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Being Erased / Perhaps The last Quack
2 years ago
Hamha!
September 3rd, 2008 was a very important day in my life. I had recently been terminated from a job that used the degenerative nature of my physical disability against me while also making quite the show of how I, for lack of better words, was a terrible person who cared and did nothing for others. Given how Tina Bear had weaponized my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals against me by this time, how I was struggling to adapt to the rapid loss of what usable eyesight I had left, my father’s passing only three months earlier, and how I had been considering committing ‘The Unthinkable’ on-and-off for over a year, I did what felt like my last chance to find a reason to not prematurely bring my life to an early end. This, of course, was joining FA.
***
I had discovered FA as a result of coming across the works of Tacki, MJ Bear, and Frisky Woods on ‘Deviant Art’. Reading their journals while viewing their galleries lead me to discover Tavi Munk. It was Tavi’s DA page that had the first link I ever found to FA. It was on FA that I first came to truly realize how I was not alone in having a liking for diapers and diapered cartoon animals. (It also was great to see how MJ Bear, tacki, and Frisky Woods were well-established on FA, too!).
***
As my eyesight continued to fade away, so did my ability to interact with more-and-more websites. ‘Deviant Art’ became impossible before I lost the last of my physical vision. ‘Ink Bunny’, which I do have an account on, was next to be inaccessible to the hardware and software combinations I was using to interact with the creative world beyond my own imagination. Next was ‘Facebook’, which I used for sharing information about projects I did with Nishi / Oxnard and Ari / Saphy for my Children’s Book series, Welcome To Saurral manor. The FB page, ‘Hapo Tales’ was also used to share how the team and I were doing throughout our seven year mission to facilitate acceptance, understanding, empowerment, understanding, and community through the arts with our Coping With Limitations through Pony panel series at BronyCon and beyond.
The next site I lost the ability to work with was ‘FiM Fiction’. Initially, I lost the ability to create journals after I completely lost my eyesight in December 2016. However, as was the case with FB and DA, site updates resulted in less compatibility with the screen reading software that I used. (Given JAWS is one, if not the only, screen reading software that continues to try and update itself on a regular basis to work with as many online and offline software systems as can possibly be done in today’s “Good Enough” market that purposely releases products without performing adequate levels of Functional, Regression, and/or Accessibility Testing.).
***
Now, after nearly 15 years, FA is going to become inaccessible to me to use. This is because of its forthcoming Accessible User Policies (AUP) update. The site is still usable, but I need to remove a lot of content that can be mistaken for being nothing more than “Cub Porn”. ☹
What hurts the most about the AUP changes is how they make me feel like I did back before I joined FA in the first place. This being that outside individuals would interpret my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals as pedophilia. Anyone can see anything as having malevolent intentions, but liking to be padded and/or seeing anthropormorphic animals in pamps seems like the Furry Communities default go to when justifying other forms of content that can be found all across the internet. To be like, ”Hey, I’m nowhere near as cringe as those Baby Furs.” is the equivalent of throwing someone in the path of an oncoming man-eating monster in order to buy yourself more time to get away from being eaten alive. It is immoral, unethical, judgmental, and outright selfish.
***
FA’s AUP update has left me feeling outright miserable. I will no longer have a safe place to share my feelings and thoughts without having to bother someone else to post them for me. The internet has already made much of itself unusable to me and others who have limited, or no, eyesight at all. Now, as will be best to optimize what time Lucca can spare, I can only really post to the Patreon page we created. Though it hurts most that I can no longer express myself without having to need another person to make it possible to go beyond my own mind.
***
I apologize in advance for how I will be less involved in the art community thanks to these upcoming changes to FA’s AUP, but it can’t be helped and being 100% blind just ensures I am less able to openly communicate with others through the arts even more. It really pains me to see more-and-more of my ability to interact with the world being taken away with each passing day when, back in 1998, I was told technology would allow blind people to be more a part of the sighted world than ever before. Oh, well. ”The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” and those who are disabled are too few to matter to today’s business leaders who profit from the ”Good Enough Economy” that Capitalism has allowed for.
If you can, please let my lovey, Lucca, know how much he is appreciated for doing so much to allow a blind dino-duckling at heart still feel a part of a world that, more often than not, seems like it would rather me be hidden away and remain useless until I breathe my last breath.
Your pal:
---Yosh E. O’Ducky ;)
September 3rd, 2008 was a very important day in my life. I had recently been terminated from a job that used the degenerative nature of my physical disability against me while also making quite the show of how I, for lack of better words, was a terrible person who cared and did nothing for others. Given how Tina Bear had weaponized my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals against me by this time, how I was struggling to adapt to the rapid loss of what usable eyesight I had left, my father’s passing only three months earlier, and how I had been considering committing ‘The Unthinkable’ on-and-off for over a year, I did what felt like my last chance to find a reason to not prematurely bring my life to an early end. This, of course, was joining FA.
***
I had discovered FA as a result of coming across the works of Tacki, MJ Bear, and Frisky Woods on ‘Deviant Art’. Reading their journals while viewing their galleries lead me to discover Tavi Munk. It was Tavi’s DA page that had the first link I ever found to FA. It was on FA that I first came to truly realize how I was not alone in having a liking for diapers and diapered cartoon animals. (It also was great to see how MJ Bear, tacki, and Frisky Woods were well-established on FA, too!).
***
As my eyesight continued to fade away, so did my ability to interact with more-and-more websites. ‘Deviant Art’ became impossible before I lost the last of my physical vision. ‘Ink Bunny’, which I do have an account on, was next to be inaccessible to the hardware and software combinations I was using to interact with the creative world beyond my own imagination. Next was ‘Facebook’, which I used for sharing information about projects I did with Nishi / Oxnard and Ari / Saphy for my Children’s Book series, Welcome To Saurral manor. The FB page, ‘Hapo Tales’ was also used to share how the team and I were doing throughout our seven year mission to facilitate acceptance, understanding, empowerment, understanding, and community through the arts with our Coping With Limitations through Pony panel series at BronyCon and beyond.
The next site I lost the ability to work with was ‘FiM Fiction’. Initially, I lost the ability to create journals after I completely lost my eyesight in December 2016. However, as was the case with FB and DA, site updates resulted in less compatibility with the screen reading software that I used. (Given JAWS is one, if not the only, screen reading software that continues to try and update itself on a regular basis to work with as many online and offline software systems as can possibly be done in today’s “Good Enough” market that purposely releases products without performing adequate levels of Functional, Regression, and/or Accessibility Testing.).
***
Now, after nearly 15 years, FA is going to become inaccessible to me to use. This is because of its forthcoming Accessible User Policies (AUP) update. The site is still usable, but I need to remove a lot of content that can be mistaken for being nothing more than “Cub Porn”. ☹
What hurts the most about the AUP changes is how they make me feel like I did back before I joined FA in the first place. This being that outside individuals would interpret my liking of diapers and diapered cartoon animals as pedophilia. Anyone can see anything as having malevolent intentions, but liking to be padded and/or seeing anthropormorphic animals in pamps seems like the Furry Communities default go to when justifying other forms of content that can be found all across the internet. To be like, ”Hey, I’m nowhere near as cringe as those Baby Furs.” is the equivalent of throwing someone in the path of an oncoming man-eating monster in order to buy yourself more time to get away from being eaten alive. It is immoral, unethical, judgmental, and outright selfish.
***
FA’s AUP update has left me feeling outright miserable. I will no longer have a safe place to share my feelings and thoughts without having to bother someone else to post them for me. The internet has already made much of itself unusable to me and others who have limited, or no, eyesight at all. Now, as will be best to optimize what time Lucca can spare, I can only really post to the Patreon page we created. Though it hurts most that I can no longer express myself without having to need another person to make it possible to go beyond my own mind.
***
I apologize in advance for how I will be less involved in the art community thanks to these upcoming changes to FA’s AUP, but it can’t be helped and being 100% blind just ensures I am less able to openly communicate with others through the arts even more. It really pains me to see more-and-more of my ability to interact with the world being taken away with each passing day when, back in 1998, I was told technology would allow blind people to be more a part of the sighted world than ever before. Oh, well. ”The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.” and those who are disabled are too few to matter to today’s business leaders who profit from the ”Good Enough Economy” that Capitalism has allowed for.
If you can, please let my lovey, Lucca, know how much he is appreciated for doing so much to allow a blind dino-duckling at heart still feel a part of a world that, more often than not, seems like it would rather me be hidden away and remain useless until I breathe my last breath.
Your pal:
---Yosh E. O’Ducky ;)
Also, what have you thought about:
Derpibooru
FurryNetwork
SoFurry
Weasyl
Mastodon
Newgrounds
Pillowfort
Itaku
Or maybe just somebody like Lucca making a simple site for you using a site-building service like wix or WordPress? I got a good deal for domain hosting from HostGator for 2.99/per month...
***
It is really hard to learn new web sites when you have no fundamental knowledge of how they worked before having no usable eyesight. Some of the sights you mentioned are ones that I have tried and struggled with while others I am just not motivated to try as I find myself getting really stressed out upon putting work into something that, especially in more recent times, ends up not working with my screen reading software. :(
Lucca is helping me with Patreon. I do not know if he would want to help with another site as it would mean more extra work for him that would keep him away from doing what he enjoys doing along with completing the household projects we have going on together. *Sighs* One way, or another, I will figure out something while doing what i can to, again, adapt to a technological mindset of doing less-and-less to involve those who are blind, or visually impaired.
***
Thanks for your suggestions and extra thanks for the beyond understanding as I get myself back to where I can do the best job possible with your comic series. :)
Oh, and speaking of, once you're done with beta reading, (and assuming you're mostly satisfied with it) are you okay with immediately moving into beta reading the script for issue 2?
Hmmm, well, I second what Frisky-Woods about co-host. It looks very simple and works a lot like Twitter and Tumblr. I think you guys should at least check it out.
There's also Newsgrounds, which is very mid-2000s and simple. I almost never get much traffic there on my own account, but I know you don't care much at this point…
***
Long-to-short, I am staying and will do all I can to make sure I continue to make content that is fun, insightful, and cute. :)
***
You may, or may not, agree, but the AUP updates make me feel like I am being pulled back in time to when I felt when I first told my, now, ex-wife about my liking of diapers and diapred cartoon animals. She was revolted and weaponized it against me even after she ended our relationship in July 2018. Having something that hurts neither myself, or those around me made into something so vile is beyond unfair. Especially since, having been born with Glaucoma, I've been put down and mistreated for as long as I can remember for how people stereotype the blind and visually impaired. (I also know few Baby Furs who do not also have a physical and/or psychological disability that has brought them pain IRL from a harmfully judgmental society that does little to help us feel like we can ever be seen as a true part of what so many take for granted. Being made into some kind of monster online for what helps me to feel some sense of happiness is just wrong on so many levels and extra unfair to those who have not been able to yet learn that they are not the monsters that society and ill-minded admins are trying to make them out to be.).
***
I will stay on FA and try very hard to not make anyone upset through what I share and talk about. I don't want to get banned, but I feel it hard to avoid given how easily so many people misinterpret how I, an adult of 43 years, use a diapered, dino-duckling to cope with my anxiety and depression that has been brought on by how poorly I am treated by an outside world that refuses to believe I am capable of being a gainfully-employed and active part of it.
***
Sorry for all the quacking. I'm just filled with emotion and determination to ensure I don't let this setback destroy what progress I've made since going 100% blind back in December of 2016.
***
I will be staying on FA. I'm just really, really scared that someone is going to report something I don't pull down in time and the admins ban my account. I have 15 years of work, life accomplishments, and memories here that would be impossible to get back if I cannot safely maintain access to my FA account. Plus, right now, it is the one place I can go that I can interact with friends, like you and Tavi, without having to trouble Lucca to perform some part of the process.
***
I hope to be sharing more words with you after I do my best to make sure I do not get locked out after July 1st. Being misunderstood sucks, but we must keep doing what we can to show that the labelling is WRONG and that, like any other kink, there are far more good people than ones who use their respective kinks to spread evil across the world.
***
I was a bit more emotional than I should have been while writing this journal. I just am very scared that my account will get locked over something that somebody goes out of their way to imply I am being something that I am most definitely not. I like diapers and diapered cartoon animals, but I like them as an adult who uses a young, diapered dino-duckling to explore my past, present, and future through fictional adventures that may, or may not, be based upon real life events that I am still struggling to cope with at the age of 43.
***
I will be here on FA for as long as nobody does anything to cause the mods to ban me by denying my access to this account. Creating a new one would be a nightmare as so much of the internet is not friendly to the blind and visually impaired.
*Snugs* Thanks for your support. You definitely said what I needed to hear to get to work at quickly making it so that someone can't easily, if at all, raise a false case of my violating of the forthcoming update to the AUP. :)
This statement hits home for me because I know exactly what you mean. Technology was aimed to make life better, easier, but all it has done is siphoned our time and attention, making us more miserable. Of course, technology is not to blame; corporate greed is because it only caters to it's own profit goals.
I miss the days when websites were far more accessible, when I didn't have to fully rely on vision, auditory, and motor skills to navigate a simple webpage.
I hope you don't leave. I will message you on Patreon if I need to, but I think you should remain, if only to provide these insightful journals. However, I respect the decision is yours to make.
What I should have written is, "I will remain on FA for as long as I can keep the users and staff from falsely accusing me of being something that I am most definitely not. Yosh, along with all my characters, are extentions of the 43 year old, 100% blind, human being who, as a result of a broken childhood that came from having been born with Glaucoma, is still struggling to come to terms with how he can remain relevant, welcome, and a part of a world that only continues to grow less-and-less accepting and open to allowing me to be a part of it.".
***
I really appreciate you having read what I shared on Patreon about accessible technology and how it is more than just than the blind and visually impaired being denied the opportunity to enjoy what so many others take for granted.
When I worked for the grocery store conglomerate, Ahold-Delhaize, which owns Stop & Shop, Giant / Martins, Giant, Food Lion, and a handful of other chains that run along the East Coast of the United States, I got to witness how relaxed requirements for meeting The Americans With disability Act (ADA) paved the way to create the situation we are in now.
One example, as I worked the phones in my Customer Care position, was a lady who was upset about how the store they frequented went from having 6 handicap / special needs parking spaces down to 2. She could not understand why the company would eliminate 66% of its accessible parking to accomodate the Curbside Pickup that had started going into effecttowards the end of 2018.
After I allowed the lady to share her feelings, I told her that the company was only doing what it is allowed to do by law. Did I like saying this? No. However, if regulations were tighter in regard to how much space is allocated for handicap / special needs parking at a given commercial site, the grocery store itself would not have removed 4 of its 6 accessible spaces to save money in the creation of the Curbside Pickup, which benefits those who don't physically enter the store and have the visual and mental ability to work the convuluded web site and/or phone app.
Another sad instance was when I got calls from Store managers asking why the company was making Employee Bonuses exclusive to those using the company's online / mobile services. The one Store manager asked how we, the company, thought it was right to make it impossible for individuals with physical and/or psychological disabilities to claim what they had been given for all years prior to the rollout of the 'Digital Program'.
To the above, I had to share how I, too, struggled with the issue and had tried to raise the concern with management on a number of occasions. Unfortunately, as is not a surprise, I was told that, "The only people who won't be using the digital services are those who just don't want to take the time to learn it.". It is truly amazing how those who oversee so much understand and care about so little.
***
Really and truly, I hope that nobody uses anything I may not find / think needs to be removed from my gallery before making an illicit report stating that I am in violation of the new AUP. There is just so much grey area / blurred lines that anyone can assume are violations when, to the one who created it, nothing could be further from the truth.
***
I'll have to touch more on my journey to overcome the fear I had felt over being misunderstood ever since I turned 18 and became aware of what people assume without taking any effort to truly understand why someone is the way that they are. Hopefully, in the coming times, I can further advocate for stronger understanding for those who, by no fault of their own, are streotyped into a countless number of things that they are not.
***
Thank you for your support. I still need to see how well I can use patreon to reply either through the app and/or web site. I should be getting to it soon. In the meantime, I'll be making notes here and on twitter until I can get all my proverbial ducks in a row. :)
Have you considered Cohost as an option? I don't know how handicapped accessible it is, but the interface is simple enough (very Web 1.0) that a screen reader should adapt to it very well. If you want, I'll ask around. They're very LGBT friendly, so maybe they'll be just as accommodating to the visually impaired. Cohost is a bit lonely compared to Twitter or FurAffinity, but it's smarter than the average social network, and it's run by decent, well-meaning people rather than a purple sociopath. (Someone else came up with that, but I'm running with it.)
***
cohost, eh? I'll have to make a note of it to see what I can figure out. If it works, and some unfriendly bozo gets me banned, I may have to go there to freely share my thoughts and feelings without having to constantly pester Lucca for more than I already have to. *ighs*
It's disheartening to hear that your ability to interact with various websites has progressively diminished as your eyesight deteriorated. Losing access to platforms like Deviant Art, InkBunny, and Facebook must have been incredibly frustrating, as they were channels through which you could connect with others, share your work, and contribute to projects you were passionate about.
It's understandable that you feel disappointed and marginalized. The fear of being misunderstood or having your interests misinterpreted is certainly distressing, particularly when there's a risk of being labeled incorrectly. It's unfortunate that some individuals may generalize and equate specific interests with inappropriate or harmful content, without considering the nuances and diverse range of perspectives within the furry community.
The impact of these changes on your ability to freely express yourself and connect with others is deeply saddening. The limitations imposed by your visual impairment, coupled with the evolving accessibility challenges of online platforms, have further restricted your avenues for communication and self-expression. It's understandable that you feel a sense of loss and frustration as these barriers continue to mount.
I want you to know that your experiences and feelings are valid. It's disheartening to witness the erosion of accessibility and the difficulties faced by individuals with disabilities in navigating the online world. The promises of technology sometimes fall short, and it's essential to acknowledge the shortcomings and advocate for more inclusive practices. Although the upcoming changes to FA's AUP may limit your involvement in the art community, I want to emphasize that writing can still serve as a powerful tool for connection, sharing, and maintaining social ties. While it may not be the same as expressing yourself through visual art, your thoughts, feelings, and experiences can still find an outlet through the written word. You have a unique voice and perspective that deserves to be heard and valued, regardless of the medium.
I understand that relying on others to assist you in posting content can be frustrating and may not fully capture the immediacy and personal touch you desire. However, I encourage you to explore alternative avenues, such as your Patreon page, as well as seeing what you can still do here to continue expressing yourself and engaging with others who appreciate your work.
Please remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges. Many individuals with disabilities encounter similar obstacles, and there are communities and organizations dedicated to advocating for accessibility and inclusivity in various online platforms. By raising awareness and sharing your experiences like I have seen you do on Patreon, you contribute to a collective effort to foster a more inclusive and understanding digital environment.
Please take care of yourself during this difficult time. Your voice matters, and I hope that you continue to find solace and fulfillment through your creative endeavors, even in the face of adversity.
***
You could say that I became a reluctant advocate for individuals with disabilities back in the Summer of 2013. This was only a few months after my only working eye had collapsed and I became 100% blind for a period of 2 months prior to slowly getting back some level of usable vision. (The eye collapse was the result of a surgery I had done that worked a bit too well. It took place at the end of july 2012 and dropped the ocular pressure, which is the fluid amount one's eye has to keep it properly inflated without causing damage, from a dangerous value that was close to 30 to below 0. A non-damaged eye recovers to replenish the ocular fluid to allow a safe value that is between 12 and 18. However, my eye was heavily damaged from years-and-years of medication, surgery, minor procedures, etc. that it failed to act as it should have and, well, painfully collapsed when I woke up two days after the surgery.).
What vision I got back came at the precise time the animation by 'Silly Filly Studios', Snowdrop was released. This animation made me realize, as Snowdrop's mom says in the fan animation, "You won't need your eyes to find your place in the world.". It was only after hearing this that I finally started to accept that, one day, I would lose my sight forever.
Back to Summer 2013, I attened 'BronyCon' in baltimore with my son and a friend. It was the first time that I could genuinely remember being treated like a 'normal person'. People were nice to me, other parents did not avoid me, and I came to see how a LOT of attendees had some sort of disability.
At the end of BC 2013, I wrote the convention leads to ask them about creating a panel about how 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic[/i]' has given people with disabilities a way to feel accepted, understood, empowered, to The optic nerve, and like they had a real community they belonged to. Their response, as I came used to hearing for many things in my life by this time, was "You should submit to do that.". So, as was my way of pressing forward, I did.
***
Since the Fall of 2013, I worked with the manufacturer of the MLP: FiM trading cards and CCG to distribute products, at no cost, to a local school for those who are on the Autistic Spectrum. I also made contacts with so many other people with such a wide variety of disabilities that had felt they had a place with the MLP: FiM fandom. This not only worked to get our panel accepted to be done at BronyCon 2014, but also be done at every BronyCon until it came to an end in 2019.
By the time BronyCon had come to an end, I had managed to work with so many different disability advocates and individuals who had experiences doing all they could to show they were more than what stereotypes made them out to be. It was also during this time I got to really see how unfairly the disabled are treated by today's employers. So, despite the MLP part being no more, I still work as hard as I can to advocate with those who will join me under the banner of Coping With Limitations Through The Arts.
***
Sorry for so much text. You just reminded me why I need to keep my depression over all these difficulties from bringing me down any further than they already have. I must push on and help everyone out there who, like me, is trying to raise positive awareness that will make the lives of people with disabilities more positive and filled with opportunity.
***
I'm feeling so cuddly and snuggly right now. Amazing how some words and thoughts can make even tough times into good times. :)
***
Since I'm quite poor, I will always do my best to make sure I help empower others through information to prevent what happened to me from happening to them.
***
Thanks for your comment and thoughts. It's always appreciated.
This is one of the main reasons I moved to twitter (despite having no plans before).
My problem isn't the AUP itself, it is how the rules have been arbitrarily. (which is a violation of Business Ethics, which doesn't really mean much in the scope of things)
But after everything is said and done, I'll likely be completely alone on here, and have very little reason to stay, in this case, I'll have the freedom to move my series into official works, and I guess have a new sense of freedom, to not be bound by artsites for my work and projects.
I've personally always felt art is a good way to express one's self, work out complex issues, as well as modulate and sublimate desires. One could fire back with that being a metaphysical argument, as there's no proof of it, but there was no proof that violence in video games created violent children but that was still heavily scrutinized for quite some time. Same with sexually explicit material creating perverts. These things tend to being in people from all walks of life, and it's often those with issues that form the biggest obsessions... and also become poster children for the thing that supposedly "got them where they are", famous for being disgusting... often ignoring or minimizing all else that went wrong in their lives.
You're a strong guy to have gotten where you are, Yosh, a survivor, and I'm glad you're still with us.
Peace be with you :)