These past couple months, and these last few days have been the worst in my entire life...

My caretaker, after a year of sobriety, took up drinking again in march. I ended up having to flee to my aunt and uncle's house because of it. She did say sorry and promised not to drink again, but she kept going. the second time I fled and had to take shelter in a park bathroom during a rainstorm until a cop picked me up and took me to a family friend's house.

then there was the 3rd time where she got set off over some letters from my medical place (which she thought were social security letter), and among her ranting, she threatened to kill me and my family, before leaving for more drinks. I called the same cop from the 2nd time and she took me to a place the family friend suggested, which turned out to be a mental hospital. the last thing I heard my caretaker say before I left was "(I'll) never amount to anything." I got evaluated there and was deemed ok before my uncle picked me up and took me to their house for another night.

and there were a bunch of drunk days between those 3 times, and one or two after the 3rd time. Me, my aunt and uncle, and a few others always tried to talk with her about it, but she wouldn't stop. her excuses being "only I can make myself quit", "I'll quit when I want to", "It makes me happy", among others I don't want to bother trying to remember.

after the 2nd instance of me having to flee, my aunt and another aunt had me put on a list for a group home. eventually one was found for me. I spend Monday to Wednesday trying to decide if I should go or not. Thursday I told my caretaker about it, mainly out of guilt for hiding it from her and the pressure of trying to do so. she asked me a couple times not to leave. when I told her why, she just said "sorry you feel that way" and when I tried to bring up past instances, she told me not to look back on them and to loo forward. I didn't like this because it felt more like she was trying to forget the past instead of learning from it.

She picked me up after work and was livid, and made me call my aunt so she could go off on the both of us, even going so far as saying she regrets reuniting us since we've just done "sneaky" shit since we met again (my family and I were separated by my caretaker's sister, who was my stepmom, in 2017, another story in of itself. it was thanks to dog groomers we went to that we were reunited last year). my caretaker didn't want to hear that she was the problem and if not for her drinking, I wouldn't have a problem (which was true). Not to mention my caretaker picked up drinking months after I found my family again.

Once I got home, my caretaker made me take everything I had out of the house and the shed. She wouldn't let me take the blanket I used, nor my air fryer. But I thankfully managed to put my foot down when she also demanded the lock to the shed, but that was mine. I also demanded my documents, but she claimed she "didn't know where they were" before driving off, most likely to drink. My aunt and one of my uncle's employees came by after she left and we loaded my belongings into the back of the pickup they brought. I then went to aunt and uncle's again to unload some essentials I'd need for the next couple days before I was taken to the home. I was supposed to be there Monday, but I had to go in early because of the circumstances.

these last couple days were horrible for me, i hardly got any sleep Thursday night, and got sleep paralysis at one point, and I spent most of yesterday panicking because I might have left my flash drive (containing all my artwork and documents, along with episodes from a couple shows I like) behind and I don't have my documents either. My family refuses to go back there because of my caretaker's animosity, and the home won't take me back there until Monday.

I've got no money, my ID is the only important item I have on me, and I don't even have another change of clothes for tomorrow.

I'm a failure...