Lately I haven't said anything about my mood, I wish I could say I'm getting better. But it's only been getting worse and worse thanks to my own family....

Being 26 years old and feeling totally useless is horrible, my spirits are way below the ground, not to mention my self-esteem, which has already reached a point where I don't even care if I go out in the street all unaligned or disheveled, my insomnia has done nothing but stay the same or even worsen... From 4 hours now I can only sleep 2 hours. My mood is very delicate, now anything makes me angry and more and more the thoughts of throwing myself off a bridge are more and more frequent... I can't find a way out of this situation other than to get out of this circus in which I live, everything remains the same, nothing has changed, it has only gotten worse. And they only see that the problem is not them but me.
I am tired of all this... I am looking for a room or apartment where I can move by myself. Although I am 100% sure that they are going to avoid it.... And there would be 3 things that would happen...

1- Nothing will happen.
2- I end up in the hospital or beaten by them.
3- I end up with all this suffering.

It sounds ugly, but I can't find any more solutions.... I'm trying to leave here to improve my life, but the road to that is full of more suffering than hope... And I don't like to be saying this, but this is what has already been shown to me here.

As I said, nothing has changed, only worsened... And thanks to my savings and commissions, I managed to buy a Tablet, just to treat myself to something and improve my mood. But no, now my sister has taken over the tablet. She gets angry when I say that I bought it and she uses it all day long. Plus the lazy bum is not looking for a job yet.... All day here in the house locked up uploading pictures to instagram. It's the only thing she knows how to do, while I go around accepting and accepting more and more commissions because I have no choice, this is my job, it's the job where I can earn more money than any job here.

This never seems to get solved.... I need to get out of here, if this continues like this I really don't think I will be 30 years old... or I will die of something caused by this situation, or I will end it all by myself...

I hope that when I finally find a place to move on my own, everything will at least get better emotionally.

At this moment, I just want to disappear from everybody's life, and start from 0 somewhere else... Away from my family, who are the ones most responsible for me being this way... Anyway.

Thanks for reading.