mountain king in my head for the last three or so days now.

i get a lot of intrusive and invasive thoughts (intrusive i would describe more as like my normal thoughts but way too pushy in the wrong direction, and invasive is a non consensual flash of words, visions, sounds, feelings, emotions or other full bodied experience.)

i have been not in control of how i think of reality before, and it takes active effort and time to come out of this state of being. i would akin it to waking up from a very convincing dream where you feel more than you remember. rather than a dream, it is simply each experience to the next that may take me this way. i don't know, this is why i am taking more time in longer increments to come to decisions, letting days in between things happen before even asking how i feel about it. hurrying up to feel has always been awful. ive never been good at it.

and right now im ramped up and anxious for personal reasons. and ive had weird mornings where sometimes i wake up fine and sometimes i wake up with the fourth or fifth verse of hall of the mountain king just blaring like an alarm. completely in my head.

need more art need less thinking about other people. im stressing myself out too much.