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Still breathin
3 years ago
General
BRAWR! *Translates from bear to normal* Greetings
Yo, hope ya'll been doin better in these recent times.
So yeah i've been pretty absent. I miss hanging with ya'll on streams and in comment sections of my art post. I suppose that's largely due to a change in my dynamic with art and what it is for me.
In short due to unresolved mental health issues; i burned myself out on art when i went fulltime commissions in 2019. It started as the happiest time of my life while i had a safety net to keep me afloat. I truly loved being able to spend my days being with friends and talking to ya'll while i worked on commissions; lving life my terms and flow. However due to my unresolved mental issues, and simply inexperience with fulltime freelancing; I wasnt at all doing it in the right ways for me. I left myself no room for life balance, time or breathing room, and i simply did not set myself up for healthy success. So yeah, ya'll better give yourself ways for balance if ya'll pursue a passion fulltime, it's not worth overdoing the hustle.
the 2020s have been a weird mixed bag. 2020 kinda slipped away, but i was overall doing better sability wise. 2019 had both my worst and best times, so in my personal life 2020 was an improvement. 2021 I finally had internal revelations about my problems in 2021; to which i begam changing my life around and working on myself, experiencing periods of time of authentic piece and happiness for the first time since I was in elementary school. I also had worked another fulltime job, which expended a tremendous amount of time and energy, but i endured and cleared my debts in 2022. And i completed my last session of therapy in december, and have been living my healthiest self in my life since I was 12.
So if the 2020s kept getting better, where did the art go?
The hunger went away. Its complicated; however in the more positive ways to spin it is that I realized i had let go of toxic motivations for chasing art; and allowed myself the option of not leaning on art as my only means of purpose in life. Envy, jealousy, insecurity, pride, fear. They took over the joy of art i had held. I started art more innocent and free spirited (yes even the nsfw posts); but then said toxic motivations crept in and I blinded myself. I lost my way, the innocence in my motives for art were buried. So when i lost my toxic motivations, there was little to drive me to do art, even when the "burnout" was gone. So I had no reason to pursue art projects, and forgot the reasons i found healthy joy with them. Again, it was a me problem. Fatty art, furry themes, etc; they are all authentic reasons to draw if you get joy out of them, like I had before; however i let external and internal toxic motivations sap that out from me.
I also learned more about what really sparks me. I still like big characters the most in any project I do; however i broadened my horizons and am still working on that.
I'd like to think with my debts cleared, internal turmoils resolved (and given the toolkits to keep them from overtaking me again), and time on my hands that I'll eventually recover a joy in art like before. At the moment my life is stable, and that's a good of a thing to cherish as any. Can't have the room to introspect and work on art without that stability.
However, ever since my layoff in July, i had worked on recovering myself (again) to refine my art skills again. Even if most days i dont even get a full sketch in; I have been consistently been making attempts, and some strides
As far as the future of this channel; i dont know for certain. I think i've pivoted a lot in my art interests so i feel this page has a weird middle ground i've not been drawing in. I simply havent had much things to share for this page. I will say if i did; it wouldn't have the same gainer/flaunting focus like i did before. More slice of life works that happen to have big characters in them. Maybe a lil hip check here and there in my art, cute playful teases at most. We'll see what i do. I've learned how i like drawing fat art themes in recent days, so should i have a hunger for it again you'll defintely be seeing it
So until then, I wish ya'll a happy 2023!
So yeah i've been pretty absent. I miss hanging with ya'll on streams and in comment sections of my art post. I suppose that's largely due to a change in my dynamic with art and what it is for me.
In short due to unresolved mental health issues; i burned myself out on art when i went fulltime commissions in 2019. It started as the happiest time of my life while i had a safety net to keep me afloat. I truly loved being able to spend my days being with friends and talking to ya'll while i worked on commissions; lving life my terms and flow. However due to my unresolved mental issues, and simply inexperience with fulltime freelancing; I wasnt at all doing it in the right ways for me. I left myself no room for life balance, time or breathing room, and i simply did not set myself up for healthy success. So yeah, ya'll better give yourself ways for balance if ya'll pursue a passion fulltime, it's not worth overdoing the hustle.
the 2020s have been a weird mixed bag. 2020 kinda slipped away, but i was overall doing better sability wise. 2019 had both my worst and best times, so in my personal life 2020 was an improvement. 2021 I finally had internal revelations about my problems in 2021; to which i begam changing my life around and working on myself, experiencing periods of time of authentic piece and happiness for the first time since I was in elementary school. I also had worked another fulltime job, which expended a tremendous amount of time and energy, but i endured and cleared my debts in 2022. And i completed my last session of therapy in december, and have been living my healthiest self in my life since I was 12.
So if the 2020s kept getting better, where did the art go?
The hunger went away. Its complicated; however in the more positive ways to spin it is that I realized i had let go of toxic motivations for chasing art; and allowed myself the option of not leaning on art as my only means of purpose in life. Envy, jealousy, insecurity, pride, fear. They took over the joy of art i had held. I started art more innocent and free spirited (yes even the nsfw posts); but then said toxic motivations crept in and I blinded myself. I lost my way, the innocence in my motives for art were buried. So when i lost my toxic motivations, there was little to drive me to do art, even when the "burnout" was gone. So I had no reason to pursue art projects, and forgot the reasons i found healthy joy with them. Again, it was a me problem. Fatty art, furry themes, etc; they are all authentic reasons to draw if you get joy out of them, like I had before; however i let external and internal toxic motivations sap that out from me.
I also learned more about what really sparks me. I still like big characters the most in any project I do; however i broadened my horizons and am still working on that.
I'd like to think with my debts cleared, internal turmoils resolved (and given the toolkits to keep them from overtaking me again), and time on my hands that I'll eventually recover a joy in art like before. At the moment my life is stable, and that's a good of a thing to cherish as any. Can't have the room to introspect and work on art without that stability.
However, ever since my layoff in July, i had worked on recovering myself (again) to refine my art skills again. Even if most days i dont even get a full sketch in; I have been consistently been making attempts, and some strides
As far as the future of this channel; i dont know for certain. I think i've pivoted a lot in my art interests so i feel this page has a weird middle ground i've not been drawing in. I simply havent had much things to share for this page. I will say if i did; it wouldn't have the same gainer/flaunting focus like i did before. More slice of life works that happen to have big characters in them. Maybe a lil hip check here and there in my art, cute playful teases at most. We'll see what i do. I've learned how i like drawing fat art themes in recent days, so should i have a hunger for it again you'll defintely be seeing it
So until then, I wish ya'll a happy 2023!
I do hope you continue to post what you make here at some point, but at the same time it makes me happy knowing you're creating for the right reasons now, posted or not! Life probably isn't perfect for you but the fact you can breathe in and enjoy what is there is a powerful wonderful thing to actualize.