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Getting Back in the Saddle
2 years ago
That title is probably more suggestive than I mean for it to be...
Anyway...
You know how they say in horse-riding that if you get thrown off, you have to get back in the saddle soon or you'll be terrified of it forever? (At least, that's what someone told me once.) I don't horse ride but that's how I feel lately. I got thrown off course from art so many
times, and it hit harder each time, because each time my life got worse and worse. Even now that I have everything set up, and I finally have the freedom, I've been terrified to start trying again. I'm so scared that if I do, something terrible will happen again. I'm also scared because I have nothing left to fall back on if I can't make it work this time, and since it took so long to get everything ready, the financial buffer I had has run out, so I'm already up against the wall.
All this gave me so much anxiety I've even been too scared to message the people I've had waiting for commissions. It probably sounds dumb, to be so paralyzed by fear like this- it probably IS dumb. But I've been really, really struggling with it anyway, and I just felt like I had to say it. I've been seeking help to get over it, and talking to people about it. I've been talking to my brother about it, and I did again yesterday, and he really helped me realize some things. So I decided, no more of that. I'm going to keep doing this. I don't know if it will work out but it's all I have and it's what I want to dedicate myself to doing. So there's no point in being afraid of it. I just have to keep going. That's all I can do.
I'm just posting this to make it real. Now it's not just a thought in my head I can debate over.
So anyway, if you've been waiting for a commission be looking for a message from me in the next couple days, or you can send me a message too, either way. And if you're a Patron, be looking for new stuff soon too.
Sorry for such a long and sappy journal, like I said it just felt like a good way for me to get started moving again.
Anyway...
You know how they say in horse-riding that if you get thrown off, you have to get back in the saddle soon or you'll be terrified of it forever? (At least, that's what someone told me once.) I don't horse ride but that's how I feel lately. I got thrown off course from art so many
times, and it hit harder each time, because each time my life got worse and worse. Even now that I have everything set up, and I finally have the freedom, I've been terrified to start trying again. I'm so scared that if I do, something terrible will happen again. I'm also scared because I have nothing left to fall back on if I can't make it work this time, and since it took so long to get everything ready, the financial buffer I had has run out, so I'm already up against the wall.
All this gave me so much anxiety I've even been too scared to message the people I've had waiting for commissions. It probably sounds dumb, to be so paralyzed by fear like this- it probably IS dumb. But I've been really, really struggling with it anyway, and I just felt like I had to say it. I've been seeking help to get over it, and talking to people about it. I've been talking to my brother about it, and I did again yesterday, and he really helped me realize some things. So I decided, no more of that. I'm going to keep doing this. I don't know if it will work out but it's all I have and it's what I want to dedicate myself to doing. So there's no point in being afraid of it. I just have to keep going. That's all I can do.
I'm just posting this to make it real. Now it's not just a thought in my head I can debate over.
So anyway, if you've been waiting for a commission be looking for a message from me in the next couple days, or you can send me a message too, either way. And if you're a Patron, be looking for new stuff soon too.
Sorry for such a long and sappy journal, like I said it just felt like a good way for me to get started moving again.
Something that's helped me climb back up as well, lately:
-Visualize the process, not the outcome.
-Zoom out, step back, take a moment.
-Remember that people will like you for what you do, whatever it is. (I just found you, but I like what you do)
-Don't sell yourself short, figuratively and literally. People will pay good money for good work, and good work always looks better to the casual observer.
Partner if the horse can't kill yeah
Don't let it kill your fun either!