I feel...numb, if I'm being honest. We all knew this was coming; the dog was sick and had a really hard time going up and down the stairs. She was clearly in pain, but my stepdad didn't want to put her down right away cause he couldn't bear seeing her off so soon. I don't blame him, but my mom was right; he just prolonged her suffering. Today, she was whimpering in my stepdad's room. He took a look at her and decided today was her time and couldn't let her suffer any longer. Some of you already know how my family had two other dogs prior (all three were together) and how they also grew old and sick before needing to be put down.


I cried my eyes out for the first two dogs that had to be put down years ago. The remaining dog? I did shed a tear or two, but I couldn't cry. Between having lost the other dogs already and my struggles with job hunting and money, I didn't have the energy to feel anything. I feel numb. I feel like I done nothing but suffer my whole life between the loss of my dad, the death of my relatives, the bullying I endured in school that made me suicidal, the bullshit I dealt with from the public/customers, and then watching three animals getting an illness we can't help them with makes me feel like my life is a joke and I am the only one that isn't laughing.


Well, whatever at this point. If you all still wanna donate money to me or commission me, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. I just don't really feel anything anymore.