I don't even know what to say here. Just something to type down to have these thoughts out.

Have anyone would even question themselves, and before it comes to some answer to mean anything, shows little impact it would do in the end. Im just trying to get by, have something getting started and try to feel...not so useless and be valuable, and worthy to myself. But it's this world, it's people in life...just are not that helpful. They say something that would just hold no weight, or just not bother with it at all. They just tell the person what they think, rather provide what can be done. Just excuses or talk, nothing at all.

I won't care if the pandemic or this winter is the problem, when the world can just act like they don't know, or wouldn't care. Im left to make my best guesses when i'm just staying at a house, with a parent that felt that ones problems are more important, then giving some aid to help me. Not even some advice that would be good. It felt like nothing but talk...just talk...mindless, and uncertain dribble. People would think they would better understand after years...2 fricken decades after learning about your current situations and conditions. But felt like a loop, just lost doing the same thing, over and over again. Nothing new, and your just praying for something new...

I just want to get out, want to just take things somewhere...if i had the cash...if i have somewhere to go...if people would care about ones dilemma. I had to try to think through my very limited choices for...something. I feel like i'm dying inside, just crying...wishing for something to help me. Just me...just want to slam my head into a wall, wanting all of this to end...This depressing cycle of mine...What can i do here...is there really something i can do here? I just want to tear up, just curl in a corner in the shadows and wait...just wait...

Im just stuck here...felt like talking to a void...whatever i talk, echos out to nothing...just me...and emptyness...