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December 2022
3 years ago
It's been a while.
Last journal was about talking about how I needed a break from the same routine. Shortly after that, I've unfortunately gone through some of the worst panic/anxiety attacks of my life. Say what you want about panic/anxiety attacks, but it was nearly a month or two of a constant feeling that death was right behind me. I was in an altered state of mind that I've never felt so strong before, and it was a living hell. The first and second experiences were the worst. I would wake up in the middle of the night with my lower half of my body entirely numb. I lost vision in my left eye for about ten minutes in a panic the first night. Since that day during the final week of June, it was the worst. I felt I was put into a completely alternate reality. For many days I would have trouble sleeping, waking up in the middle of the night panicked with the same numbness in my body. One night closing at work I clearly remember yelling at myself while vacuuming, feeling as if there were a demon taking control of my brain. I've gone to a doctor to get a diagnosis, but everything was fine with me physically, so mentally was the issue. I started taking my anti-anxiety medication again, and after a month and a half, I think it subsided the effects. Not quitting those a second time. I can feel with feeling drowsy if it means I don't have to experience that hell again.
On a lighter note, I've developed tinnitus. I don't know exactly if it was an effect from the stress I was enduring, but I'll never be able to experience pure silence again 🤷♂️. It was torturous when it began, the ringing would prevent me from sleeping, but I think I've gotten used to it over time. When it's silent, now I just think "Oh yeah, that's there."
I'm never one to weigh myself or really care about my size, as long as I'm not obese, but many of my peers at work and some family have been asking if I've lost weight over the past several months. It turns out after that physical with the stress, I'd lost over 40 pounds since my last physical the start of 2020. So I guess I have that going for me too
I hope everyone has had a happy holiday and year, and the best to everyone with the year ahead of us.
Last journal was about talking about how I needed a break from the same routine. Shortly after that, I've unfortunately gone through some of the worst panic/anxiety attacks of my life. Say what you want about panic/anxiety attacks, but it was nearly a month or two of a constant feeling that death was right behind me. I was in an altered state of mind that I've never felt so strong before, and it was a living hell. The first and second experiences were the worst. I would wake up in the middle of the night with my lower half of my body entirely numb. I lost vision in my left eye for about ten minutes in a panic the first night. Since that day during the final week of June, it was the worst. I felt I was put into a completely alternate reality. For many days I would have trouble sleeping, waking up in the middle of the night panicked with the same numbness in my body. One night closing at work I clearly remember yelling at myself while vacuuming, feeling as if there were a demon taking control of my brain. I've gone to a doctor to get a diagnosis, but everything was fine with me physically, so mentally was the issue. I started taking my anti-anxiety medication again, and after a month and a half, I think it subsided the effects. Not quitting those a second time. I can feel with feeling drowsy if it means I don't have to experience that hell again.
On a lighter note, I've developed tinnitus. I don't know exactly if it was an effect from the stress I was enduring, but I'll never be able to experience pure silence again 🤷♂️. It was torturous when it began, the ringing would prevent me from sleeping, but I think I've gotten used to it over time. When it's silent, now I just think "Oh yeah, that's there."
I'm never one to weigh myself or really care about my size, as long as I'm not obese, but many of my peers at work and some family have been asking if I've lost weight over the past several months. It turns out after that physical with the stress, I'd lost over 40 pounds since my last physical the start of 2020. So I guess I have that going for me too
I hope everyone has had a happy holiday and year, and the best to everyone with the year ahead of us.
