I first started drawing when I saw all my friends were enjoying it. I had no artistic ability whatsoever by that point. My writing was only passable by being mostly grammatically correct. I whipped out paint.net and started plotting pixels. I spent all night and all morning on it. The sun was too big, the shoulders were too wide, the pose was stiff, it completely lacked depth, and the character design needed some extra somethings. It felt great, because even though I wasn't so good yet my friends were there to support me. I had created something that didn't exist before I had made it. My friends applauded my efforts and congratulated my failures because they knew it wasn't easy to start.
So I kept spriting. Boost the resolution, try a new pose, try a new angle. Anything I wished existed I could make exist.

Those friends are gone now. Have been for a long time. I won't say it was their fault. I wasn't acting my best. I found new friends. I was better than I'd started, but had a long way to go. By that point I was able to make friends through my art. I met a guy who liked my stuff, but suggested I try using a drawing tablet. I found out I actually liked it.
He congratulated my failures because he knew it wasn't easy to start.
So I kept drawing. Use new tools, try more layers, do new concepts.

I think you can see where this is going. This has probably happened about a dozen times in the past 5 years.

Now, I don't think anyone's cheering me on. I know you're all supportive, but that's conditional. You applaud my successes because that's what you like. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm so far from where I want to be, though. All the things I hear now are positive. I appreciate it, but it's caused me to stagnate. It's so much harder to keep people in my life who have the desire and ability to help me upward. Most artists I interact with want nothing to do with me. Whether it's because I'm not good for conversation or because I'm not a good enough artist, I can't figure it out.

So, fine. Even if nobody's got my back, I can cheer myself on.
And you know what? It's killing me. I'm not sleeping because I need to keep drawing. I stopped wanting to talk about anything else. It's easy to motivate myself, but I don't think I can love myself.

Now, it feels like the world is closing in and calcifying. Where everyone's at is where everyone's going to be. I feel like I'm running out of time.

Sorry to put all this on you. I'm struggling to find anywhere else to turn. I hope you read this if only so somebody somewhere in the world can understand. If you did, thank you.