Idk what more I can say. Im in a rut, I hate when this happens, I can't sleep properly because of it which just makes me fall deeper. I have no want to drink or eat anything unless I'm literally about to expire.. everything is just such a chore 90% of the time I don't want to get out of bed during the day.. I can tell I'm down because my thoughts and YouTube viewing is now nothing but darkness and death. I've lost count how many times I've said "The sweet release of death" or something along those lines in the past weeks

Why can't I just be happy for an extended period of time. I wanna talk to people.. I wanna do art.. like I REALLY wanna do art but I can't find the internal drive to actually pick up the pen. Which is making me so angry it's really upsetting...
Idk what to do with this