Time for some retrospective writing here.

In general

You know how two years ago we thought that year was shittiest of all time? I'd argue that year 2022 is just the sequel of it and even worse.

The fact the year started almost immediately with Russia waging war against Ukraine that's been presumably in the works for a longer period of time (which a certain figure is still considering it to be nothing but "special operations" without declaring it out as an all out war) put too much stress to the entire world, especially as we were still under the effects of the covid-pandemic (or coming through it). The effects of this pointless war for control were not only putting quite the strain on many countries (especially Europe), but also both calculatedly malicious and stupid:

- Malicious in the sense that with this move, the aggressor country could put pressure not only on the west, but also on the countries that were dealing energy resources with them, which most of the European countries were relying upon, only to find themselves now in a bit of a critical situation when they decided to withdraw from any and all future plans to deal with them, as if to put them into a hostage situation.

- Stupid in the sense how it became clear how the manpower of the aggressor country was greatly overestimated, how much it started to create new rules and laws against it's own citizens, how it crippled trust and connections with the rest of the world (even with those it's allied with) and caused an unnecessary halt in the wheels of progress in general - without mentioning the pointless number of deaths this has created on both sides.

This has also caused at least two countries to try and join NATO as a result, which in itself turned into it's own kind of circus when one country tries to deny the access for no other reasons than having their own personal leverage involved.

Beyond the war itself and the talks of the energy crisis that has resulted in all of Europe itself, the only other more remarkable thing that's been on everyone's topic especially on the latter half of the year has been mostly the way how Twatter was bought out by Elon Musk, how poorly he decided to run it and how much more awful it's turned as a result of his childish tomfoolery. Whatever happened during summer and starting autumn is kind of lost on me as I was still searching for places to work in at.

Personal

My program with finding places to work at and to gather both experience and certainty as to what field of occupation I would find most interesting has stepped up into another variation which began near the end of last year. With more time to spend and find places as well as more chances to try different things, I took this program quite close to my heart as it is an important next step.

Unfortunately over half of the year I was seeking places to work at with no success or luck whatsoever: most places that I was trying to get to at first were either filled, did not respond, weren't interested or couldn't take me in for a reason or another, leaving me in the frustrating position of having to send applications left and right as well as try and call in for a time for an interview which never came. Only twice I was able to get to any interviews at all, with the first one leaving me feeling rather successful (even though I didn't make the cut that time due to the place hiring summer employers instead) and the other being a disaster (needless to say: they were asking actual people who already had years of experience, not trainees, so it was bound to be a pointless interview to begin with).

Fortunately I managed to find a place eventually at the late August as a video editor. My time at the establishment was fine, with the workers there being absolutely friendly with all sorts of backgrounds where they came from. If not for them or the employers who were also friendly and aware of things AND for the atmosphere they provided, I would've ended up struggling a bit: I came to realize after a while that perhaps the media field ain't for me, as it's highly contested occupation where you have to put your best on timely manner. I'm not a competitive person myself, so being on a rush to finish things or be pushing for something has never been my forte.

With the news of what's been going on in the world combined with the pandemic that was still going on, me trying to find a place to work and me finally starting working, I've had less energy to draw anything. I feel like this is the year I drew the least, with even less uploaded online to my gallery. There are even more doodles that I've made, but never turned them into completed images or anything I could upload due to not being impressed myself, which still seems to be a thing I have to fight against. It kind of sucks to be running on such a low energy and interest in regards to drawing, especially when I tried to make this year into a "Year of Self-Improvement": if anything, it's shown how easily I give up on things if I get frustrated or tired, which in turn stagnates me completely.

It's as if I'm becoming complacent as a result of it. An awful spot to be in. I really ought to improve myself further, but how could I make sure I won't get tired of working towards it without giving up?




....and that's pretty much all I have to recap upon. There might've been so many other things on my mind, but I've either forgotten them, found them pointless to bring up or didn't have the same importance right now as they might've had days, weeks, months ago.


As an addendum of sorts to finish off this journal: I find it odd how things that were "the worst" from before somehow manage to become even "worse" the more we go into the future. Even the way how I started this journal indicates that, as if to brush off how awful the actual pandemic was now that two nations at war has taken over it. Either we forget the just how awful something was back in the day or we've become used to the issue at hand that when something even worse comes in, it'll take the spotlight.

....it's... odd.