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I hate myself
2 years ago
General
Subs take it up the butt
I hate what I have become. Every game I play, I suck and struggle through everything while everyone else can pick up and master it like it was nothing. I pretty much have no money left and got credit card bills approaching $3000. I still can't get a job and might as well stop looking because it's obvious no one wants to hire me. I'm worthless, I can't accomplish jack shit. My brother and sister are more successful and were able to move out on their own. Me? I can't do anything on my own and I have to resort to begging for help, which no one has. I beg, pleaded, prayed to whatever gods are out there and for what? To still have no job after 5 months? To see people only throwing money at the more popular artists whenever they are in trouble themselves?
I wish I was just dead already. I'm nothing but a fat worthless burden to everyone. A burden that can't even accomplish the simplest things in life or in gaming. I am 37 years old and have nothing to show for it. I find myself repulsive and loathsome. How could I be friends with anyone like this? Whatever I did in my past, maybe me suffering now is payment for it. Virtual hugs isn't gonna cut it. Telling me "things will get better" is completely insincere. I just can't do it anymore. I don't know how you all can do it. Because I can't.
I give up.
I wish I was just dead already. I'm nothing but a fat worthless burden to everyone. A burden that can't even accomplish the simplest things in life or in gaming. I am 37 years old and have nothing to show for it. I find myself repulsive and loathsome. How could I be friends with anyone like this? Whatever I did in my past, maybe me suffering now is payment for it. Virtual hugs isn't gonna cut it. Telling me "things will get better" is completely insincere. I just can't do it anymore. I don't know how you all can do it. Because I can't.
I give up.
988
Call one of those please. Please don’t kill yourself.
but in regards to the whole wanting to die thing... here is something that you can look at as maybe a form of inspiration to keep going.
I had a shitty job that i was forced into and was fired 6 months later for bullshit and left me with ptsd and a NASTY case of depression that only medication could fix
not only that i tried to get on insurance it was the wrong one so now i owe 400 bucks due to "friends" telling me to get an affordable therapist despite the MANY MANY times i said I COULDNT AFFORD ONE
when I was financially struggling nobody wanted to help me out make it a little easier on me
like
I am a filthy casual when it comes to gaming since that is all i can really play and get enjoyment out of it and nobody wants to watch people who are that on stream
and a long time, until recent, not a single soul wanted to commission me when i needed the money, usually out of spite or annoyance and not because they didnt have the money or the timing was off...
and i was financially struggling for 2 years trying to keep up on rent so i had a roof over my head
yet im still here in the same apartment, now financially better, and living life a little more proper.
If you need assistance with finding a job I can help! I'm no job coach but i can help you secure a job quickly so you can get some income coming in! dont be afraid to reach out for those who offer help!
also if you feel depressed and want to end it. I'll send you my discord if you want to talk with someone. I'm no therapist but i will try to understand the situation.
I really hope things turn up for you dude beause nobody deserves to go through this