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How to Gay?
2 years ago
Yo.
So, to anyone reading this at the current time of posting this journal, it is right at the beginning of the gayest time of the year, good ol' Pride Month. A time to celebrate and appreciate the efforts of the LGBTQ and whatever other letters it has. And as this is a time perfect for helping those trying to find themselves, I've figured that this may be a good oppertunity to discuss some things regarding my own identity, because while I believe I just fit in enough to the pride community...I uh....I don't how I do exactly.
What do I mean? Well:
In terms of Gender identity, while I know very little about how it works, I have no major questions in regards to my own. I identify as a cisgendered male, and will likely continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
In terms of romantic interests, that's a bit of scruffy concept since I have absolutely zero interest in getting into a relationship and starting a family but live in constant fear of paternal instincts overriding my distain for children with that whole "baby fever" thing, but that's oversharing a bit too much and not that relevant to what I want to talk about so at the very least I'll just say "I want to be Aromantic."
However, in terms of sexual interest, that's become a bit of confusion for me. See, I've been labelling myself as "Bisexual", because I have sexual attraction to both male and female genders, but the thing is, I've only realized this around last year, so I believe I may be unaware of what actually counts as "being Bi".
Why do I think this? Well it's mainly because of how darn specific my sexual preferences are, so specific in fact that I'm not even sure they count as "sexual"
See, those of you who have least seen some of the art I've commissioned may already know this, but I essentially have what I like to call "A Foot-Focused Growth and Clothes ripping fetish", meaning that I am attracted to feet, just like how some people are attracted to breasts, butts, and/or thighs. And while I enjoy feet just by themselves, I find it much more arousing if those feet are ripping out of some item of footwear due to increasing in size, hence the clothes ripping and growth parts of my kink.
Now I have no idea why this my fetish, like I can't for the life of my explain what kind of aspects of my life or personality have causes this is to be my main sexual interest, but I have always accepted it as such and enjoy it regardless. However, one detail that makes this quite a bizarre fetish is that I like it best when it's... Safe for Work.
Like, I don't mind romance and intimacy, in fact I often imply it as a part of my erotic writing, like "Oh swelling up into this huge monster is better than sex" or some shit, and this includes the more dirtier parts of intercourse. But, only if it's implied, because in truth I do not enjoy that kind of material. See, the more explicit a piece of fetish material is, the less enthusiastic about I become. If it says something like "The warm throbbing in her crotch made a blush spread across her cheeks", I like that, I find that cute and just the right amount of naughty to add to her implied fluster. But if it says something like "The acrid smelling cum spewed down her viscous, vomit strewn throat.", then uh.... yeah I start to wonder why I'm reading the material.
Now, to clarify, I have no problem with raunchier, more intense material, it just isn't for me. I like feet yes, but not in the way a lot of other foot fetishist do. I like them clean or very slightly dirty, I like them soft and cuddly, and most importantly I like them when they lack any form of odour whatsoever. I prefer sexual stuff, that is arguably not sexualized at all.
The point of contention here though is that, if this is what my most significant sexual desire is, how exactly does it relate to my overall sexuality?
And then when thinking about it, it's made me wonder: "Isn't that how being Asexual works?"
And that's what I'm gunning to discuss with this journal, because I don't know if that's how asexuality actually is. As far as I know, "Asexual" is no interest in fetishes at all, however I have occasionally seen some examples of TF material that feel very similar to my own fetish, but the people who enjoy and post said material identify as Ace themselves. So does that mean I'm asexual too?
But then again, there's me believing myself to be Bi. Because, as far as I know, "Bisexual" is just being attracted to men and women, which feels the most like how my preferences are, in spite of my aversion to more explicit NSFW material.
And that's just with the Male and Female sexualities, there's also "Pansexual" to consider. I do not believe I have any attraction to transgender males or transgender females, or at least.... recently transitioned. See, I'm sorry to admit this, but gender alterations in Transformations are actually, in perfect honesty, a bit a turn off. I don't know why exactly, I wish I could explain, but I simply just don't enjoy TG. I don't hate it mind, I think just isn't really for me. But then, that begs the question, what about trans people who have been transitioned for a while, or what about people who transition through tf, or before their tf? I don't really know.
But more importantly, what about Non-Binary people? I have never touched the idea of a non-binary transformation character, but the idea slightly intrigues me, but not quite enough for me to immediately experiment with it. In terms of my type, I do prefer more effeminate presentations, or at least characters that don't have overly masculine features like body or facial hair. Sometimes I may still find very masculine characters attractive, my pretences are very inconsistent, but most of the time I think I'm more attracted to softer, cuter personalities and cuddlier, more "girly" aesthetics, if only slightly anyway.
So, taking in all of this malarkey, it's made me realize that I likely don't know enough about Asexuality, Bisexuality, or any sexuality as a whole to accurately identify as one just yet, I am simply lacking information because again, I'm really new at this. Because of that, because it's pride month, and because the furry community is incredibly experienced with the LGBTQ, I'd like to inquire about some of this very information.
I know it's really more of a matter of what feels right than what's factually correct, but I'm still curious and looking for insight on what kind of Queer identity may be more fitting for what on earth I'm supposed to make of my very bizarre sexual interests, because frankly I just wanna have a nice discussion about it all.
So don't take this too seriously, and don't worry too much about me being nervous. I'm very accepting of my non-standard interests and very happy to talk about them, all I really wanna know is how much my sexual identity have I gotten correct so far.
In other words:
"How exactly....do I do the gay?"
Thanks for your time, sorry if this was me oversharing...quite I lot. I have autism so I ramble a lot.
.....Wait does neurodivergence fit into this?
So, to anyone reading this at the current time of posting this journal, it is right at the beginning of the gayest time of the year, good ol' Pride Month. A time to celebrate and appreciate the efforts of the LGBTQ and whatever other letters it has. And as this is a time perfect for helping those trying to find themselves, I've figured that this may be a good oppertunity to discuss some things regarding my own identity, because while I believe I just fit in enough to the pride community...I uh....I don't how I do exactly.
What do I mean? Well:
In terms of Gender identity, while I know very little about how it works, I have no major questions in regards to my own. I identify as a cisgendered male, and will likely continue to do so for the foreseeable future.
In terms of romantic interests, that's a bit of scruffy concept since I have absolutely zero interest in getting into a relationship and starting a family but live in constant fear of paternal instincts overriding my distain for children with that whole "baby fever" thing, but that's oversharing a bit too much and not that relevant to what I want to talk about so at the very least I'll just say "I want to be Aromantic."
However, in terms of sexual interest, that's become a bit of confusion for me. See, I've been labelling myself as "Bisexual", because I have sexual attraction to both male and female genders, but the thing is, I've only realized this around last year, so I believe I may be unaware of what actually counts as "being Bi".
Why do I think this? Well it's mainly because of how darn specific my sexual preferences are, so specific in fact that I'm not even sure they count as "sexual"
See, those of you who have least seen some of the art I've commissioned may already know this, but I essentially have what I like to call "A Foot-Focused Growth and Clothes ripping fetish", meaning that I am attracted to feet, just like how some people are attracted to breasts, butts, and/or thighs. And while I enjoy feet just by themselves, I find it much more arousing if those feet are ripping out of some item of footwear due to increasing in size, hence the clothes ripping and growth parts of my kink.
Now I have no idea why this my fetish, like I can't for the life of my explain what kind of aspects of my life or personality have causes this is to be my main sexual interest, but I have always accepted it as such and enjoy it regardless. However, one detail that makes this quite a bizarre fetish is that I like it best when it's... Safe for Work.
Like, I don't mind romance and intimacy, in fact I often imply it as a part of my erotic writing, like "Oh swelling up into this huge monster is better than sex" or some shit, and this includes the more dirtier parts of intercourse. But, only if it's implied, because in truth I do not enjoy that kind of material. See, the more explicit a piece of fetish material is, the less enthusiastic about I become. If it says something like "The warm throbbing in her crotch made a blush spread across her cheeks", I like that, I find that cute and just the right amount of naughty to add to her implied fluster. But if it says something like "The acrid smelling cum spewed down her viscous, vomit strewn throat.", then uh.... yeah I start to wonder why I'm reading the material.
Now, to clarify, I have no problem with raunchier, more intense material, it just isn't for me. I like feet yes, but not in the way a lot of other foot fetishist do. I like them clean or very slightly dirty, I like them soft and cuddly, and most importantly I like them when they lack any form of odour whatsoever. I prefer sexual stuff, that is arguably not sexualized at all.
The point of contention here though is that, if this is what my most significant sexual desire is, how exactly does it relate to my overall sexuality?
And then when thinking about it, it's made me wonder: "Isn't that how being Asexual works?"
And that's what I'm gunning to discuss with this journal, because I don't know if that's how asexuality actually is. As far as I know, "Asexual" is no interest in fetishes at all, however I have occasionally seen some examples of TF material that feel very similar to my own fetish, but the people who enjoy and post said material identify as Ace themselves. So does that mean I'm asexual too?
But then again, there's me believing myself to be Bi. Because, as far as I know, "Bisexual" is just being attracted to men and women, which feels the most like how my preferences are, in spite of my aversion to more explicit NSFW material.
And that's just with the Male and Female sexualities, there's also "Pansexual" to consider. I do not believe I have any attraction to transgender males or transgender females, or at least.... recently transitioned. See, I'm sorry to admit this, but gender alterations in Transformations are actually, in perfect honesty, a bit a turn off. I don't know why exactly, I wish I could explain, but I simply just don't enjoy TG. I don't hate it mind, I think just isn't really for me. But then, that begs the question, what about trans people who have been transitioned for a while, or what about people who transition through tf, or before their tf? I don't really know.
But more importantly, what about Non-Binary people? I have never touched the idea of a non-binary transformation character, but the idea slightly intrigues me, but not quite enough for me to immediately experiment with it. In terms of my type, I do prefer more effeminate presentations, or at least characters that don't have overly masculine features like body or facial hair. Sometimes I may still find very masculine characters attractive, my pretences are very inconsistent, but most of the time I think I'm more attracted to softer, cuter personalities and cuddlier, more "girly" aesthetics, if only slightly anyway.
So, taking in all of this malarkey, it's made me realize that I likely don't know enough about Asexuality, Bisexuality, or any sexuality as a whole to accurately identify as one just yet, I am simply lacking information because again, I'm really new at this. Because of that, because it's pride month, and because the furry community is incredibly experienced with the LGBTQ, I'd like to inquire about some of this very information.
I know it's really more of a matter of what feels right than what's factually correct, but I'm still curious and looking for insight on what kind of Queer identity may be more fitting for what on earth I'm supposed to make of my very bizarre sexual interests, because frankly I just wanna have a nice discussion about it all.
So don't take this too seriously, and don't worry too much about me being nervous. I'm very accepting of my non-standard interests and very happy to talk about them, all I really wanna know is how much my sexual identity have I gotten correct so far.
In other words:
"How exactly....do I do the gay?"
Thanks for your time, sorry if this was me oversharing...quite I lot. I have autism so I ramble a lot.
.....Wait does neurodivergence fit into this?
I've always identified as "straight" in terms of who I'd date but in terms of sex, I guess the answer is I have no preference because I don't want any.
Notice how there's no real mention of genitalia there? I can write that, too, and sometimes do (particularly for commissions), but despite all those actions being related to sex while TFing, the appeal comes from the intensity, the lust on display, the wildness, the visceral feeling of losing oneself in the passion of the moment. That's attractive! But the actual act itself is more rudimentary, something you include as a nod to the reality of the rest of the situation.
You can look into different types of asexuality - the only definition of asexuality is that you personally don't want to do the sex. That doesn't mean you don't enjoy watching others doing the sex, or enjoy attributes of sex without necessarily being into the act itself, or the kinks that come with the sex. This PDF gives a quick once-over of the idea, but there's lots more information out there if you wanted to take a peek.
See, like you've said, I have no interest in the act, and the messier, more adult details do not grab me. But, the details I do like, the textures of soft flesh, the descriptions of it throbbing and swelling, and the splitting seams of fabric peeling open across the skin, those details have me legitimately aroused, perhaps even sexually stimulated, or least give me the same kind of feelings that more standard pornography would give to people with more standard sexual interests.
So, does that still count as being asexual? It feels like I go over slightly, as material that caters to my interests has the exact same effect on me as any other pornographic material would have on any other person.
I suppose that might make me closer to grey-sexual, since that's a tad less specific?
What I'm trying to say in this is I totally understand where you are coming from as I've thought about it too.