of just existing
I feel for you my friend if nothing else remember you helped someone live
You're special will come when it's time be patient I've felt what you are describing