A decade ago I made this account, although I've only used it for less than half that time. To be honest, the last couple of years have been very bad. I know the last thing anyone wants to see on december 25th is some rando whine online about how life sucks or whatever, but I just need to get this off my chest even if no one sees it or cares.

Even if my back injury had been completely cured, which it hasn't, I still don't find any enjoyment or satisfaction in doing art for this account, or anything really. I just recently got back from speaking at an international conference, I should feel accomplished but I don't. I've finally had some luck with publishing opportunities, but I know they're going to slip through my fingers. I've poured all of my personal time into my webcomic work, and it's seen a lot of success, but now I'm on break it feels impossible to pick it up again. I quit twitter years ago because it was making me truly miserable (a very good choice in hindsight given the current circumstances) but I have no social media now. I've hardly talked to anyone for more than a year. Why am I like this? How do I stop being like this?

I just have no idea what I want to do with my life. Do I want to stay in academia? But there's no opportunities. Do I want to do art full time? How? I can barely draw for myself, let alone for money. The future just seems confusing and bleak, and when good things happen and opportunities arrive, it's hard for me to even care. How do I be successful? How do I talk to people? How do I feel proud of my accomplishments? I just don't know.