Last night, my grandma passed away. Sleeping, thankfully. It's been about 8 years of gradual weakening and 3-4 of dialysis. It was soon to be her 65th anniversary. They found love at first sight and married almost as soon after, were foster parents, including for my mom, and my nanny was a wonderful nurse. She fought hard every step of the way, even if she probably shouldn't. It's a miracle she survived so long, and I'm thankful for it.

I am a lot better right now. I have barely cried. I beat myself up over not for her own mother when I was a kid, but I seem to be able to easily adjust when I don't actually see it. Seeing the cats die was much worse, especially picking them up. But I am glad, it's easier on me and it lets me remember my nanny how she lived instead. I seem to be good at that anyway though.

Still, the house will feel a bit emptier. It has been often, sure, but now it's permanent.