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*Exhales* Okay, How we doing?
2 years ago
Taking a look at my goals from the New Year. YES THOSE WERE REAL GOALS!! So what's the point of having them if I don't regularly check up on them?
1. Seeing a therapist: *whistles* Hoooo boy this one was a doozy. So back in early February, my co-workers encouraged me to book the appointment then because it would be a process. So I did for March and then was referred out and was seen in April. Now during Jan-early March, I had 1 or 2 weeks total where I would come up for air before diving back down into depression. So by the time I went to see that someone I was referred out to, I was actually feeling alright. Excited even to be seen and heard. So I went on in and spoke my piece. I was asked about why it took so long to see her and well that is the military and their process. They are notoriously backed up for seeing people. Then when explaining and dredging up the things from my past, I was told mid way to "stop lying" and then at the end that she only had 3 doctors on staff and they were booked but I should still see someone about being more self confident... So I left feeling depressed again until a very good friend told me that "it's okay, it's part of the process and you can give yourself permission to take the time before starting again." And you know what? I'm doing that. I don't know why that last part clicked but I am giving myself time to recover from the bullshit of insurance companies and practitioners trying to get money while the patient suffers. Fuck that shit. How's that for self confidence?
2. Saving money: Honestly this is the one I am least concerned about. I put away half of my paycheck for savings and the other half for bills and I live well below my means. I also got introduced to a money market account and will probably end up doing that very soon. It's liquid and higher savings than savings so yay.
3. Connecting with people: ...*sigh* I would like to rescind my 2023 goal here. No? Fuck. Well I am trying to reach out to new people but honestly I wana forge a stronger bond with my older friends. I drove 10.5 hours to be a part of their wedding and I am happy that I did but that open bar, 4 hours of sleep and that 10.5 hour drive back I could have done without lol. But I am active more of their server and trying to keep up. I figure something is better than nothing. Other than that I am a nerd who generally sticks with one group that honestly jives well with each other. I like spending my time there so if you guys from that group see this, I love ya nerds. I have friends that I could always talk to granted the ones that are closer I feel I bitch about certain things quite often and feel like I am a bit too much. I dunno people say I mean well and am a positive influence in the world even though I feel bitter about everyone and everything so I'll take their word for it.
But who knows. With FWA around the corner, who knows if I'll be bit by the social bug like how I was bit by the wedding bug at my friend's wedding. I'm gonna be real excited to say hi to new people and those I have only known in the online space. So if you'll be at FWA and wana meet, drop me a line. I don't bite.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have satisfied that part of my brain that wants to hold myself accountable for things like this. I have a 4 day weekend to finish after going through a hell week at work and I plan on playing Against the Storm and working out to the point where I feel sore for days on end cause you know, self induced stress and body soreness is relaxing to me.
1. Seeing a therapist: *whistles* Hoooo boy this one was a doozy. So back in early February, my co-workers encouraged me to book the appointment then because it would be a process. So I did for March and then was referred out and was seen in April. Now during Jan-early March, I had 1 or 2 weeks total where I would come up for air before diving back down into depression. So by the time I went to see that someone I was referred out to, I was actually feeling alright. Excited even to be seen and heard. So I went on in and spoke my piece. I was asked about why it took so long to see her and well that is the military and their process. They are notoriously backed up for seeing people. Then when explaining and dredging up the things from my past, I was told mid way to "stop lying" and then at the end that she only had 3 doctors on staff and they were booked but I should still see someone about being more self confident... So I left feeling depressed again until a very good friend told me that "it's okay, it's part of the process and you can give yourself permission to take the time before starting again." And you know what? I'm doing that. I don't know why that last part clicked but I am giving myself time to recover from the bullshit of insurance companies and practitioners trying to get money while the patient suffers. Fuck that shit. How's that for self confidence?
2. Saving money: Honestly this is the one I am least concerned about. I put away half of my paycheck for savings and the other half for bills and I live well below my means. I also got introduced to a money market account and will probably end up doing that very soon. It's liquid and higher savings than savings so yay.
3. Connecting with people: ...*sigh* I would like to rescind my 2023 goal here. No? Fuck. Well I am trying to reach out to new people but honestly I wana forge a stronger bond with my older friends. I drove 10.5 hours to be a part of their wedding and I am happy that I did but that open bar, 4 hours of sleep and that 10.5 hour drive back I could have done without lol. But I am active more of their server and trying to keep up. I figure something is better than nothing. Other than that I am a nerd who generally sticks with one group that honestly jives well with each other. I like spending my time there so if you guys from that group see this, I love ya nerds. I have friends that I could always talk to granted the ones that are closer I feel I bitch about certain things quite often and feel like I am a bit too much. I dunno people say I mean well and am a positive influence in the world even though I feel bitter about everyone and everything so I'll take their word for it.
But who knows. With FWA around the corner, who knows if I'll be bit by the social bug like how I was bit by the wedding bug at my friend's wedding. I'm gonna be real excited to say hi to new people and those I have only known in the online space. So if you'll be at FWA and wana meet, drop me a line. I don't bite.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have satisfied that part of my brain that wants to hold myself accountable for things like this. I have a 4 day weekend to finish after going through a hell week at work and I plan on playing Against the Storm and working out to the point where I feel sore for days on end cause you know, self induced stress and body soreness is relaxing to me.
